


Explorations in Polyamory

by ValkyrieShepard



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse), Resident Evil - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Relationship mention, Angst, Bottom!Chris, Death, Domesticity, Fluff, Funeral, Hallucinations, M/M, Mental Torture, Mind Games, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Polygamy, Shower Sex, Slice of Life, Smut, T-Virus, Talking and discussing relationships, Torture, chris/wesker mention, death mention, discussions of rape, rape mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-05-11 04:17:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 46,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5613673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValkyrieShepard/pseuds/ValkyrieShepard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Knowing polyamory existed was one thing, being in a polyamorous relationship another. There wasn't a guide for this, and so Piers, Leon, Sasha and Chris have to figure out what works for them. Which isn't easy when they all have their personal demons to fight with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Piers & Sasha

**Author's Note:**

> This is a direct sequel to [I'm not in Love](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2254200/chapters/4948179) but it's not strictly necessary to have read it. 
> 
> While I checked the Non-Con box, it won't actively happen. There will be talk about it, so be safe everyone.

Weeks had passed since their "big talk", the talk that had somehow turned his monogamous relationship into a polygamous one and Piers wondered if he'd ever stop feeling guilty when he kissed Sasha.

He'd been scared, almost as scared as he'd been in that underground facility with water rushing in, certain that he'd die, as he waited for Chris to come back from that mission in Germany, thinking that he'd leave him. He had cheated after all, kissed another man, but he was still so, so in love with his boyfriend. He never thought he could be scared of breaking up with someone... But that fear made him cry and beg when he confessed, something he very much regretted later, embarrassed because he had never acted that way before. Then again, he had also never sacrificed himself before.

He had been so scared that he couldn't even be angry at Chris for doing the same, and after all he knew that fear of facing death. It made you do strange things. And now, they had ended up here, in a relationship with four... members? No, that sounded like they were a secret club. Boyfriends, perhaps, though it was still strange to think of it that way, and Piers still felt like all eyes were on him when he kissed Sasha. Who he had fallen for, hard.

Perhaps it had been their shared experiences, their shared pain that had brought them together at first. But underneath that rough exterior was truly a heart of gold, that Piers had easily been drawn to. They were both broken, both had experienced things that would stay with them forever.

For Sasha, however, his physical scars had been healed, while Piers was still... Still ugly, scarred. Deep down he was jealous.

He'd need to hurry, he told himself, but he froze as he stood in front of the mirror. Later he'd go on a date with Sasha, just the two of them, but now he could only stare at his own reflection. His right eye still had that milky white to it, something that he knew would never go away. And because of the scars on the right side of his face, the scars that went down his entire right arm, even over the side of his torso, made it impossible for him to wear contacts. So he looked like half of... them. Those monsters.

He shouldn't resent Sasha for getting the chance to get better, he should be happy for him.

"I am happy for him", he told his reflection, but he was still jealous. He couldn't help that, could only ignore it because Sasha didn't deserve this resentment.

Piers sighed and turned away from the mirror. What the hell was he doing? Was this really a good idea when he felt this way? And how on earth could he feel jealous and in love at the same time? This was just a complete mess, and he had no idea how to straighten it out in the least.

He'd never been good at relationships, the longest he'd had, had lasted about four months. Then, when he had joined the BSAA there hadn't been much time for that anyway, only the occasional hook up. He had stopped with those, when he had realized how deeply he had fallen for Chris. That man had been so kind, so inspiring to him. In a way, he had idolized him, and he had to admit it was a shock when he had vanished. But nevertheless he had always believed in him, even when he'd found him a complete mess. Where exactly the strength and knowledge had come from, that he used to help Chris get back to his old self, he did not know. The power of love, or something like that.

Piers quickly shook that thought, it was too cheesy for his depressed mind. Maybe he should just cancel the date, maybe it didn't make sense to meet Sasha like this, when he wouldn't make for very good company. But the thought of seeing him again, of kissing him again, it spurred him into motion.

He did use a bit of make up on the scars on his face, though it didn't help that much but it made him feel somewhat better. He took out a nice dress shirt and vest, which was wasted as he put on a hoodie over it, and pulled up the hood, sighing. He wasn't sure he could ever accept himself completely like this, though sometimes he did go out without covering himself up too much. Today, apparently, was not one of these days. He wished that their date would take place somewhere inside, but he didn't dare ask. It would show too much weakness, and Sasha didn't need to bother with him, to go out of his way to make him comfortable. Considering how much time had passed since the incident, Piers told himself he should just be over it. Unfortunately it was not that simple.

Sighing once more, he made his way out of the apartment, pulling the hood low and hiding his hands in the pockets of the hoodie as he kept walking. It was a short Metro ride to get to the park where they had agreed to meet, and Piers found his heartbeat slowly rising, a small smile spreading on his face as he got closer and closer to Sasha. It only grew wider when he finally saw him standing there - dressed in a nice shirt and suspenders, holding a small bag - and it took all of his willpower to not run and jump into his arms.

Instead he walked up to Sasha, stopping mere inches from him, looking up at this gorgeous man from under his hood. He gently took Piers' hand, the scarred one, and he almost didn't mind.

"May I kiss you?", Sasha asked in a whisper.

"Yeah..."

So he grabbed his chin, made Piers tilt his head up, and leaned down to brush his lips against his. Piers melted into the kiss, his worries almost completely forgotten. He was grateful that Sasha didn't pull down his hood, or even asked why he was wearing this hoodie in the first place, when it was quite warm outside. Piers suspected that he knew the reason, and accepted it.

"I thought we could take a walk today", Sasha said, and presented his little bag. Which contained... bread. Piers frowned up at him. "And feed the ducks."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. They are quite adorable."

Piers hesitated for a moment, confused by how sincere Sasha looked at him. No smile, no 'I'm just joking'... he actually meant it. Wondering when they'd gotten this old, Piers nodded and followed Sasha through the park. Followed, at first, but Sasha quickly noticed that he seemed to always be a few steps behind. So he stopped, and took Piers' hand, the scarred one again, intertwining their fingers.

He'd never admit it, but he loved holding hands, would never initiate it, but always gratefully accept it when Chris offered. Usually he made sure to be on his boyfriend's other side, so he could hide his ugly hand, but with Sasha everything was different. They'd need to find their own rhythm, would need to find out how they worked together and so for a moment Piers forgot. The warmth of Sasha's hand against his ugly one... it felt good.

In the back of his mind he still worried. He knew the scars didn't feel good on someone else's skin, and he wondered how long it would take Sasha to get sick of this feeling and let go. For now they strolled through the park, and towards its centre where a big lake was the home of many ducks and geese, as well as other birds that Piers couldn't identify. It was... quite beautiful, he had to admit. Usually he rushed through the park to get somewhere else, and as he accepted that this was their destination, he found himself relax and take a deep breath.

Sasha told him about his work in the library, how happy he was that people, especially the children, reacted well to his kid's night. Doing it once a week was less stressful than dealing with children on a regular basis, but he could still do it, and the way Sasha talked about them...

"Do you want kids?", Piers asked, immediately cursing himself for blurting it out that way. This was their first date, what was he doing asking questions like this. He cursed himself to hell when he saw Sasha's expression change. He was still smiling, but there was a sadness about him now.

"I did. A long time ago. Now... I do not know", he said quietly, as they sat down on a bench close to the lake. "I must first be able to take care of myself and... We shall figure all this out, yes?"

He pulled up their hands, and presses a soft kiss to Piers', making his breathing hitch. This man could always take his breath away, with simple gestures like that. There was an elegance about Sasha, pride in the way he held himself, something he himself sorely lacked. And then there were those beautiful brown eyes, that seemed to know everything about him, that were still so gentle. He could not look away, and eagerly tilted his head up when Sasha leaned in for another kiss.

Sasha's kisses were unique. His lips were soft, so soft, and he was always so gentle. Careful, even, as if Piers was made from spun glass. Instead of making him feel broken or defensive, it made Piers feel precious. He could tell how much Sasha cared about him, just from this one kiss, and oh it left him breathless. That beautiful kind of breathless that would make you eagerly suck in air so you could go back to kissing this gorgeous creature.

It left him with a big smile on his face, Sasha beaming back at him, and he scooched closer so he could wrap an arm around his shoulders. He had to admit that he liked his lovers to be taller than him, liked being held although it was one of those things he wouldn't readily admit. It took him a few moments to realize that they were out in public, he'd been so swept up by that kiss he had completely forgotten. So he untangled himself from Sasha's embrace, apologizing as he did.

"That is quite all right", Sasha told him. "I must admit that I need to get used to these public displays of affection as well. Relationships like ours were... are quite frowned upon in my country."

Sasha said it in a way that made Piers think 'frowned upon' most likely meant 'You might get beaten to death if you're not careful'. He took Sasha's hand and gently squeezed it, glad that he was now here, and not so damn far away. Not that he was necessarily much safer here... Piers had lost count of the times where homophobes had yelled after him, had ruined an evening, or even tried to hurt him. Thankfully he was a trained soldier, but not all of his lovers or boyfriends had been. It shattered his heart when he had needed to visit one in the hospital, or find him cowering at home because he'd been beaten up. He would never stop fighting this, but sometimes it seemed too much, and it seemed easier to just pretend to be friends out in public.

Not today, though. Sasha didn't deserve this, and so he forced himself to forget about these terrible things, and gave him a smile.

"You were going to show me how to feed the ducks", he said, taking the bag and ripping some of the bread off.

"Oh it's quite easy, I think even you can do it", Sasha teased him.

"Hey!" He nudged him, and both had to chuckle. It was still so easy to talk to him, to feel at ease around him.

It didn't take long for some ducks to find their way over to them, as they were probably used to people feeding them. And damn, Sasha had been right... The way they all waddled over, fought over the bread, even just the crumbs, it was damn adorable. He especially liked that fat ones, and the way they walked, delighted in it until he was laughing and relaxing.

It took him a while to realize that Sasha had been staring at him.

"What?"

"You are beautiful", Sasha told him, and Piers froze.

Had anyone else said it, he'd have brushed it off as a lie, would think it was a cruel joke at his expense. But something about Sasha made him believe that he meant it. How could he mean it when he was looking right at him, his scars, his milky eye?

"I... I...", he flinched when he noticed a drop of water hitting his nose. Then another one, and now he felt them on his hands too. It was starting to rain, and promptly Sasha took his hand.

"Come, there is a lovely café nearby."

First they were walking, then they were going faster, until Sasha took his hand with a brilliant smile and they started to run. Piers found himself giggling as they did, at how silly this was, and how good it made him feel. Both were out of breath when they finally rushed into the café and he wiped some of the rain from his forehead. A table was free next to the window, and when Sasha ordered a hot chocolate, he did the same, finding it easier to indulge himself when he was with his boyfriend. It seemed silly suddenly, to worry about something as simple as a beverage. So he wanted some hot chocolate, it didn't make Sasha less manly, and neither himself. There were a lot of things, he realized, he didn't let himself do because of this way of thinking. He'd been called scrawny and pretty boy too much, too many times, he'd always wanted to prove himself, in every aspect of his life. But then there was Sasha, ex soldier, ex revolution leader, who didn't seem to give two shits.

They were chatting away, drinking and smiling at each other when Piers started to drift off, something he hadn't done in a while. But the patter of the raindrops against the window drew his attention. The rain had gotten stronger, had almost become a storm and it was difficult to see much of the world outside.

His throat was closing up, his feet feeling numb. Paralyzed, he couldn't move, the fear stopped him.

"Piers?", Sasha's voice sounded far away, muffled, as if they were underwater.

Clutching his throat, he flinched, the memory of drowning suddenly overwhelming him. How was this happening, how could it happen? He was awake, it had never happened when he was awake before. Quickly any coherent thoughts left his mind, all he could do was what he had done back then, what to him seemed like right now. He was clutching his throat with one hand, while his mutated one was pressed to his side.

"Captain... Captain be safe he's safe, my Captain is safe..." It's what he was telling himself to make all this seem worth it.

His lungs were slowly flooding with water, the ocean rushing in, but he blinked, and suddenly there were only raindrops against a window. Blinking, again, and he watched the escape capsule leave him alone, then he felt arms around him - monsters? He didn't have the strength to resist, and wasn't he one of them now?

"Piers!", the voice sounded desperate, something in it drew him back to reality.

He gasped for air, his throat letting him take it all in now. For a moment he thought it would be water again, but his chest rose and fell rapidly, oxygen was filling his lungs once more. He frantically looked around, to realize that he was in his and Chris' apartment, with Sasha standing by his side. Soft... fabric... he was on the couch, his hands immediately holding onto Sasha's shirt, pulling him closer.

"Sasha, Sasha, Sasha....", he kept babbling his name over and over again. The fear he felt now didn't paralyze him, it was a different kind, but just as scary. He'd hallucinated, he'd let the memory overwhelm him in public! What did Sasha even have to do to get him back here? They were both drenched, he noticed, did he run, take a taxi? His mind was going a million miles per hour, and he stood, on shaky legs, but he managed it, and started pacing around the apartment.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry", he muttered. "Did you take a taxi? I should give you money, I'm so sorry you probably had to carry me, god I was so scared, here..."

He had managed to take some bills out of his wallet with shaking hands, and was holding them out for Sasha to take them, who was staring at him in disbelief.

"It... I don't need that, Piers."

"Take it!", he shouted. "Please just take it I can't do anything else, I can't even make Chris happy!"

Both of them were suddenly silent. Piers could only hear the rush of his own blood, his own panting as he'd finally said out loud what he had been thinking for weeks. Still clutching the money he now felt warm arms wrap around him, gently but firmly leading him back to the couch and holding him close.

"Piers? What happened?", Sasha asked quietly, dragging a blanket over both of them. They'd need to change out of these clothes soon, but Piers couldn't move.

"We... took it slow from the beginning", he sighed, not quite knowing how to start. He'd never talked about this with anyone before. "Which I liked but... I mean we have had sex, but... not very often. And lately he just... he won't even touch me anymore. I suppose I can't keep up with someone as beautiful as Leon."

He felt Sasha grip his chin and turn his head. There it was again, that intense stare, piercing his entire being. He was starting to shake, as what he had said started to really sink in, as part of him had always denied that Chris had lost interest in him.

"Listen to me, Piers. You are just as beautiful as him, and Chris, he loves you. He loves you with everything he has."

"How do you know?", Piers asked quietly.

"There's a lot you can tell when you look in someone's eyes. And what I see in his is how much he loves you."

"But he won't-"

"Have you talked to him?", Sasha interrupted, a small smile on him, as he seemed to already know the answer.

"No..."

Stupid... he was so stupid. Sasha seemed genuine, but there was always a part of him that doubted, that evil voice in the back of his mind saying over and over again how none of this could be real. How could any of these beautiful men want to be with someone like him? Someone part monster.

"Then we should do that, yes?", Sasha drew his attention again. "And we need to talk about what happened to you."

"But... I can't..."

"Not tonight, no", Sasha agreed. "But if this happens when you are on your own... It is dangerous, Piers, and I want you to be safe."

He nodded, didn't even have the energy to say something, or to argue. He was trying, so hard, still went to a therapist, so why wasn't he getting better? Why was he only getting worse?

Perhaps this was too much, perhaps he couldn't handle this relationship, not when there was so much that was wrong with him. He'd already ruined their very first date. It could only go downhill from here.


	2. Chris & Leon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leon confesses a long buried secret to Chris.

After all these years….

After that one night stand, the changes they both went through, all that pain and violence and falling in love only to realize Chris had missed his chance, after almost dying together they were finally here. Together. And they didn’t lose anyone.

Leon was sitting in his lap, and it felt damn good to feel him there. To feel his heat seeping through him, to feel Leon’s hips under his hands, to just watch this lovely creature. Leon was tracing his lips, apparently fascinated by them, pressing a kiss to them from time to time. Chris couldn’t get enough of those, of the chaste ones, the sweet, lingering one, or the hungry ones, every kiss from Leon was perfect.

That golden hair fell into his face, and Leon tried to blow it away, but only managed to make it fall into his eye, making him wince in pain.

Oddly enough, this clumsiness outside of combat was perhaps Leon’s most endearing quality. Chris chuckled as he helped brush the hair away, carding his fingers through the silky strands, and keeping his hand there, to really look at his face. Most of the time it was covered by his hair, and while he liked that as well - how could he not when it was this perfect - it did hide too much of that beautiful face.

For the first time today, perhaps because he had never dared to look at Leon for this long, and this intently, he realized that there was a very fine white line on his right cheek. The longer he looked at it, the more he wondered how he’d never seen it before. It was clearly a different colour than the rest of Leon’s skin, but perhaps his boyfriend covered it…

“Is that a scar?”, he asked.

He’d never seen Leon’s demeanour change this quickly before. For a moment he was still smiling at him, but as the question hit him, that smile faded, was replaced by a look of fear for a moment and then…. his face was a mask. Like he’d shut off any connection they’d had completely. Leon pulled back and stood, leaving Chris feeling unnaturally cold. Had he fucked this up already?

“It’s nothing”, Leon said, looking around helplessly for a moment before starting to clean up - now of all moments. He was trying to keep busy, trying to change the subject. Chris tried to follow him, but for each step he took towards him, Leon moved further away.

“Leon, how did you get this scar?” Chris needed to know. He’d never seen his boyfriend like this, he hadn’t even seen him scared like that when they were facing zombies. The thought sent a shiver down his spine, and filled him with dread.

“I said it’s nothing.” By now Leon had cleared the coffee table of the mugs they had used earlier that day, had put away the paper and was now starting to fluff the pillows. Fluff them. Chris was almost entirely sure that neither of them had ever done that in their lives.

“This is clearly something that upsets you”, Chris tried to remain calm. What could possibly send Leon on edge like that? “You know you can talk to me about anything.”

“Stop, okay? Just stop!”, suddenly Leon was yelling at him, and turned so sharply that he knocked over the telephone that was on the side table next to the couch. For a moment he looked like he was about to pick up the pieces, and the batteries that were slowly rolling across to the other side of the room, but he stopped his movements halfway. “Just… just… don’t fucking ask me again!”

Leon looked around the room, like a cornered animal, eyes flitting back and forth, until he decided to run. Out of his own apartment. He didn't even grab his jacket, and Chris tried to follow, but stopped in his tracks when Leon shouted a “Don’t!” at him. So he just watched him walk out, not bothering to close the door behind him. Chris did it for him, sighing softly.

He felt rotten. He shouldn’t have pushed…. Leon had clearly been uncomfortable with the question from the start, but he had been curious. How could he have put his curiosity before his boyfriend’s safety?

Chris looked at the door again. He’d never seen Leon upset like this, and he had no idea what else he could possibly do. Grabbing his jacket on the way out, he ran after Leon, hoping he could still catch up to him. He raced down the stairs, stopped outside of the building to look left and right, panting. There it was, just rounding a corner, a flash of blonde hair, it had to be him. Hoping he didn’t confuse him with anyone else, he chased after him.

After he had rounded the corner, Chris stopped in his tracks, and his heart sank. Leon had stopped walking, was just standing around the corner, his forehead pressed to the brick wall of the building. He was crying. Sobbing. Tears were streaking down his cheeks, his entire body shaking as he clutched at his own shirt, which Chris only now noticed was way too thin for the temperature out here. Leon looked as if he wanted to rip his skin off, tugging on the shirt, scratching over his exposed forearms.

Chris couldn’t look at this any longer, he stepped up to him, already taking off his jacket.

“Shh, hey, it’s me, Chris”, he said calmly as Leon flinched away from him. “Look just… please take my jacket.”

He took another step closer, leaning forward to put the jacket around Leon’s shoulders, who was now hugging himself.

“I’m sorry, Leon”, Chris said, slowly reaching out to cup his cheeks. “I’m sorry, I won’t ask again. Please come home, it’s cold out here. I’m so sorry…”

For a moment Chris thought that he would turn away again, that he’d run from him again, and something in his chest clenched up at the thought. But then Leon took that one step closer, pressing his forehead, that Chris now saw was reddened from where he must have hit it against the brick wall, against his chest. Immediately he wrapped his arms around Leon, holding him for a while before he started to lead him back to the apartment. It was too cold out here, and the apartment was a safe place, or so he hoped, crossing his fingers that he hadn’t ruined it.

They were quiet on the way back, and even inside Chris had no idea what to say. He apologized again, but Leon just shook his head.

“Just please don’t ask again.”

“I won’t, if that’s what you really want”, Chris said, gently tugging him to sit down on the couch with him. “But you know that you can talk to me about anything. Anything. You hear?”

“I know.” Leon’s voice was quiet, but he didn’t turn away. He inched closer, pressing his cheek to Chris’ chest and sighing softly.

For the rest of the night they stayed like that on the couch, and Chris hoped that holding his boyfriend like that would instil some sense of safety, of peace. He couldn’t help but wonder again what had caused that scar, what had left an even deeper one in Leon’s mind that he would break down at its mere mention. It was something that Leon had to look at every day, a constant reminder of whatever it was that haunted him. Chris’ squeezed him a little tighter at that thought. He wanted to protect the ones he loved, but it seemed that he wasn’t very good at it. Claire, Piers, Leon… He couldn’t do anything. And how was he supposed to fight something that he couldn’t even touch?

Eventually, Leon fell asleep, and Chris carried him to bed, gently tucking him in. He waited in the living room until Sasha came home, and recounted what had happened. He wouldn’t want Sasha to tell him, if he knew, not when Leon was so against it, but their boyfriend needed support right now, from both of them.

“I just assumed that it was from one of his missions”, Sasha said once he had finished talking, absentmindedly scratching his chin. “He was that upset?”

He leaned to one side to look past Chris at the closed bedroom door, the worry so clear on his face.

“He was. I don’t think we should ask him about it for now. He seemed… fragile.”

“I’m glad you were there.”

“I’m the one who caused it…” Chris balled his hands into fists, and looked down, ashamed of causing this pain. Maybe this… all of them, maybe it wasn’t a good idea. He couldn’t even make Piers happy.

Suddenly he felt two gentle hands on his cheeks, calloused ones, but so very gentle. He looked down at Sasha, who gave him an equally gentle smile.

“You couldn’t have known. You were there for him when it mattered.” He seemed to hesitate for a moment, his smile faltering for a split second, but then it was back and he stood on tiptoe, brushing his lips against Chris’.

For a while his mind was just blank. Then he just seemed to be overwhelmed by the sensation of those soft lips on his own, Sasha’s stubble pressed against his skin, the warmth of his hands on his cheeks. They’d never done this before, but it felt natural to kiss him back, to wrap his arms around Sasha’s waist and pull him close.

As amazing as it felt to kiss him, the thought of Leon made him pull away again. He was hurt, and that because of him, how could it be right for them to do this now? Sasha seemed to understand, he gave him a nod, and pulled away too.

“Will you stay tonight?”, Sasha asked. “I have to leave early in the morning, and I would hate for him to be alone right now.”

Chris hesitated. He was right, but he also hated leaving Piers on his own. Although he had been getting better, his nightmares were less frequent, and sometimes he didn’t even need Chris to help him through them. But still....

“I’ll go to your place, if you want”, Sasha offered, as if he could read his mind. Those brown eyes seemed to pierce him, and he felt a little exposed.

“You would?”

“Of course. It’s closer to work anyway. Just let me know in case you’re sent on a mission, we will figure something out then.”

Chris nodded, and watched Sasha gather a few things from the bedroom, although he did not need much, given that both him and Leon already had things like a toothbrush and a change of clothes at their place. It was a little eerie how quiet Sasha could be, darting through the bedroom without even making Leon stir in his sleep.

“Take good care of him for me, yes?”, Sasha whispered, leaning up to kiss his cheek and Chris found himself instinctively moving down as well. He’d never quite realized just how gorgeous his eyes were…

“I will.”

Sasha looked back one more time before he closed the sliding door behind him, and Chris sighed. Did he even have any idea what he was doing? He knew he loved Piers, he knew he loved Leon, and now thinking about Sasha gave him those familiar butterflies too. Was this really okay? It’d only been a few weeks, and they’d never discussed his and Sasha’s relationship in particular.

He tried to push the thought out of his mind, to ignore the fluttering in his stomach, and turned to sneak into the bedroom. Leon was still asleep, but there was a slight frown creating lines on his forehead. Chris slowly got into the bed beside him, getting under the covers next to his boyfriend, and gently brushed over that frown.

“My sweet…”, Chris whispered. “You’re safe. Whatever it is that haunts you, I want to help.”

For a moment the frown got deeper, but Chris moved lower now, pulling Leon into his embrace, who followed, even in his sleep. He pressed gentle kisses to his forehead, until finally his boyfriend seemed more at ease, his breath even against Chris’ chest.

Though it was early, Chris kept his watch over Leon, it was the least he could do. Besides, he certainly didn’t mind holding him against his body. Something about Leon always made him feel safe, at peace with himself. He wondered if he made anyone else feel that way… Not today though, that was certain.

Eventually he did fall asleep though. He’d not had an erotic dream in quite a while, but that night he could see them kneeling in front of him, all of them… Piers to his left, Sasha to his right, and Leon between his legs, all three leaning in to kiss and lick him. Leon even swallowed him whole…

He woke with a start, cursing his brain for doing that to him. They were his boyfriends after all, wasn’t it okay to dream about them like that? Chris didn’t realize for a while that he still felt the warmth from the dream, pooling in his stomach. It took even longer for him to realize that Leon wasn’t in his arms anymore, and that there was a very prominent movement under the blanket, just between his legs.

For a split second he wasn’t sure who it could be, then cursed his brain for being so slow this morning. With trembling hands he grabbed the blanket, and pulled it away, revealing Leon’s gorgeous figure right there, licking along his cock.

“L-Leon!”

“Good morning”, he only paused to say it, before going back to sucking him off. Chris cursed under his breath as Leon took him in his mouth, going down, further down, almost all the way before moving back up again.

Christ, he felt good, and looked even better. The wet warmth around him, that beautiful golden hair, and now Leon was fumbling for Chris’ hand, guiding it to grasp a shock of the silky streaks. He’d never had Leon do this for him before, he’d never had anyone wake him up like this before, and he had no idea for how long of this he’d been asleep for. Judging by how close he already was, quite a while.

“Leon, oh god, Leon, Jesus Christ…” He could barely stop himself from thrusting up into that pretty mouth. “I’m gonna…”

“Go on”, Leon said, pulling away and wrapping his elegant fingers around his cock, keeping the rhythm. “Come in my mouth, I want to taste you.”

Chris was speechless. Leon had definitely not been this confident when they’d been together for that one night, but there was still a slight blush in his cheeks. That blush had always made him even prettier, and it hadn’t changed, even with his muscle mass considerably higher than it was so many years ago.

He grinned down at Leon then, and cupped his cheek, finding him immediately leaning into the touch.

“Go on then, pretty, keep going.”

He’d never seen Leon grin wickedly before, but he did so now, then parted his lips and swallowed him whole. Chris threw his head back, both hands now finding purchase in Leon’s hair, just holding him. He felt Leon bob up and down, felt his tongue pressed against his length, felt the heat spread through him, overwhelming him.

“Leon I-”

His boyfriend didn’t pull away as he came, just as he’d promised. Leon just stilled his movements, waiting for Chris to ride out his orgasm. He closed his eyes for a moment, just feeling Leon around him, the familiar warmth, the high of of his orgasm, and when he opened his eyes again, he saw his boyfriend licking up every drop of come.

“Oh, wow…”, he muttered under his breath. Even doing this, Leon managed to look gorgeous.

Leon looked up at him, and smiled a brilliant smile, before crawling up and next to Chris, who immediately held out his arm so his boyfriend could press close to him.

“What about you?”, Chris asked, pressing a lazy kiss to the top of his head.

“I’m good. Let’s just stay like this for a while. Please.” He spoke the last word so softly, as if his voice were about to crack. So Chris promised they could stay as long as he’d like, all day if he wanted to.

And they almost did. Talking about meaningless things, about organizing another reunion with what they called their little survivors group, about dinner plans, about perfectly mundane things that were still Chris’ favourite topics. He liked when things were normal, when they were peaceful.

Though he still worried about Leon’s reaction from the day before. He didn’t mention it again though, not wanting to upset his boyfriend again, but it didn’t leave his mind for weeks. In the end however, it was Leon who spoke of it again. Chris had gotten a text that only said “I need you”, making him rush over to the apartment, and finding it completely dark. He had a key for it, and so he let himself in.

“Leon?”

He didn’t get an answer, but the moonlight that did shine into the living room let him see his silhouette, huddled in one corner of the couch, knees pulled up and his arms wrapped around them. Chris immediately rushed over, but Leon flinched when he reached out, and so he pulled back his hand.

“Leon wha-” As he was closer now he saw three red streaks - streaks of blood - on his cheek. The one that had the scar. “What happened? Where is Sasha?”

“Book club”, Leon’s voice was quiet, hoarse, almost like he’d been screaming.

“Leon, look at me.”

When he did, Chris almost wished he hadn’t. The pain, the vulnerability was so clear in his eyes, and all he wanted to do was pull him close.

“I thought I’d forgotten”, he said. “I thought it was over…”

“Forgotten what, Leon?”

“K-Krauser…”

He looked away again as he said it, and Chris had to think for a while. He’d heard about him, that Leon had come across him in Spain but aside from that, he had never really been mentioned.

“Will you tell me about him?”, he asked, gladly taking Leon’s hand as he reached out, noticing that there was blood under his fingernails. He’d done this to himself… trying to get rid of the scar. He should have realized sooner, he knew this too well, Piers had done it too…

Chris gently squeezed his hand, and gave him an encouraging smile, though whether he could see it or not, he did not know. Leon stared at his own feet for a while, opening his mouth and closing it again, before he finally managed to haltingly start talking.

“Spain wasn’t the first time I’d met him. We worked together. Before. In South America”, he said, pausing in between sentences, as if speaking alone took all of his energy. It probably did. “We were s-supposed to find Javier Hidalgo but in the end… we only found his daughter, Manuela. It was… After the mission was over we went to get a drink, it was… I was young, you know I never had much experience, he was h-handsome.”

Chris really didn’t like where this was going, he inched closer to Leon, who seemed to get smaller with every word he said.

“He was charming at… at first. T-told me I was pretty and I… I wanted it when he kissed me, when he touched me but… but it was like he changed completely when we got to that hotel room. It was just rough and it hurt and I wanted him to stop, I asked him to stop but he t-tore my clothes and p-pushed into me and I… I just went limp, there was nothing I could do he wouldn’t stop he didn’t stop he-”

This time he couldn’t resist the urge to pull Leon close and hug him, hold him as he started shaking and crying. He was angry, he was so fucking angry. Leon had always been sweet, and back then he’d been so innocent too. How dare that asshole do this to him, his precious Leon?

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”, he said, trying not to let his anger show. “I reminded you of him, of what he did to you. I’m so sorry.”

“You couldn’t have known”, Leon said softly, and pushed himself up. His demeanor had changed, he looked angry now too, determined, as he looked into Chris’ eyes. “I killed him, Chris. I fucking killed him. He tried to… to do it again when we met in Spain. But I killed him.”

“Good”, Chris said, cupping his cheeks. “Good.”

Leon kissed him then, seemingly determined to do more, but abruptly pulled away, his eyes filling with tears.

“I’m sorry I can’t-”

“Don’t”, Chris interrupted, gently brushing the hair out of his face. “Don’t ever apologize for this. I wouldn’t expect you to do anything right now… Tell me what you need, Leon.”

He hesitated for a moment, deflating a little, then slowly wiped away the tears that had rolled down his cheeks. Slowly, he took Chris’ hand in his own, intertwining their fingers, pulled it to his lips and pressed the softest of kisses to it.

“I need you and I… I need pizza.”

“I’ll get you the biggest pizza in the world”, he promised, not able to help the small smile spreading on his face.

It didn’t quite turn out to be the biggest pizza, but to make up for that, there were several of them. They made themselves comfortable on the couch, after Chris had dutifully cleaned up the wounds on Leon’s cheek. His boyfriend was resting with his back against Chris’ chest. He was quiet now, eating a slice of pizza, as he told him a little more about what happened.

“I was… ugh, I was so naive back then”, Leon said, his voice quiet. “I should have known, that all that charm, it was all fake. That… he had that look in his eyes, not admiration, or, or… lust even. It was hunger, it was violent. He looked at Manuela the same way, but they took her away and I… I am only glad that it was me and not her.”

Chris paused for a moment, wrapping his arms around Leon to hold him. He was overwhelmed by the kind of person his boyfriend was, that in all this, seeing that as the silver lining….

“Leon…”

“No, I mean it.” He turned to face Chris now, again looking so determined. “It would have broken her.”

“But you’re not broken.” He didn’t ask… It didn’t need to be asked.

“No. I… It hurts to think about it, and sometimes I… get this way but, no. I keep fighting another day.”

“Damn, I love you… You're an amazing person.”

A small smile spread on Leon’s face, and he leaned in to give him a sweet kiss, that left a lingering burn from the spices they’d put on the pizza. Chris licked over his lips, closing his eyes for a moment to remember that sensation, but he didn’t need to. Again, Leon brushed his lips against his own, let them linger this time.

“I love you too, Chris.”

He hated to ruin the moment, but he had to know.

“I have to ask, so I don’t accidentally open my big mouth too much… Does Sasha know? Or anyone else?”

“No”, Leon said after a pause. “No one knows. I… I don’t know if I can tell this story again. I need time.”

“Of course, whatever you need.”

He could understand, of course he could. This was difficult, painful, as was all too evident from the marks on Leon’s cheeks. But how would they explain those, except by lying? He had promised Piers there would be nothing hidden, nothing between them. Leon had every reason to keep this secret, but he hoped that secrets like this wouldn’t come between them.

That secrets wouldn't eventually come to ruin this. 


	3. Sasha & Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha wants to try and figure this relationship out, but something back home is keeping him preoccupied.

Sasha took a sip of his tea, trying not to make eye contact with Chris, who was sitting just in front of him. This... well this was awkward. It hadn't been like this when they were still just friends, but now so much had changed and he didn't quite know how to act around him anymore. Were they still friends, or more than that? They'd never really discussed their relationship in particular, although Sasha hadn't been able to resist kissing him a few days ago. Chris was handsome, of course he was, but if Sasha was honest he didn't feel quite the same way about him as he did about Leon or Piers. But what if Chris did? Were they meant to be a proper couple as well?

All of this was racing through his mind as he drank, the silence between them stretching out.

"Maybe we don't need to-"

"Do you want to-"

Both had started to speak at the same time, and stopped at the same time as well. Another short pause, and they started to laugh, Sasha's hand was shaking so much that he had to put his mug down as to not spill any of his tea.

"When did things get so awkward?", Chris asked, wiping away a tear from the corner of his eye.

"I suppose it has something to do with this whole.... relationship thing."

"Probably, I mean...", Chris trailed off, and he could swear that there was a slight blush in his cheeks. "But with us... We don't have to... you know... right?"

Sasha had to chuckle at the awkward phrasing, but he nodded. He did know.

"I agree. We should not pressure ourselves into anything, as long as we are okay with... the others", Sasha finished lamely. It was difficult talking about this, as he had no idea how this thing could or would work. He just wanted everyone to be happy. "Are you... ever jealous?"

Chris paused for a moment, making Sasha's heart skip a beat. If this didn't work out, if Leon ever chose... No. He forced himself not to finish that thought. Things would be all right, they had to be. It had been his idea in the first place.

"I don't think so", Chris eventually said, and Sasha let out a small sigh. "It is odd, I have to admit that. Watching Piers... Watching you kiss, and thinking that one day there will be more than that too. But I want him to be happy."

Now it was Sasha's turn to pause, his hand tightening around the mug. Communication was the key, he had to talk about this, needed to mention it, now. Even if it ruined the mood. But it was hard, especially when he considered the risk of ruining so much more than just the mood. He took a deep breath.

"I don't think he is", he said quietly, and out of his peripheral vision he saw Chris' head snap up. He forced himself to look at him. There was no surprise in his eyes. "You already know."

"We've been... distant, lately." Chris was holding onto his own mug, his finger tracing the rim of it. "I don't know what do do."

"I hate to do this, talking behind his back, but I fear otherwise we will not be able to move forward. He says you will not touch him anymore."

"I just don't want to take advantage of him!", Chris looked at him again, his stance defensive. "I know he's not exactly getting better. It just seems... wrong."

"You need to tell him that", Sasha said, leaning forward and covering Chris' hand with his own. "He thinks you do not love him anymore, that you would rather be with Leon."

"That's not-"

"Then tell him!", he said again, more insistent this time. "For the record I think you are doing the right thing, but he is afraid of losing you. He needs you, just... hold him."

For a moment there seemed to be a shadow over Chris' face, something else that bothered him but it was gone just as quickly as it had showed up, and he abruptly stood.

"I'll talk to him", Chris said, already gathering his jacket.

"Good."

Just before he left, he walked back towards Sasha, and engulfed him in a tight hug. Sasha relaxed into it, he already loved the way this large man hugged him, and smiled up at him as Chris thanked him.

The moment he had left the apartment, the second Sasha had closed the sliding door, he dropped his smile, and pressed his forehead against the cold steel. What the hell was he doing here? Comforting his maybe boyfriend, making sure he talked to his _other_  boyfriend so he'd be okay? This all seemed ridiculous to him, ever since...

With heavy steps he walked to the bookshelf against the back wall, took out _Don Quixote_ , the most boring book he'd been able to find, and took out the plane tickets he had hidden in them. Plane tickets home, four of them. For his mother's funeral.

Clutching them, he sank to his knees, his shoulder leaning against the brick wall of the apartment, trying to fight back the tears. Again. And failing. Again.

While he had been busy building his shiny new life in America, while he was busy fucking and being happy and building this new relationship his mother had died. He hadn't visited her in months, not since he had permanently moved here. He'd always put it off, thinking there was time, thinking it would happen so soon. But it didn't, and now... She was gone.

She hadn't even seen him walk again. Hadn't seen Piers or Chris, hadn't properly met Leon, the damn love of his life. Instead she had died, all alone, because he hadn't been able to read the signs she'd sent him, because he'd been too busy being happy.

The guilt tore at him, made him want to scream, made him want to hurt himself. How could he have let this happen? His own _mother_. The only family he had left. Gone, forever.

He didn't notice that he was crumpling the tickets that he still held on to, he was too busy crying and shaking and clutching them to his chest. He wasn't even sure why he hadn't told the others. If he were to go to the funeral he would need their support, he was just not capable of doing it on his own. There were only a few days left, and he was still pretending to be okay.

But he was afraid of being judged, as they would surely do. How could they not, when he had neglected his own mother? He hadn't even gone to take care of the preparations himself, had all done it via phone or email. What kind of a person was he? He thought he'd changed for the better, but evidently that was not the case.

The low hum of the elevator ripped him from his thoughts. He scrambled up and hid the tickets again, before rushing to the bathroom. He tried to avoid the mirror as much as possible, couldn't bear looking at his own face, at the guilt he'd see there. Washing his face, he hoped to earn enough time to calm himself down, to not look like he'd been crying and make Leon worry. Eventually, he had to tell them though, he knew that. A few days, they were all that he had left. And he had to go, there was no way past it. He owed his mother at least that much.

As he was done dabbing his face dry with his towel, he got a glimpse at himself in the mirror. Just as he had expected... All that guilt was so clear on his face... But he forced himself to practice a smile, one that was almost painful, although halfway convincing. He crossed his fingers that Leon hadn't gotten better at reading people, or he'd immediately know that something was wrong.

Taking a deep breath, forcing his hand to become steady once more, he opened the door to the bedroom, walked through it slowly, willing his steps to become normal again.

"Leon did you remember to bring the-"

He stopped in his tracks when he saw his boyfriend standing in front of the answering machine, listening to their messages and his heart skipped a beat. The voice talking was clearly Russian - had he forgotten to delete one of the messages? There it was, mentioning the funeral, and his last name... Despite himself his hands started to shake again.

P _lease please please let him not understand please-_

"Sasha?" In any other circumstances the concentrated frown on Leon's face might have been adorable, but right now he couldn't even think of the word. Any words, really. "Why are they talking about a Kozachenko funeral? Did.... oh no."

Sasha shook his head, his lower lip trembling. He couldn't speak, couldn't walk away or do anything but shake his head.

_Please Leon, no..._

But of course his boyfriend stepped forward, hesitating for a moment because he was still shaking his head, his eyes filling with tears now, making his view of Leon fuzzy. It seemed like the world was shifting all of a sudden, and through his blurry vision he saw Leon rushing forward, catching him as he stumbled.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Leon’s voice sounded like it came from far away as Sasha sank to the floor, carefully guided there by his boyfriend. He wanted to say something, anything, but he was incapable of doing anything but trying to keep breathing. It was like his body was fighting him every step of the way. He then felt a pair of gentle hands on his cheeks, and now Leon’s face was right in front of him. Those lovely lips were moving, but no sound reached Sasha’s ears, nevertheless Leon's presence somehow managed to calm him. At least enough that all sound and feelings came rushing back to him.

“Sasha, did your mother-”, Leon stopped mid-sentence, his pain so clear on his expressive face.

But why was he in pain? It wasn’t his mother that had died. Slowly Sasha reached out to cup his cheek, the one with the faint scar on it that he wouldn’t dare mention after what Chris had told him. One day Leon might share that story with him, but right now he couldn’t even think about what might have caused it.

“It is… I.... I am a horrible person”, he managed to choke out, and immediately Leon was hugging him again.

“No, Sasha, why would you say that? Come here…” Leon slipped his arms under Sasha, and with one fluid motion, picked him up to carry him across the room and to the couch. For a moment Sasha was surprised at this display of strength. Somewhere along the line he had completely forgotten what Leon was, and what he was capable of.

Sasha felt conflicted, pressed against his boyfriend like that. He craved this touch, he needed it if he was to get through his mother’s funeral, but at the same time he didn’t think he deserved it. Any of it. It was the reason he hadn’t been there when his mother had died.

“Sasha, will you explain what’s going on?” Leon sounded so calm and gentle, and Sasha sighed. This was the moment he had been dreading, but he didn’t have a choice, not anymore. He took one shaky breath to try and steady his rapidly beating heart, but he knew that it was useless.

“My mother… she died.”

Saying it out loud was something completely different. It seemed to fully sink in now, and the weeks he had spent holding it all in were now weighing heavily on his shoulders. Silent tears rolled down his cheeks, making his vision blurry. He had just been staring into space anyway, not able to look at Leon anymore. Only noticing it after a while, it seemed that his hand had curled in Leon’s shirt on its own, but he didn’t seem to mind. Of course he didn’t, Leon was so gentle and sweet.

“And I… I was not there I was too busy… with all this.” He made a vague gesture around the apartment with his free hand, but let it fall back into his lap, too tired to even hold it up for long. “She was all alone. She spent her last days on this earth all alone because her stupid son was too busy with his… with his…. boyfriends.”

He had spit out the last word a bit more venomous than he had intended it to be. He didn’t blame them, of course not. It had been his fault, and his alone, that he hadn’t even checked in with his mother while she had evidently been getting weaker and weaker.

“It’s not your fault”, Leon said, his voice quiet and somehow brittle. Sasha’s head snapped up at the odd way it sounded, and saw the guilt he felt clearly written on Leon’s face. “You couldn’t have known.”

“I should have!”, he protested. “I should have called her more I should have visited! Leon she… she never even saw me walk.”

Wiping away his tears was useless, he knew that, but Leon tried, and he found himself unable to reject the gesture.

“She wouldn’t resent you for being happy. You did call her, I heard you talk late at night. She probably didn’t want you to worry.”

“How would you know? You never even met her!”, Sasha blurted out, and immediately regretted it, hating the way Leon looked so visibly hurt. “It- it is my fault as well. I wanted you to meet her and then I never… I never... “

He took a deep breath, looking down at his lap where his other hand had now wandered to grasp Leon’s shirt too. It’d be ruined if he pulled any tighter on it, but Leon didn’t even seem to notice.

“Leon I… This is something that I can never take back. You cannot… you cannot make this better. I know I should have, and could have done more. She died alone and it is all my fault.”

The silence stretching between them hurt him almost as much as this realization that he would somehow need to live with this. He would gladly give away the use of his legs again just so he could make this right, so he could be there when his mother needed him the most.

“What can I do?”, Leon finally asked, pulling Sasha closer.

Finally he gave in and rested his head against his boyfriend’s shoulder, strong and warm and comforting against the hollow that he felt in his chest.

“The… the funeral is in a few days I… I cannot do this on my own. I have no right to ask but-”

“I’ll be there”, Leon said. “Of course I will. And the others as well, I’m sure of it. If that’s what you want.”

Sasha shouldn’t have been this surprised at his boyfriend’s reaction, and shouldn’t have expected anything else from Chris and Piers either. And yet when he listened to Leon explain the situation to them, all they did was hug him and promise their support. He couldn’t stand it though, this affection that he didn’t deserve. His mother had deserved it, but because of him hadn’t gotten it.

He worried about Piers too, about his episode in the café, one they had never talked about since. What if it happened again? He wanted to talk to him about it, but before he knew it days had passed and they were back in his home town, a tiny village a few miles away from the capital. His mother had always loved it here, had refused to move with him to the big city, and yet when he had still lived there she came over regularly, despite her age.

Sasha hadn’t been able to drive them to the little village, after dealing with this, he just felt too tired and barely even managed to give Chris directions, who had snatched the key of the rental cars from Leon’s hands. Watching the all too familiar scenery go by made his heart ache, almost a pleasant change from the numbness he’d been feeling. He shouldn’t forget this place, he should keep it with him, return whenever he could. He owed his mother that much.

“Stop, here”, he told Chris when they had finally arrived in front of the old house. His old house, his mother’s… It was tiny, more like a cottage than a house and it had been cramped living there, especially when his father had still been alive and yet he’d never experienced it as such. To him it had been cozy, to him it had simply been his home. To be back here now and feel this grief, it froze him in place. He just stared at the house, heard the others leave the car but his body wouldn’t move.

He heard them talking, their voices muffled through the closed door of the car, but he knew they were talking about him. Worrying. He heard the word hotel and right now Sasha thought it would be best to go to one, as he didn’t think he would be able to spend the night here.

After a few more minutes it was Chris, big, gentle Chris who opened the door and undid the safety belt. He then took his hands, and carefully pulled him out of the car. Sasha stumbled as he did, his feet just not quite doing what he wanted them to, but of course Chris was there to catch him.

“Do you want to go inside?”, he asked. “Or we could just take a walk. Stretch our feet. It’s been a long flight.”

“A… a walk sounds good”, Sasha said quietly, so grateful for the strong arm that wrapped around him and led him down the street. The three had no idea where to go, but it didn’t matter. The fresh air did feel nice, as did Chris pressed against him and the knowledge that Piers and Leon were right behind them. He should have been more worried about what people would think, especially in a small village like this, but he needed the support too much. He also knew that the three of them would protect him from anyone who would try something.

It didn’t take long for a few passersby to give them strange looks, even in the capital it hadn’t been that common for open displays of affection between same sex couples, but out here it was rarer still. If it happened at all. Sasha had to smile to himself as he thought about the imposing figure that was Chris right beside him. He doubted anyone would say anything, as none of them knew just how big of a sweetheart he really was. Though according to Leon, he was tough too. Sasha almost wished he could see him in action some time.

The walk through the village and then the surrounding fields did manage to calm him down a little. It was good to be back here, to see it again. This had been his home for so long, when he was innocent and happy. And that he really had been, despite his younger self complaining that everything was too boring, was too _ochre_  and he couldn’t wait to go off to the big city. Now he wished he’d stayed for just a bit longer.

“I think… I think I can go inside now”, Sasha said quietly, and so Chris gently steered them back towards the small house.

There was a little brown fence around it, the wooden gate of it standing ajar and so he pushed it open all the way, freeing himself from Chris’ gentle grip. The small front garden was overgrown now, lavender and roses growing partially over the path to the front door. The scent was overwhelming, it brought him back to his childhood and his mother’s cooking that he had loved so much. As if in a haze he walked forward, stooped to take the key from under the little ceramic frog next to the door and opened it.

Everything was just like it had been the last time he’d been here. It still smelled like his mother, like lavender and flour and home. But it was too quiet. No shuffling of her feet, a sound that got slower as the years went by, no happy shouting of “ _Alexander!_ ” when she knew he’d come home for a visit, there was no gentle embrace and chattering as she’d fill him in on what had happened while he was gone.

Nothing. Just silence.

“ _I’m sorry, mama, I’m so sorry…_ ” He sunk to his knees right there, only a few steps into the house. He felt himself shaking, and wrapped his arms around himself, muttering the apology over and over again.

It didn’t take long for him to feel another presence next to him, then another, then one behind him, and then he was in a pile of hugs and warmth and comfort. Tears were streaming down his face once more, and he couldn’t stop muttering that apology. He couldn’t make it better, there was no way, but somehow he was unable to accept it. How could he live like that? He’d failed so many people, JD, Irina, now his mother…

He had no idea for how long they were down there on the floor, with him crying, shaking and apologizing. It felt like hours when he was finally able to stop, mostly because he just didn’t have the energy anymore, and yet there was so much they would still need to do. Some things needed to be packed up, he would need to decide what he perhaps wanted to keep, and then there was the issue of the house… No one was living here now, the rational thing to do would be to sell it but…

He slowly pushed himself up, immediately getting help from Leon who looked so completely lost. Sasha had to smile at his clueless boyfriend.

“Thank you, all of you”, he said, his voice hoarse. “I need to uhm… Need to pack things up.”

“Right now?”, Piers asked carefully, stepping in front of him. He’d been the one to hug him from behind. “Do you need more time?”

“There is no point in waiting. I have done that for far too long it is why-”, he broke off his own sentence, looking away. “I will go through the house.”

“We’ll help”, Chris said, but all three stayed behind for his first round, and he was thankful for it.

He tried to distance himself from the memories that were threatening to overwhelm him, to look objectively, as much as it was possible, at the remaining earthly possessions of his mother. And himself. His room had barely changed since he moved out, he had always thought it was funny to see what it had been like when he was a teenager. Posters of old movies, CDs of bands he used to like, it was always like going back in time, to visit a part of himself that was long gone.

He made a mental note to pack up some of these things, some CDs maybe, though most of his old clothes could be thrown out or donated. Sasha was fully aware that there were still a lot of people left homeless after the civil war, and he regularly donated money to help them. Not that it was ever enough, he’d been responsible for so much death-

“Sasha?”, Leon’s voice dragged him out of his ever downwards spiralling thoughts. He turned and saw his hand on his shoulder out of the corner of his eye. “Do you want me to go in with you?”

Without realizing it Sasha had ended up in front of the door to his mother’s room. In childish handwriting, a colourfully drawn sign showed her name: Margarita. And just in case it wasn’t clear enough, Sasha had written “mama” underneath as well. There were flowers and hearts on the sign too, and although it was so old, fraying at the edges, a little dirty from where it had fallen a few times, it was still on the door. She had loved him with all her heart.

“Hold my hand?”, Sasha asked, and Leon immediately complied, intertwining their fingers and squeezing to reassure him. He hesitated for a moment, but then also leaned in to brush a very careful kiss against his lips. Sasha sighed. They’d not kissed for a while now, and just then he realized how much he missed it, but this wasn’t the time or the place to think about it further.

This room as well was just as he remembered it. The small bed with the purple cover over it, a picture of him on the bedside table, a vase on the dresser , only this time without flowers, and the curtains with daisies on them covering the window. The two of them stepped inside, and Sasha looked around, some part of him hoping that this was all a dream, maybe he could still wake up and not join the rebels. Maybe he could still undo all of this.

But then Leon squeezed his hand again and he shook the thought. Not all of it, no. Although the war had taken much from him, he had gained something too. Someone. More than one someone, he thought with a faint smile as he heard Piers and Chris come up behind them as well. He and Leon sat down on the bed, which had always been way too soft for Sasha’s taste, but his mother had preferred it that way.

“How do you feel?”, Piers asked, kneeling in front of him.

“Like absolute shit”, Sasha answered honestly, shaking his head a little. “She deserved a better son than me.”

“Shut up, you’re great”, Piers simply said and it made his head snap up to look at him.

“I assure you, I am not.”

“Yes you are”, he insisted, and reached for a small packet of letters Sasha had missed before. “Look at these. The last one is like… a few weeks old. It’s been months since I talked to my mom, and I certainly never wrote her.”

“I-”

“No let me finish. I know this is devastating, I can’t even imagine how much this hurts right now. But you’re a good son, a good person. You loved her and she knew that.”

“You can’t know…”, he trailed off, looking away again. It didn’t change the fact that she had been alone.

“I do know. Because I know you”, Piers insisted, reaching out to take his free hand. “You’re a good person. Yeah, maybe you messed up this once but it doesn’t change a lifetime of love that you gave her.”

“Piers, she’s dead!”, he yelled, but Piers didn’t flinch. “She died alone because of me! That is not just messing up that is… unforgivable!”

“Poor choice of words, I admit.” Despite his outburst he remained oddly calm. “But I still mean it. She knew you loved her, just look around this room.”

He had. Or so he thought. He hadn’t noticed the letters before, and neither had he seen the newspaper clippings on the wall next to the bed. Articles about the civil war, the rebellion. As he looked closer, he could see that whenever the articles talked badly about them, his mother had just written over it, with much nicer things, even if it was just something like: They are very good boys, very polite.

Sasha smiled as tears filled his eyes again. She was displaying this as if she’d been proud of what he’d done, despite the devastation it had caused. Suddenly he realized this room was filled with things of him. Things from his childhood, drawings he had made for her or for school, things from when he’d grown up, pictures of him traveling to the city, of him at university. He had never realized just how many letters he’d sent her, and it looked like she had kept all of them, there was an entire drawer dedicated to them. And then there were the recent things: some knick knacks he had left behind when he moved were now in this room, and in the first drawer of her bedside table, an unfinished letter addressed to him, and the picture of him and Leon he had sent her what seemed like a lifetime ago. He’d still been in a wheelchair then, but it was obvious the two of them were a couple.

_My dear boy,_  
_finally you look happy!_  
_Although make sure you don’t become too American!_  
_I love you very much_

And here it looked like she had been interrupted in the middle of her writing, there were also a few things that were crossed out, as if this had only been a first draft. But Sasha clutched it close to his chest, and leaned against Leon who wrapped his arms around him. He took a few deep, shaky breaths, trying to steady himself again.

This was it, there was nothing he could do.

“We should keep… keep organizing”, he eventually said, earning concerned looks from everyone. “I promise I… I will not be fine but I will live.”

Sasha was infinitely grateful for their help with everything. A lot of the things in the house could be sold or given away, though Sasha made sure that everything important, mostly things from his mother’s room, were packed away and sent to their home in the States for safekeeping. After a few days he still had no idea what to do with the house and then… he was surprised by his boyfriends. They would keep it, for now, for as long as Sasha wasn’t able to part with it. On his own he would never have been able to afford it, and he felt like taking advantage by accepting their money, but he just couldn’t let go, not yet, not completely.

They even promised they would come back very soon. What on earth would he have done without them? They were always there during those days, offering a shoulder to lean on, making sure he was getting enough food, enough rest although Sasha never really felt like sleeping.

And then there was he funeral itself. Despite what he had thought, they weren’t the only ones that had shown up. There were a few faces he remembered, friends of his mother’s, people that he had grown up with. He had frozen up when he’d seen them, scared that they would call him out for being such a terrible son but… none of them did. None of them blamed him, or called him names, none of them even said anything about those strange Americans he had suddenly shown up with. A few odd looks here and there of course, but nothing more, not even when during the priest’s speech he reached out for Leon’s hand once more, afraid he would be swallowed by the dark hole inside his chest.

His three boyfriends didn’t complain when they were invited into a small pub to drink after the funeral. Sasha gladly listened to stories about his mother, even told a few himself, feeling oddly proud when Leon managed to understand them.

“ _I understood that!_ ”, he proudly said in Russian, then blushed when everyone looked at him. “ _Sorry._ ”

“Don’t be”, Sasha replied, squeezing Leon’s hand under the table.

It was late at night when they finally left the pub, all of them a bit tipsy - Leon more so than everyone else - as they made their way back to the village’s hotel. More like an inn, really, and with the four of them using two rooms it was halfway booked out. Leon was pressing against him, still holding onto his hand, never letting go.

Sasha looked up at the stars, so bright and clear out here, and realized he almost felt a sense of calm wash over him. Yes, this hurt. It would hurt for a long time, and he would feel guilty for even longer. But at least he had this, at least he had them. 


	4. Leon & Piers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Sasha decides to stay behind in his home town and Chris is called out for a mission, Leon and Piers spend time together. Neither expected their night to go this way however.

Leaving Sasha behind in the little village had been one of the hardest thing he’d ever had to do and he cursed his job, not just in his head for once, for demanding that he go back home. To be on standby. _In case_  something happened. It was in his contract though, and the agency wasn’t to be trifled with. The government wasn’t to be trifled with. And so he had to go, Sasha assuring him that he would be all right, that spending some more time there might do him good and there were still things he needed to organize.

Chris had offered to stay behind - the perks of being with a private organization meant being able to take more time off - but Sasha insisted and assured them that he really needed some time alone to himself. All three worried, Leon knew, he had to just take one look at them, but if that was what he needed, they would give him space.

He was certainly missing his presence beside him in their bed, still couldn’t believe how much he’d gotten used to it, how good it felt. Just as good as when Chris had been here, that large man holding him through a bad night. Just then, a few days after they’d gotten home, he realized how much he now hated sleeping on his own. A few years ago he’d never have even considered it, but now he had to admit that he was a real cuddlebug.

What would it feel like with Piers?

He was about as tall as himself, lankier though, and so very handsome… It wasn’t the first time this thought had been on his mind. Ever since they’d… all gotten together, he had been thinking about it. What it would be like to kiss him, what it would be like to hold him, or even to make love to him. He felt heat rise into his cheeks, because he realized more and more that he wanted all of them to top him. Maybe even at the same time.

“Oh god, you’re a perv, Leon”, he told the empty bedroom.

He was even thinking about it two days earlier when both of them were visiting and Chris had pulled him aside to the bedroom. His gaze had remained on Piers and those lips and then the door was closed. He really should have been worrying about other things, about Sasha and how he was feeling, about his own problems. Which, as it turned out, was why Chris had pulled him aside.

“Hey, what with all that… funeral stuff, we hadn’t had a chance to talk again”, he said quietly, taking a step towards Leon. One large hand came to rest on his arm, but he still tensed up because he now realized where this was leading. “About you know…”

“I know”, he said, this time not avoiding eye contact. “I just don’t want to talk about it anymore okay? You know now, and it’s fine. I’m over it, really.”

“But the way you reacted I just… I think maybe you should-”

“I just never talked to anyone about it before”, Leon interrupted. “I swear it’s-”

He immediately stopped talking when Piers entered the room, who looked quite guilty having interrupted him. There was a sadness in his eyes too, and Leon had to look away. He was keeping secrets from them it was just… He didn’t want to deal with this anymore. He wanted to forget and keep living his life, Krauser didn’t deserve that he thought about him.

“Just wanted to ask if I should order pizza”, Piers said quietly, and didn’t wait for an answer before he left the room again, closing the door behind him.

“Good thing that wasn’t awkward”, Chris mumbled, and Leon glared at him.

“It wouldn’t have been if you hadn’t meddled. Just leave it.”

Looking back on it now Leon had probably overreacted, and he didn’t like that he had left it like that between them. Chris had looked guilty but also concerned, and Piers had grown quiet that day. In the end they hadn’t even ordered anything, and they had just left. Now he was here, all alone, wishing there was someone he could call to keep him company but before he could do that he’d need to apologize. And then explain… He wasn’t even sure he could.

His phone’s ringtone startled him, made him hug the pillow he was holding a little tighter before he reached for it. The screen showed Piers, awkwardly hiding under his usual hoodie but also holding up a peace sign. There was an arm around him, Chris’ arm, but Leon used the other half of that picture as Chris’ ID when he called. They were too cute together.

“Hey”, he said, realizing that Piers had never called him before.

“Hey…”, Piers' voice sounded a bit hoarse, and it was followed by a pause. “Chris erm… he had to go.”

“Oh? Mission?”

“Yeah.” Another pause, this time stretching out longer. He then heard a soft sigh, and maybe even a small sniffle.

“Are you okay, Piers?” He knew that Piers was still struggling with his PTSD, that he was still seeing a therapist. It had never come up much between them, and Leon didn’t want to pry.

“I just…. Leon?”

“Yes. I’m here.” He was clutching the pillow a little tighter now.

“I… I don’t want to be alone tonight. Can I come over?”

“Yes of course, sw-”, Leon stopped himself before he called him ‘sweetheart’. “You don’t have to ask. I could come over, too.”

“No I… I’ll be on my way.”

“Okay.” Leon immediately got up and made up the bed properly, dashed through the apartment to do some last minute cleaning up. Why he suddenly got nervous, he had no idea. He’d known Piers for a while now, and knew he wouldn’t take offense to a bit of dust here and there.

Suddenly he wondered whether Piers had eaten, and he rummaged through their cabinets to try and find something. Score - a packet of hot pockets. It was something, and considering Sasha wasn’t here to remind him what to buy, actually more than he could have hoped for. He was still in the middle of making a small plate of assorted fast food that could be made in the microwave when he heard Piers knocking on the door.

“You have a key, you can use it you know”, Leon said with a gentle smile as he opened the door for Piers.

He looked so small tonight. Shoulders hunched, hood pulled low, not a bag with him. Not that he needed one, there was plenty of his and Chris’ stuff here at their apartment. Leon stepped aside to let him inside, and Piers wandered off, eventually coming to a stop and leaning against the kitchen counter.

“If erm… if you’re hungry I have hot pockets”, Leon offered, following him.

“I’m not”, Piers said quietly, but he turned so his body was facing Leon.

This was difficult for him. He wasn’t good at reading people, finding out what they wanted when they didn’t outright say it to him. Piers clearly needed something, but what? Touch, or space? Talking or silence? Leon had no idea, and so he just awkwardly stood in front of him, waiting for something to happen.

“If erm… if you’re tired the bed is read”, he eventually said. “I can take the couch.”

“No!” The word shot out of him quickly, and Leon flinched a little. “I just, I need…”

Piers slowly pushed himself off the counter, and walked the rest of the distance between them. Hesitantly he reached out, grasping Leon’s shirt and leaning closer. Now, finally, Leon understood what he needed. Just as carefully Leon reached out too, wrapping his arms around the slender young man and pulled him close. His hand came up to pull down Piers’ hood, and then he cupped the back of his head, gently rocking him.

“I’m not good at this”, Leon said softly. “The whole… reading people thing. You can ask me for anything Piers, just… before I do something really stupid, or worse, not do anything, please tell me what you need.”

“You’re kind of a dork.” Piers’ voice was muffled as he was pressed against his chest, but both of them had to chuckle.

“I know”, Leon said with a drawn out sigh. “I have come to terms with it. I hope you can too.”

“It’s kinda cute.” He finally looked up at him now, a soft smile on his face. It suited him a lot better than that nervous expression from before. “I uhm… So this is me telling you things uhm… I’m really tired.”

“Then let’s go.” Leon took Piers’ scarred hand, intentionally as he’d seen Chris do, and led him to the bedroom where they stood awkwardly for another moment before undressing to their shorts.

It was the first time Leon saw the extent of Piers’ scarring. His entire arm was covered in what looked like spiderwebs, and it ran up to his shoulder, his neck and some part of his cheek as well. It even went over some of his upper torso too, and Piers started to squirm under his gaze. Leon quickly apologized and handed him a shirt, but before he put it on he hesitated.

“This smells like Sasha”, he said.

“It’s his. I normally wear it but I thought maybe you’d like to. It’s very comforting.”

Piers looked up at him then, smiling, and it struck Leon how gorgeous he was. Cute too. Very cute. Too cute. So cute he wanted to go kiss him right then and there.

“Thank you.”

“Yeah no problem.” Leon slipped into the bed before he did anything stupid, but then Piers joined him, wearing Sasha’s shirt, and pressed himself close to him. Leon wrapped his arms around him, he couldn’t help it. He really did miss someone with him, and Piers was offering his affection so freely…

Leon was surprised by how easily he could accept this, by how comfortable he immediately was with Piers. They had hugged in greeting, sure, but this was something different. Leon just wanted to protect him right now, and perhaps Sasha’s scent on him did help a little. He kind of wished the others were here too, to help keep Piers safe and comfortable.

“Sorry I bothered you”, Piers mumbled against his chest.

“You’re not bothering me. I’m glad you’re here actually.”

Piers pulled away a little to look at him, his right, milky white eye a little out of focus.

“What do you mean?”

“Just before you called I was thinking uhm…”, he blushed a little but by now he was so used to it that he just kept talking. “I guess I was a bit lonely. I don’t like when I’m alone in this bed.”

“Wow just… wow. And here I thought you couldn’t get any cuter.” A wide smile was spreading on Piers’ face and then he surprised Leon by kissing him. He’d never kissed Piers before, but he was good… wow he was good. There was a bit of a rough feeling against his lips, where the scar tissue reached Piers’ lips, but it only made the kiss more exciting. Though it hadn’t exactly been chaste at first, Leon found himself eagerly parting his lips to deepen the kiss.

It felt like his brain was completely silenced by that kiss. All he wanted was more, harder, to feel Piers against him, to feel him more. His hands seemed to move on their own as they pulled Piers on top of him, instinctively wanting to submit to him. Piers looked surprised for a moment, but then he rolled his hips against Leon’s, making them both moan.

“Shit…”, Piers mumbled, but before Leon could say anything else his hands were sliding over his naked torso, tracing the lines of his abs and then rolling one nipple between his fingers. Leon whimpered at the sensation, and scrambled to get Piers out of his shirt. Even scarcely dressed like this there was definitely too much fabric between them.

Seconds passed and they were naked, Piers straddling him, kissing him, his lips, his jaw, peppering a hot trail down his neck and finishing it with a nip to his shoulder. Leon yelped a little in surprise, making them both chuckle before they were drawn to one another again. Piers’ kisses were hot and passionate, filling his head with only one thought: more.

Leon only had to reach for the top drawer of the bedside table to pull out the lube - strawberry flavoured. Of course in the beginning Leon hadn’t had any idea things like that existed, but once he’d realized it he and Sasha had started to try out many different kinds. Strawberry however was his favourite, and he pressed it into Piers’ hand, who leaned down to kiss him, this time slower, gentler. Leon could just melt under that kiss.

And then those kisses moved steadily lower, a hot trail that sent shivers down Leon’s spine, that made him arch his back and whimper. He gasped when Piers dipped his tongue into his belly button, his hands instinctively reaching to grasp his hair when he licked over his cock. Leon was muttering to himself, words that didn’t even make sense, because his brain was just overwhelmed when Piers pressed one finger into him, slicked up and yet gentle, careful.

Leon couldn’t decide which sensation he liked the most. Those sweet licks over his cock, the gentle fingers inside him, working him open, or the hot kisses on his thigh or his belly. Piers was good, Piers took his breath away and made him twist the sheets under him for fear he might pull out his hair. The part of his mind that was still able to think somewhat was silenced when Piers found his prostate and just kept massaging it. He was whimpering and moaning softly, something at the back of his mind still telling him not to be too loud.

He gasped when Piers pulled out his fingers, felt impatient as he settled between his legs, lining up his cock with his entrance. He needed this, and he needed it now.

“Ready, gorgeous?”, Piers asked, kissing and nipping at his jaw.

Leon grasped his ass in reply, and squeezed it while leaning in for a real kiss, a messy one that turned deeper as Piers finally pushed into him. It had been far, far too long since he’d felt anyone inside him, since he had felt this perfect. As Piers pushed deeper into him, eventually all the way, looking down at him with his lips slightly parted he thought he never wanted to do anything else ever again. Oh and then… then he started to move and it sent his nerves on fire.

On instinct he wrapped his legs around Piers, fingers digging into his shoulders as he begged for more, faster, harder. A grin spread on his face as he complied with Leon’s request, and a few moments later he was slamming into him, hitting that sweet spot inside him with every thrust. Leon couldn’t hold back anymore, throwing his head back he started to moan as loudly as he’d wanted before, calling out Piers’ name over and over again.

“Damn Leon…”, he heard Piers mumble on top of him, the way he looked at him now hungry and he swallowed his moans with a kiss, never stopping his thrusts. They were even harder than Sasha’s had been, perhaps some of that super strength was showing. In any case, Leon was grateful for it.

“Please, yes, more, I’m gonna…”, Leon stammered, feeling the familiar heat pooling in his stomach, felt himself coming close without even touching himself.

“Not quite yet”, Piers said, and Leon couldn’t help but stare up at him, mesmerized by the authority in his voice.

He had stopped moving, buried all the way inside him and Leon was close, so tantalizingly close he just needed him to move a little bit. He started to squirm but Piers suddenly grabbed his wrists and pinned them over his head.

“P-please”, he said, and he’d be surprised by how desperate he sounded if it wasn’t exactly how he felt right now.

“Let me look at you first”, Piers sounded almost predatory and then shifted so he’d be able to pin both his wrists down with one hand. Leon didn’t know who of them was stronger, but he didn’t want to find out. He realized that he liked this - a lot.

Piers now used his free hand to touch him all over, to roll one nipple between his fingers and seemed to delight in the whimpers he elicited from him. Then he traced over his abs again, over the soft skin on his hips that made his breath hitch and finally dragged one finger very slowly, agonizingly slowly over the tip of his cock. Leon was ready to cry he was so close, and yet… yet it felt so good to be teased.

“You want me to touch you here?”, Piers asked, smirking at him.

“N-no!”, Leon gasped. “P-please, fuck me, please, Piers, fuck me.”

“If that’s what you want…”

And suddenly Piers almost pulled out all the way, thrust into him hard and then stopped once more to watch his reaction. This… this was torture. Sweet, agonizing, pure pleasure but torture. Piers kept doing it, kept thrusting into him and then pausing, getting him just to the edge and then didn’t let him come. After a while Leon was truly crying, but he kept begging him to go on too.

“I think I’ll allow you to come now, gorgeous”, Piers said after what felt like an eternity, followed by the sweetest of kisses.

“Oh yes, please ah-”

Any words Leon might have had were lost when Piers resumed his earlier pace, thrusting into him roughly, not pausing, not holding back at all. It didn’t take long for Leon to come now, saw only black as that exquisite wave of pleasure rolled over him, made his toes curl and his fingernails rake over Piers’ back.

He was lost, for how long, he could not tell. Lost in the pleasure, the warmth, the feeling of Piers’ body pressed against his. Complete and utter bliss. When he finally came to, Piers was watching him with a gentle smile.

“Hey”, he whispered, and a big smile spread on Leon’s face.

“Hey ‘self…”, Leon mumbled. “....wow.”

Piers chuckled in reply, and leaned in to press a very sweet kiss to his lips, one Leon wanted to return but couldn’t as of yet. He then brushed some of his hair out of his face, traced over his cheek and Leon couldn’t help but lean into that touch.

He gasped when Piers pulled out of him, resenting the loss a little bit and watched as he got up to go to the bathroom. He returned with a wet towel, slipped back into bed and cradled him close. Leon sighed as he slowly cleaned him up, only now realizing his stomach was covered in his own come. He was still sensitive but Piers was careful when he cleaned his entrance as well, and managed to still make him feel comfortable.

When he was done he pulled Leon close, cradling him once more so his back was to Piers’ chest. Leon felt utterly safe like this, and he sighed again, completely sated and happy.

“I didn’t expect that”, Piers whispered but Leon was already nodding off.

“Hm… me neither…”, he trailed off, trying to keep his eyes open but Piers just chuckled behind him.

“All right, you go ahead and sleep now, gorgeous.”

“Kay…”

A dreamless sleep overwhelmed him quickly, that wonderful darkness that cocooned him into safety. The feeling didn’t go away when he woke up, instead he sighed contentedly against a warm chest, wriggling closer and finding that he couldn’t. Kind arms were wrapped around him, lazily playing with his hair. Leon hesitated for a moment, then pressed sleepy kisses to that chest, not caring whether the skin was scarred or not.

“I take it you’re awake”, Piers chuckled and pulled back a little. Leon wriggled up a bit, so they could look at each other.

The more he looked at Piers the more he realized how handsome he was. His fingers seemed to move on their own as he started to trace his lips, that beautiful smile that was there.

“What are you doing?”, Piers asked, but didn’t stop him.

“Sh, shut up, let me…”

He went back to staring at him intently, brushing over those lips again, gently rubbing over the bit of scar tissue there and then followed that over his cheek. Piers’ smile faltered for a moment, but Leon pressed a kiss to his fingers and then gently tapped it onto his cheek, making him snicker at the gesture. Then he remained still as Leon’s fingers curiously traced every line of his face. The cute nose, the strong jaw, everything about him was just so lovely. He could get lost in that face, and those eyes that were watching him with so much affection in them.

“You’re really beautiful, Piers”, Leon whispered and before he could reply gently cupped the scared side of his face. “I mean that. I really do. This doesn’t matter. You’re still beautiful.”

Piers gave him a smile that still showed a little sadness behind it, but leaned in for a lingering, chaste kiss. He seemed to look for words for a while, his hand now coming up to brush over Leon’s chin, his lips as well.

“You’re a dork”, he eventually said. “But uhm… thank you.”

“I hope Chris tells you that as well…”, he trailed off, his thoughts now lingering on their boyfriend. Did they… cheat? They had promised to talk about sex before it happened but they’d been so caught up in the moment neither had even thought about it.

“He does. We.. we did talk a while back. I think it was Sasha who prompted it”, Piers said with a wry smile.

“Was something wrong?”, Leon asked, frowning. He was too oblivious, really, and he wondered why they put up with him sometimes.

“He’d been… distant for a while”, Piers said, his gaze fixed on a point somewhere on Leon’s chest. “For a while I thought maybe he wanted to break it off with me, maybe he just wanted to be with you instead, you’re so gorgeous and you have so much history-”

“Piers”, Leon said but he shook his head.

“No it’s all right. He told me that he was just… worried he would be taking advantage of me if he pushed too much, demanded too much. I mean- You know I’m still in therapy, right?”

“I do”, Leon replied, waiting patiently for Piers to answer. This was intimate in a way that was quite different from last night.

“It’s… it’s really difficult. I don’t feel like I’m getting better, it’s- I had this episode, when I was on a date with Sasha.” His words came haltingly, and his voice seemed to get weaker by the minute. Leon reached out to take his hand and gently squeeze it. “It was raining and suddenly I thought… I thought I was back down there, drowning. Just drowning over and over again. The next thing I knew Sasha had brought me here somehow. I finally told Chris too and that… that my therapist is thinking of putting me on medication after all.”

“But it might have side effects”, Leon interjected, inching closer.

“But it also might help.” Piers looked up at him again now, and suddenly he looked like a scared little boy. “I just don’t know what else to do.”

“Oh Piers…” Leon pulled him close, enveloped him in a hug, practically clinging to him. “Sweet, sweet Piers, I’m here, we all are. We’ll be here for you whatever you decide.”

He nodded against his chest, clinging to him as well. Leon could feel his shaky breath against his skin, could even feel him shiver a bit and so he pulled up the covers to cover them both properly again. He simply didn’t know what else to do.

But when Piers pulled back again he had a small smile on his face, and shared another kiss with him.

“I think we kind of fucked up, Leon”, he said. “We didn’t talk to them…”

“I was thinking about that too”, he admitted. “But it was a spur of the moment thing I… would they really expect us to call them first? Do you think they’ll be mad?”

“I don’t know I… I really have no idea. We should have stopped maybe but now… now it’s too late.” Piers sighed, hiding his face behind his hands for a moment, taking a deep breath. “It’s done now, we have to talk to them, when Sasha is back.”

He agreed, of course he did. They had said from the beginning that this relationship could only work if they were all open to one another, would communicate clearly, something they were all not exactly good at.

What started as a cuddly, intimate morning turned into another round of love making. Slower this time, sweeter, but just as good. Leon had still been loose from the previous night and so it didn’t take long until Piers could push into him from behind, both of them on their sides. He couldn’t get enough of this, be it slow and gentle or hard and fast, and so it was difficult to stay away from Piers after that.

They would need to do so however, until Sasha returned and they could find time to confess what they’d done. However it didn’t turn out as easy as they had thought. Sasha still needed them, needed their support to just get through the day. He had brought a few things from his home here, and spent days just trying to find the right place for them in the apartment, only to store them all away again. Leon prayed to whoever would listen that no job would rip him away from his boyfriend.

Although no job came in, he and Piers still avoided the conversation with the others. And yet it was so difficult to stay away from each other, to pull apart when they snuck into an empty room to kiss, just for a little while. They were drawn to each other, perhaps because their boyfriends were a little occupied, or maybe it was just because Piers was such an amazing kisser. Either way it took them weeks to finally get both Chris and Sasha into the living room, to sit them down for their confession.

“Did something happen?”, Sasha asked, wearing one of Chris’ sweaters which was way too big on him, but it was something they all found comfort in.

"Uhm... kind of", Piers stammered, tugging on the sleeves of his hoodie and hiding his hands. Leon put a hand on his shoulder, implying he'll take the lead on this one.

"We're very sorry we didn't talk to you about this sooner it... there just never seemed to be the right time." He took a deep breath, looking at Chris and Sasha's anxious faces and decided to just get it over with. "When you were both gone, Piers came over. It... It sounds stupid but one thing led to another and we... we slept together. As in uhm... sex. If that wasn't clear."

He blushed deeply as his voice got more quiet as he kept talking, but it was clear they had understood him. Chris pressed his lips together into a thing line, and otherwise looked completely neutral. Sasha on the other hand, just shrugged.

"You took comfort in each other, it was bound to happen", Sasha said, giving them a smile.

"Piers comforted me if you know what I mean", Leon said, immediately regretting it and blushing harder. He just suddenly got so nervous and then idiotic words like that came tumbling out of his mouth.

At those words however Chris' demeanor changed, and suddenly he looked angry. His hands balled into fists and he looked to his side.

"I'm sorry we didn't talk to you before!", Piers quickly said and rushed to his side. "Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad", Chris almost yelled, and immediately stood, making Piers flinched. "I just... shit. I- Just don't!"

He rushed past them all, grabbing his jacket on the way and practically ran out of the apartment. Leon was sure he'd have also slammed the door if that were possible with the sliding door they had here. They all just gaped at this very not Chris-like display of action, stunned into silence for a few moment. It was Piers then who seemed to suddenly have a thought and stood as well.

"I'm going after him", he said, and took off as well.

"Are you... please tell me if you're mad", Leon said, sitting by Sasha's side after he had closed the door behind the other two.

"I'm really not", he assured him. "I don't know what has gotten into Chris."

They waited for hours for either of them to call, or to give any sign of life. Both of them eventually started to pace the apartment, holding hands ever now and then simply too worried to do anything else. It was very late when Chris came back, looking extremely guilty.

"I'm sorry", he said, his head bowed.

"It's okay", Leon said, gently resting one hand on a strong arm. "Let's just talk. Where's Piers?"

"I thought he was still here", Chris looked up now, scanning the apartment.

"No he went after you", Sasha said, rushing for his phone to call him. Minutes passed. "There's no answer."

He flinched after he'd hung up and his phone started to buzz in his hand. A flick over the screen, and Sasha's face went pale, just before he dropped the phone to the floor. The screen cracked at the impact. Sasha gasped, and pressed a hand to his mouth.

"What is it?" Leon suddenly felt a sense of dread in his stomach, one he'd only ever felt when he'd been out on a mission.

With shaking hands he reached for the phone. The screen was cracked but it was still usable and the picture that had been sent to Sasha's phone was too clear despite the spidery lines running through the screen. It showed Piers, unconscious and bound, in what looked like a van perhaps. There was a gag in his mouth, and on his head an all too familiar red beret.

"No. No it can't be. He's dead."


	5. Piers & Krauser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Piers had been taken by someone he didn't know, for a reason he didn't understand. But surely someone would come for him... right?

Piers groaned, trying to move, but something was holding him back. What had happened? Leon and him had confessed to the others, and Chris had gotten mad for some reason but instead of talking to them just ran out. He hadn't been able to help but run after him, the love of his life. He wanted this to work so badly, he'd do anything for him. 

For a second when he had exited the building he thought he had lost him, but he was just at the corner of the street. He called out but Chris didn't hear, so he started to run. But before he could really pick up any speed something had hit the back of his head and his vision had gone black. It still was, and now his head hurt like crazy. As he tried to move again he realized his hands were bound behind his back, as were his knees and ankles. There was no way he would get up. What the fuck had happened? 

He only noticed the rumbling when it was gone, he'd been moving but stopped, and now light from behind blinded him. He was lying down, a door had been opened, he thought, but he couldn't tell who or what pulled him out. As he tried to move again he just couldn't. Something was very wrong, even aside from the fact that he was tied up. He didn't feel right, numb, woozy. Just wrong. 

"Come here, pretty thing." 

Piers didn't recognize the voice, and when his eyes adjusted to the light it was already gone again. He could see a dimly lit warehouse now, shelves lined with cardboard boxes, unlabelled, they could contain anything. What concerned him more was the unknown hand on his ass, the rough way he was handled and practically thrown onto an uncomfortable chair. A light was shining above him, but everything beyond the single light bulb was drenched in darkness. He sensed movement behind him, his bindings pulled tighter. When he haphazardly pulled on them they didn't give way. 

A figure walked around him, someone he didn't know. He was big, almost as big as Chris, with blonde hair and a red beret. He was wearing a khaki shirt but Piers could see multiple scars on his face, as well as some creeping down his neck, further down. Scars that looked just like his. Piers' gaze went lower, to the man's left hand, and it looked like his as well. Scars that were the result of the virus. He froze, forgetting how to breathe. 

"Piers, isn't it?", the man said, grinning down at him. He looked... hungry. Piers didn't like that look, it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He was already a kidnapper, there was no telling what else that man was capable of. 

"Who the... the fuck are you?", he slurred, hands balling into fists but there was no way to get out of these bindings. Usually he was strong, but it was like that strength had been drained from him. Some kind of drug, he was sure of it. 

"What, Leon didn't tell you about me?" The man knelt in front of him, and Piers instinctively leaned back as far as he could. His body was so damn heavy, every movement took all of his strength. "Didn't tell you how he begged for my cock, the little slut?"

Piers wasn't sure what kind of reaction the man wanted from him, the one he got was anger. With the drugs in his system Piers couldn't properly express it though, so he spit. The man dodged out of the way, one sharp movement of his head, with alarming speed. If he was changed by the virus like he had, he'd make a difficult enemy. 

"Rude", he mumbled and stood again, leaning forward, too close to Piers' face. He grabbed his chin so he couldn't look away. "The name's Jack Krauser. You'll remember it, we'll be spending a lot of time together, pretty." 

He snorted at that. His boyfriends would find him, he had not doubt about it. 

At least in the beginning. 

He was so damn sure of it. He'd just need to hold out for a few hours, maybe the drugs would wear off and he'd be fine when his boyfriends came and rescued him. All of them were so strong and capable, even Sasha who had started to work out again to make sure he'd never consider himself weak again. Not that he ever was, use of his legs or not there was a strength inside him that no one else possessed, but Piers knew it was something he needed to do to feel better about himself. 

So when days, or what he thought were days, had passed and no one had shown up, Piers' resolve started to falter. Krauser had started to install an IV, feeding whatever drug it was that kept him weak right into his system. Just enough so he wouldn't be knocked out, but would also not be able to do more than turn his head. He started to go numb after a while, his vision blurry from time to time. Everything was only focused on Krauser, as the only light in the room illuminated just him. Nothing else existed anymore, and it scared him. 

What this man started to tell him scared him just as much. As did the fact that Leon had never mentioned any of it. At first Piers had refused to believe what he told him, but he knew things about Leon, certain scars, certain habits that only someone who'd slept with him would know. 

"We first met in Spain, working together...", Krauser told him. "Such a pretty little thing he was, not like now. He filled out a bit, but you know. I like 'em like that: Small, weak, vulnerable."

"What makes you think I want to listen to your bullshit story?", Piers rolled his eyes, feigning disinterest. He did want to know what this asshole had done to Leon, so he could hit him the harder for it. Already he wanted to tear him apart. He knew that he could, if only he could move his damn body, he'd go for his throat, incapacitate him and-

"Don't even think about it, pretty." Krauser leaned forward, grabbing a shock of his hair and pulling his head back. "There's no way you can get out of this. Trust me, I know how to tie someone up. You will listen to me, because you have no other choice. You will learn who that little slut truly is. And you will learn that you and I are not so different." 

"I... I'm nothing like you", Piers spat out, ignoring the twang in his chest. He wanted to believe it, he truly did. But already there was that bit of doubt in him. They were both changed by the virus, both had those scars, were marked. What if this monster... what if Piers had the same capability to be a monster just like him? That worry had been with him since the day he'd woken up again, and sometimes he still wished he had died down in that facility. Just so he could keep everyone around him safe, to make sure that the people he loved wouldn't be hurt by him. 

Krauser laughed at his half hearted attempt to sound convincing. 

"Oh you'll see. You'll see soon enough. They won't come. It's just you and me. We'll have fun. I promise." 

This man almost scared Piers more than the virus inside him, the possibility of changing into a monster at any time. There were no traces of humanity left inside those eyes, only cruelty, and that hunger. It wasn't lust, lust was something Piers knew and enjoyed, this was a sickening hunger. Krauser would take what he wanted, when he wanted it, and Piers prayed to whatever deity would listen that it wasn't him. 

"Where was I?", Krauser scratched his chin as he stood again, walking around Piers in a circle. "Ah yes, young Leon. What a sight he was, straight out of bootcamp. Or whatever it was they sent him to. It was his first real mission. You should have seen him, all eager to have everything go right, willing to sacrifice himself for that girl we rescued. Or tried to, she died in the end anyway. I could tell you how fascinating it was to see the virus at work, that I wanted it from the minute I saw it, but that's not the point I'm trying to make." 

He put both his hands on Piers' forearms, leaned closer again so he had to lean back as much as he could. Again, Krauser moved with him and it made his skin crawl. He just wanted this to be over, wanted to be away from this man. Why wasn't anyone busting through this door yet?

"It was so clear right from the start that he was a virgin. Totally inexperienced and so damn eager to please", Krauser continued quietly. There was something in his voice that made Piers want to shout. He enjoyed this, enjoyed taking someone's innocence. "Wasn't hard to get him willing. A few compliments, few glasses of whiskey and I had him hooked. You should have heard how he begged for my cock, oh he wanted it bad. So I gave him what he wanted, the little cockslut. Gave it to him all night until he cried and begged-"

"Stop!", Piers shouted, trying to slam his own head into his, but he was too slow and the man too damn fast. "You fucking liar, what did you really do to him?" 

Krauser's grin widened as he straightened himself, brushing over his shirt to clear out any creases. He took his time, the bastard, smiling all the while. 

"You know what I did. I fucked him, just like you." 

"No! I didn't fucking rape him you bastard." Piers fought hard against the numbness, tried his best to again strain against his bindings but nothing happened. 

"Tch, such a nasty word", Krauser's voice was absolutely calm. "I just gave him what he wanted, not my fault he didn't know himself what that was. Tell me, you enjoyed that tight ass of his didn't you? And enjoyed the way he begged for you to keep going? No shame in admitting that." 

"Fuck you! It wasn't... It wasn't like that!"

He hated that grin, he hated it with a fiery passion that almost dispelled the numbness in his limbs. If only he could get rid of this stupid drug! He knew, he was so sure of it that it had been consensual. They had both wanted it, Piers had made sure... hadn't he? Leon had liked it, he had made him feel good. He had to focus on that, had to ignore those words tugging at his heart. 

"I'm not like you, I'm not like you", he mumbled as Krauser vanished into the darkness. 

Piers didn't know for how long he was left alone, only with his thoughts. Leon had pulled him on top of him, he had initiated everything, hadn't he? Piers couldn't think properly anymore and started to wonder. Had he forced him in any way, had he only acted on his instincts, the instincts of the virus? What if Leon had never wanted it? What if he was really as disgusting as the monster that had kidnapped him? 

His thoughts spiralled out of control, and it certainly didn't help that when Krauser came back, his toxic voice invaded his mind further. They were the same, he said, similar in so many regards. Strong, powerful, they were survivors. Even Krauser had seemingly been killed, but the virus inside him had let him survive what Leon and Ada had thrown at him. And since then he'd been biding his time, waiting for revenge. 

"Seeing you four together, it was perfect", Krauser said with that ever present grin. "I can only imagine what happens in that apartment. All of you fucking him at the same time, I bet he can take you and that pretty Russian fellow at the same time. A real fuck fest." 

"It's not like that...", Piers said despite himself knowing he shouldn't engage with this man. He should hold on to what he knew, or thought that he knew. He thought he loved them, he thought it was consensual and happy, despite their struggles. But he wasn't sure anymore, everything suddenly seemed to crumble. 

"What was that? You don't fuck his brains out? You mean to tell me you love him? Pathetic..." And then, for the first time, he struck him. The fist hit his cheek, and his head lolled to the side. The pain was numbed too at least, but he knew that a hit like that would make him bleed. "You think he could love a freak like you? That any of them could love you? You're a ticking time bomb, you'll kill them all in your sleep one day. That's what we are, Piers. Accept it and you'll live a much happier life. Revel in the destruction and the chaos, it's the natural order of things, it's what we were meant for." 

"No... no..." His vision went fuzzy, and only when tears fell down his cheeks he realized that he was crying. He was trying so damn hard to fight this, to fight these thoughts, it wasn't fair. 

"How long have you been in love with Chris?"

"Wh-what?" Piers' head snapped up, that question just came out of nowhere. Krauser was blurry through his own tears. 

"How long, tell me." He grasped his hair again, to pull his head back. 

"I... I don't know, years!"

"And when did he accept you? After you got hurt because of him", he paused, his smile widening as the gears in Piers' head turned. "He doesn't love you, pretty. He feels guilty. And this was the only way he could make it up to you. By giving you what you had wanted for all those long years. It's all fake, and you don't even see it."

"No", he whimpered, his voice almost giving out. "It's not... He..."

He couldn't bring out the words. Chris had told him, many times that he loved him. But those were just words, weren't they? And it had been Chris who walked out on him, who he'd run after and gotten himself kidnapped. 

Krauser laughed. That horrible, deep throated laugh that made his skin crawl. He could feel himself giving up, giving in to the hopelessness. No one had come for him, maybe Krauser was right. They didn't care, not enough to help him. 

"Oh these weeks with you have been delicious", Krauser whispered into his ear. "I knew I would break you."

Weeks? Piers wasn't even surprised, in here there was no time. In here there was only Krauser. He didn't struggle when he lifted his chin, parted his lips to invite him. The kiss was rough and violent, this wasn't about affection, it was about ownership. Whatever Krauser wanted, he took. His greedy hands tugged on his shirt, the buttons of it flying off. The one hand was rough, covered in scars just like his own but unlike Piers he wasn't holding back with it. He turned aside, closing his eyes as he let this happen. Not that he could fight it. 

A bright light suddenly filled his awareness, but as he opened his eyes he was blind. After so long in this warehouse he wasn't used to the natural light that filtered in from the door. The open door. Oh he knew the silhouette so well, even if he couldn't properly see just yet. He was crying again, whether it was because of the light in his weak eyes, or the presence of Chris, Leon and Sasha, he wasn't sure. All of it came crumbling down as he watched Krauser take a step back. 

Slowly his eyes were getting used to the light, and even through his tears he could see that Krauser was taken aback. He didn't expect them to ever find them. But they did. They really did, just when he was giving up. All three looked at him with worry and horror. After weeks, Piers was sure he looked terrible, but he couldn't care less at the moment. They were here. Nothing that happened in the last few weeks mattered. They were here. 

Leon turned to Krauser, his expression turning into one of absolute anger, of fury. His gun was raised, aiming at Krauser's head. 

"I'll make sure you stay down this time", he said, his voice shaking. Not with fear, but with anger. Sasha and Chris mirrored his stance, and Piers was sure that between the three of them there was nothing that could stop them. 

Sasha glanced over at him, ignoring the way Krauser laughed again. Could he see the filth on him, could he see Krauser's touch or the words he spoke that still festered inside him? For a second he had thought it didn't matter, but the way Sasha looked at him made him feel guilty and disgusting. He'd let himself be influenced and corrupted. 

"It'll be okay", Sasha whispered, so only he could hear. 

Before he could say anything, Krauser interrupted them. 

"And here I thought you'd never show up. Guess the pretty little thing wasn't as important to you as I thought he would be, Leon."

A silence settled between them for a while, as Leon's grip on his gun tightened. Piers' heart skipped a beat watching this scene. Maybe he just wasn't. 

"I love him", Leon simply said, and pulled the trigger. 

Krauser, however, was fast. Impossibly fast. The first bullet completely missed him, as the other two opened fire as well. But it quickly became clear that even a stray bullet wouldn't hurt him too much. Krauser was right up to Leon in a manner of seconds, disarming him and doing the same with the others. Piers was instantly worried about Sasha, who wasn't trained like they were. He didn't want them to get hurt, wanted to join in the fight even though he knew he would be useless in this state. He pulled against his bindings as he watched the four of them exchange blows, watched Chris double over in pain as Krauser hit him in the stomach. But they had the advantage of numbers and Leon was immediately in his space to punch his ribs. Even from this far away Piers could hear one of them crack as Sasha followed. 

His movements weren't as refined, or as trained as the two others' but they were powerful. He wasn't as fast but he was resourceful instead, keeping his distance when he was able to, and closing in whenever there was an opening. Piers had a hard time following their movements, almost all of them had some kind of altered speed, all but Chris who had however been trained by the BSAA. It was a tough fight, Krauser could still hold his own against three opponents, and Piers winced when he managed to dislocate Chris' shoulder, sliced open Leon's belly with a knife from his belt, and Sasha's nose was now bleeding from a punch straight to it. 

There was one moment, one split second in which Leon made an opening, let himself fall to kick at Krauser's ankles to make him fall. Sasha took that opportunity to straddle him, and started hitting his face. Except he didn't stop. At first Krauser still struggled, tried to get him off but he was relentless, wouldn't move one inch, ignored when Krauser laughed. He was bleeding, all over, his face starting to bend inwards and finally the laughing stopped. Leon tugged on Sasha's shoulder but was pushed back, still he was hitting him. His face was a mask of pure rage, Sasha was fury incarnated, all of it... for Piers. 

In the end there was nothing left of Krauser's head, only a bloody pulp. 

Piers stared open mouthed as Sasha finally stopped, only after his fists had hit the concrete floor below him. He was panting, covered in blood. It was all over his chest, his face, his hands and arms. Slowly, he turned to Piers. It seemed to be dawning on him what he had done, his lips slightly parted as he looked down on his hands, his body, sprinkled red. Leon knelt by his side, slowly pulled him up. Sasha seemed to be in a daze. 

Chris was now kneeling in front of Piers, scrambling to undo his bindings. It almost hurt more than being bound had as the blood rushed back into his hands. Piers refused to look at them as Chris gently rubbed over them and he slouched forward, needing to be caught. 

"Piers," he said, cupping his cheeks and looking at him, inspecting him. "Are you hurt?"

"Dunno," Piers said honestly, he had no idea what Krauser might have done to him. Some parts of the last few weeks were sketchy, he might have passed out during some of it. "Drugged me, I think." 

He winced when Chris pulled out the IV from his neck, the pain sharp through his entire body. He wouldn't have been able to pull it out himself, not even with his hands free. Every movement felt clumsy. Chris was about to pull him up, to carry him out when Piers told him to stop. 

"We have to get out of here, we have to make sure this guy never gets up again," Chris said, turning to Leon who nodded and, still holding on to Sasha, took out his phone, presumably to call the DSO or the BSAA to help them out. They needed a biohazard unit to incinerate this fucker. 

"Not before you tell my why you ran." 

He could see the guilt clear as day on Chris' face. He blamed himself for what happened, and Piers right now wasn't sure whether he did the same thing or not. He did run after Chris when Krauser took him, although he felt guilty too, for what he did with Leon. His mind was still fuzzy from whatever that man had pumped into his system, and his thoughts ran in circles. He needed to know though, why Chris had run out. He needed to. 

"Please, Piers, this isn't-"

"Tell me!," he interrupted. "Chris just tell me, tell my why all of this happened why he-" 

He stopped himself before he went any further, he couldn't talk about what had happened, not just yet. He was tired, so tired it was about to overwhelm him. It took all his strength to keep his eyelids open. 

"I... I..." Chris looked back at the other two, who had moved a little closer but still kept their respectful distance. Leon tried to wipe some off the blood off Sasha, which was only slightly helpful with the very tiny tissue he had pulled from his pants pocket. After a moment Chris faced him again. "What you did... did for Leon I... I wanted you to do that for me." 

Piers was speechless for a moment. All of this... all of this hurt and drama because Chris was jealous that he'd topped Leon, and not him? He had always seemed so strong, so happy to take care of Piers in every way possible, be it in every day life or in bed, but this... This... was hilarious. He started to giggle, and he couldn't stop, his entire body shaking, just before his vision went black and he slumped against something familiar and comfortable. 

When he woke up time and space had lost all meaning to him. He couldn't really feel what he was on, it felt more like floating in an endless gooey ocean. He kept breathing evenly for a while, trying to make sense of the feeling that returned to his limbs. There were his hands, his wrists sore, his back hurting from being in the same position for so long. His head was pounding, most likely after effects from whatever drug Krauser had used to keep him docile, perhaps even to mess with his head. Why hadn't that thought occurred to him before? He should have fought harder. 

Slowly he blinked open his eyes, saw white sheets, realized they smelled like the fabric softener they always used at home. Home. That's where he was. And on the bed next to him was Chris, sitting there, looking down at him. The guilt was clear on his face, he reached out to brush through his hair but halfway through the motion he pulled back. Piers didn't move, he wasn't sure that he could at this point. 

"You're an idiot," he croaked, then cleared his throat. 

"I know," Chris said, keeping his gaze. "I'm sorry Piers, this is all my fault and... because of this..."

"I get it," Piers said quietly, coughing before he was able to continue. Chris helped him sit up and he winced when the headache felt like a nail inside his forehead, but drinking water felt good. Nevertheless he snuggled back under the blanket, Chris joining him there on his side. "You're a big guy, that's what everyone expected from you, isn't it? To take charge, be on top. It's the same with me. Everyone expected me to be the one to take it." 

"Piers, did anyone...?"

"No. I'm a trained soldier, Chris, I kicked their asses if they tried anything." He sighed, frowning at his boyfriend. "I'm just saying... I get it. I just... I guess I am disappointed that you didn't feel like you could tell me." 

Chris squeezed his eyes shut, wincing as if he were in pain. A few deep breaths to steady his breathing, and he looked at Piers again, taking a deep breath. 

"I am so, so sorry, Piers. You were... you were tortured, for days by this asshole, all because of me being an idiot. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Days?," he asked, frowning. He deliberately ignored his apology, not sure whether he could accept it quite yet. 

"Yeah..." 

"But he said I was there for weeks..." 

Chris shook his head a little awkwardly lying on his side. 

"We looked for you immediately, contacted Hunnigan, she helped us track security cameras. It did take a few days but you were not in there for weeks," Chris explained, reached into his pocket to pull out his phone and show it to Piers. The date made it clear: Four days had passed. Krauser had lied. For some reason that surprised Piers. 

And it made him worry. He didn't even make it four days. He gave in, he let that man touch him, kiss him. If they hadn't come, more would have happened, Piers knew. He was ready to give up and give himself to that man, convinced that he was a freak, that he was wrong and that his boyfriends didn't really love him. It hit him how truly weak he was, how little confidence he had. Didn't he used to be different, sure of himself, of his abilities? Ever since that day, when the ocean came crushing down on him, he just hadn't been able to recover. Nightmares still haunted him, self doubt crippled him. Despite all his work, nothing had gotten better. He had no idea what to do. 

"Piers?" 

"Chris I don't-," he stopped himself for a moment. "Please just tell me what happened. Every day I need to... need to sort things out in my head. I'm so... I'm still so confused." 

He focused on Chris' voice as he recounted the past days' events. If he focused he wouldn't start shaking, wouldn't start breaking apart. He couldn't do that in front of Chris right now, he needed more time to recover, to regain some of his energy. According to Chris they had worked tirelessly to find him, had contacted everyone to help. Sherry had been able to pull some strings to get some not strictly legal help to find him. Everyone knew, Piers realized, and it made him want to crawl under this blanket and never come out. Claire knew, of course she did, and by his relationship with Sherry, Jake did as well. They all knew that he had been taken, and soon enough they'd all know how weak he was, that he couldn't even hold out for four days. Somehow they would know what he did to Piers, that he touched him and that he had dug his claws into his mind. 

"What- what happened to... him?," Piers asked after a long moment of silence. 

"He's dead. Leon he... Well he had history with that man and after this, when he took you he kind of snapped. Like Sasha did. Burned him," Chris explained, a frown on his forehead. He was worried about the two of them. 

"What kind of history?," Piers asked. Did Krauser do to Leon what he had done to him? Was any of what Krauser had said about the two of them true? If it was, burning him was too kind of an end.

"I-," Chris started, but he was interrupted when the door to the bedroom opened. 

Leon and Sasha were standing in the doorway, asking whether they could come inside. Piers sighed and nodded, moving a bit closer to the edge of the bed so there was more room for them. Chris sat up again, to let the other two join. He pulled up the blanket further, so it was covering his head, though his face wasn't covered. He wanted to build a fort and never come out again. 

"Do you really want to know?," Leon asked. 

"I... yes. If you want to talk about it," Piers whispered. Chris turned to look at him, took Leon's hand to squeeze it. 

"You sure?"

"Yeah. It's fine. He's gone now. For good." Leon took in a shaky breath, his free hand coming up to touch the very faint scar on his cheek. He didn't seem to be able to look into Piers' eyes, instead focused on the hand that was covering his own. "When we worked together... after. He uhm, we went to a hotel room, were about to have sex I- I changed my mind but he didn't stop. He... he raped me." 

"What?," Sasha asked, his eyes full of anger, of fury. He looked like he wanted to punch that man's skull in all over again. Piers understood the sentiment too well. 

He sat up, winced at the pain in his head again, and inched closer to Leon, pulling him into a hug. Leon was shaking, his breath uneven against Piers' neck and he clung to the back of his shirt. Which was really Chris' shirt, he now noticed. Not that it mattered.

"I am so sorry, Leon," Piers whispered, kissing his temple. "I'm sorry."

"I am," Leon said. "I am sorry. He took you to get to me. That was the only reason. He wanted revenge for me hurting him. I'm sorry, Piers, I'm sorry." 

"It doesn't matter why," he replied, pulling back a little to cup Leon's cheek. He glanced over at Chris too, nodded at him. "It doesn't matter anymore. I'm tired. I'm so tired." 

Just sitting up had drained him again. He couldn't even properly comfort Leon who still looked like he was about to cry. Piers felt like he should be doing that too, after everything that had happened. Maybe he was still in shock, maybe Krauser's words had cut deeper than he thought possible. He let himself fall back onto the pillow, and Sasha tucked him in. 

"Do you want us to stay?," he asked. 

"No. Take care of Leon," he mumbled, his eyelids drooping already. "Make sure he's okay."


	6. Sasha & Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of the kidnapping, the boys have a lot to talk about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The update has taken less than four months so... success? :D Thanks everyone who is sticking with this!

"Are you okay?" Sasha kept his voice low as he'd just closed the door to the bedroom behind them. Chris was staying with Piers on Leon's insistence, who for now was fast asleep.

 

Leon was still pacing back and forth through Chris and Piers' apartment, there was tension between them. They'd both had done terrible things that night, things that neither had been expecting. Sasha was still shocked at himself, at the anger that had risen inside him when he'd seen Piers tied to that chair, this horrible, maddening grin on Krauser's face. He hadn't been able to do too much damage against him, but when he'd found his opportunity he'd taken it, and he hadn't stopped until that man's face was just a pile of gore on the ground.

 

The worst part of it had been.... He could still feel Krauser move underneath him. Despite missing his head, somehow, that man was still alive. Or some mockery of it. If he had still been able to, he knew Krauser would have laughed at him. The thought sent chills down his spine. After the rebellion, after leaving his country he thought he was done with these kinds of horrors. He thought he would finally be able to live a peaceful life, but it seemed that his boyfriends' jobs, their pasts, wouldn't let that become a reality. Not for now at least. Was it worth it? Sasha shook his head at the thought, he couldn't give up.

 

He thought back to the hours before instead. How, once they had gotten Piers to safety, once Chris had finally admitted why he'd gone out this abruptly, Leon hadn't waited for any backup to show up. Sasha was sure that he'd seen the movement of Krauser's body, but he ignored it, instead rushed around the warehouse until he found what he'd been looking for: gasoline. He covered Krauser's body in it, dumped the whole canister where that disgusting man lied, and set him on fire. Sasha didn't dare take his hand, his own was still covered in blood and something about Leon... the way he stared at the flames, the sheer anger, the fury on his face - it almost scared him. It seemed that for the first time he realised just what Leon was capable of. Hearing the stories, seeing him back in his home country - it didn't compare.

 

Now, however, Leon looked exhausted. Back to his old self, almost.

 

"No," he finally said, stopping to put his hand on the counter, leaning forward and taking a deep breath. "But it doesn't matter."

 

"How on earth would it not matter?," Sasha asked, getting up from the couch and walking closer to his boyfriend. He didn't quite dare reach out to him yet, he'd only taken a quick shower after they'd gotten here. He was now wearing one of Chris' shirts that was way too big for him. His own had been covered in blood, and his pants still showed traces of it. He really needed to get home and change.

 

Leon took a deep breath - it was shaky - and he shook his head, refusing to look at him for a moment. When he did, Sasha could feel his heart breaking. There was still anger there, but so much guilt too. He looked fragile, so different from what he had been like before. This was more the Leon that he knew though.

 

"Because it's all my fault," he whispered, but his voice rose as he kept talking. "It doesn't matter what he did to me I... I dealt with it. I think. The point.. the point is that I didn't make sure he was dead! Everything he did to Piers, he did to get to me. He hurt him to get revenge! I should... I should just go."

 

"No!" Sasha closed the distance between them to grab Leon's wrist, suddenly angry. "Don't you dare do this to him. To us. Don't you dare walk away because you think it's safe, that you protect us. You did it to me and it fucking hurt. It's not just your decision, Leon!"

 

He could still remember all too well what it was like when Leon pushed him away, when he sent him home without a proper explanation. It hurt and he didn't know why. All because Leon thought he was protecting him. If he was really honest with himself, he had only forgiven him because he'd been so in love. Part of him still believed he had been weak for it. After, he thought things had changed, now... he wasn't so sure.

 

"What do you expect me to do then?" Leon pulled away from him, his voice loud now. Again, he started to pace. "He was already a mess before this, he wasn't getting better. You were the one who told me about the thing in the café, how he freaked out. What do you think this shitshow did to him? It ruined whatever part of his recovery went well, all because of me!"

 

He pointed at himself, yelling the last word. He was hurting, angry at himself, at Krauser.

 

"What do you expect me to do?," he asked again, desperation in his voice as it failed him.

 

"Step up! Help him, help us," Sasha yelled back, but Leon turned, walking towards the door. "Don't you dare run, Leon. Don't you fucking dare, not again, not after what caused this in the first place!"

 

Leon froze in place then, his hand just reaching out to take his jacket. But he slowly relaxed again, pushing himself away from the door. He shook his head when Sasha took a step towards him, walked to the bedroom door but remembered who was in there, instead sat down on the couch, pulling up his knees to hug them.

 

Silence.

 

At least he wasn't leaving.

 

Leon would need time, they all would. And they would need to figure out what to do with Piers. What course of action would help him. Sasha didn't think that he was weak, he still thought that he could work hard, that he could get better, but he would need their help.

 

It was easier to run, of course, and a part of Sasha was angry that Leon had actually considered it. But none of them were themselves right now, perhaps once Leon had thought about it he would change his mind. At least he hoped so. He hoped that after all this time Leon had changed, that he would stick to this relationship, instead of throwing it all away because it got difficult. Of course, this relationship faced hardships that others never had to, but neither of them was normal, they all had their baggage. Sasha had hoped that they could be a support for each other.

 

At least he wasn't leaving... yet.

 

Sasha sighed, and he sat down on the other end of the couch. They didn't look at each other, so he was left with looking around, and inspecting his hands. Now that he had calmed down, that the adrenaline was out of his system, after talking to the DSO, after taking a shower and now sitting down, exhaustion took him. And pain.

 

He winced when he looked at his own hands, at the knuckles that were split open from where he had hit the concrete floor of the warehouse. And he also knew that his nose wasn't looking too good either. Though he'd hoped he had gotten most of the dry blood off of it. He was still bleeding from the wounds on his knuckles though, a soft trickle of blood running down his hands and arms, and only now did he notice that he had smeared it over Chris' shirt, and now the couch. He freaked out a little, where else had he gotten it? This wasn't even his place! His brain completely forgot about his hands and had the urge to go and clean up immediately, ignoring that he would just make it worse by bleeding everywhere again.

 

Sasha had almost gotten up when Leon grabbed his wrist and pulled him down again.

 

"Sit," he said with an authority in his voice Sasha had only heard in the field.

 

Leon inspected his hands, turned them this way and that, and finally set them down so they were resting on Sasha's thighs.

 

"Wait here."

 

He watched as Leon got up and slipped into the bathroom, coming back with a little first aid kit. Well, not so little. Just like at their own place, Piers and Chris were prepared for most injuries that could be taken care of at home instead of at the hospital. Jobs like theirs, at the BSAA or DSO, tended to come with the regular injury here or there. And sometimes they'd need someone who loved them to patch them up. Sometimes they just needed comfort instead of the sterile and hectic atmosphere of a hospital. Sasha himself had gotten pretty good at it.

 

Leon set down the kit, went to the kitchen to fill a small bowl with water and returned to him. His touch was now very gentle as he took one of his hands and dabbed its knuckles with a wet towel.

 

"Does it hurt?," Leon asked quietly, but Sasha shook his head. It stung a little bit, especially when Leon cleaned the wound with disinfectant, but his boyfriend's hand holding his made up for it.

 

He needed this, he realised. After this horrible night, after these horrible four days full of worry and tension he just needed this one gentle touch. He watched as Leon cleaned up both his hands, and finished with wrapping a bit of gauze around them, so he wouldn't bleed everywhere again.

 

"Thank you," he whispered when Leon was done, but still holding his hands.

 

"You're right," Leon said, looking down at his hands. "I was just... I was fucking scared of losing him."

 

"I know..." Sasha reached out to brush the hair out of Leon's face, and cupped his cheek to make him look up. Tears were welling up in his eyes, both of them were damn tired now. "I'm sorry I yelled."

 

"No. It was good I- I keep fucking up. I need you to tell me when I do. I don't want to hurt you. Any of you."

 

"You are a pretty good boyfriend," Sasha said, giving him a small smile, and Leon returned it. "We had a long couple of days behind us. We are both tense. We should probably just go to sleep. Talk about this tomorrow."

 

"Yeah. That sounds good. We shouldn't disturb them though. I think they probably need to talk." Leon nodded into the direction of the bedroom and Sasha nodded.

 

"The couch then."

 

He settled back, and gestured for Leon to come closer, who grinned and snuggled up to him. His head resting on his chest, Sasha wrapped his arms around him, one hand coming to play with his hair. Leon hummed appreciatively and Sasha couldn't help but smile. Things would look better tomorrow. They would figure out what to do with Piers, and hopefully... hopefully Leon would still be here.

 

Sasha was relieved to wake up and feel his boyfriend still on top of him. For a moment he looked peaceful, his breath coming evenly, no frown on his brow, no bad thoughts about what happened the night before. He had just as much to deal with as Piers, had just told all of them what had happened between him and Krauser. Surely burning that son of a bitch had been cathartic but... perhaps he should convince Leon to see someone to talk about this as well. It couldn't hurt.

 

Perhaps he should go as well... Every now and then his thoughts came back to his mother. Staying at her place by himself for a while had been good, he'd been able to say a proper goodbye, but the doubts he'd had before hadn't completely gone away. He still felt so guilty that he'd left her alone like this, but he hadn't had time to talk about this again with any of his friends. It had been chaos, and now with Piers...

 

He sighed, and the movement made Leon stir on top of him. He went back to playing with his boyfriend's hair, who hummed as he was slowly waking up.

 

"Nn... Sasha feel good...," he mumbled and he had to chuckle, shaking his boyfriend.

 

"Glad to hear."

 

"We should make breakfast," Leon said sleepily, yawning but not getting up.

 

"Breakfast, hm?"

 

"Yeah.... Order pizza. Make pancakes and uhm... waffles, also tacos from the place around the corner, and erm... bagels with salmon or do you think he doesn't like those-"

 

"That is not breakfast, Leon," Sasha interrupted him, a small smile curling on his face.

 

"But... He'll be starving, he didn't get anything for days," Leon said quietly, and Sasha froze. He was right.

 

"You're sweet." He rubbed over Leon's back, and they stayed like that for a while longer before doing just what Leon had planned in his sleep-addled mind.

 

As they drove back and forth through the city, Sasha stopped by their place for a change of clothes, and another shower. He just couldn't get rid of the thought that Krauser was somehow still clinging to him, tainting him. All he wanted was to forget, to keep moving forward. From experience he knew that it wasn't this easy, that he was still plagued by things that had happened back during the rebellion, how many people he'd gotten killed... As he was thinking about this he figured that they all needed help. Their jobs - or former jobs - were hell on them. And this was not something they could just change by being together and hoping for the best. Now all he needed to do was get the others to understand this as well.

 

It was about an hour later when they returned with a feast of junk food. Bags, piles of it and Chris opened the door to the bedroom to greet them.

 

"Piers smelled the food," he said, grinning. "Bless you two, come..."

 

Piers already looked much better than he had the night before. He was sitting up in the middle of the bed, propped up by a mountain of pillows that Chris had most likely assembled for him. He smiled at them when he saw the bags of food, and gestured for them to come closer, patting the bed by his side.

 

"I love you!," he said happily as they unpacked the food and made a little picnic of horrible but amazing junk food.

 

Sasha grinned at Leon, who had a slight blush in his cheeks, and joined the three of them on the bed. He was hungry himself, they hadn't really had time to rest or eat while they'd been trying to find Piers. Thankfully they had gotten more than enough for everyone.

 

He looked... tired, but happy and a little bit relieved. The way he and Chris talked to one another, Sasha couldn't quite tell whether things were completely okay. Piers smiled at him, and kissed his cheek but there was an awkwardness between them too. Chris was holding back, Sasha knew how affectionate he usually was with his boyfriend. He felt guilty, just as guilty as Leon did. He hated that atmosphere between them.

 

"It was Krauser's fault," he blurted out when they were about halfway through their mountain of food.

 

All three stared at him, Piers still with a mouthful of taco, Leon with his fingers smeared with sauce, which he quickly and awkwardly went to clean. Chris rubbed the back of his neck, looking down. Sasha sighed. He hated this silence, hated how awkward these things could become. But they had to talk.

 

"Okay, out with it then."

 

"It wouldn't have-," both Chris and Leon started, then stared at each other before breaking out into a chuckle.

 

"Chris first," Sasha said, noticing that even Piers was smiling.

 

Chris let out a deep sigh, organised a few napkins and made sure that his half eaten hamburger wouldn't stain the sheets.

 

"Right, me first...," he said, looking down again. "Where do I even fucking start? Of course I feel guilty about this. I got jealous for no damn reason, I ran out like a damn idiot and because I have the best boyfriend who of course came after me, that man got the opportunity to take him. So yes, I think it's my fault."

 

"He wouldn't have come in the first place if I had made sure he was really dead," Leon said. "And besides we should have talked to you guys before... it happened I mean... the sex. Er I... well."

 

If the situation hadn't been this terrible Sasha might have found Leon's babbling endearing. As it was, he sighed, feeling a bit like he did when he had still been teaching a class of young children.

 

"Krauser would have found a way, whether you'd run out or not," Sasha said. "Yes, perhaps it was silly to leave but it was a snap reaction and I know you would have come back. And Leon... You really blame yourself for not making sure he was dead? You had a mission, you told me what it was like back then and you had to chose your priorities. You did nothing wrong. It was Krauser's fault. He was a horrible man, a monster-"

 

Piers flinched at that word, hugging himself and Sasha stopped to watch him for a moment. The same guilt that he saw on Chris and Leon was clear on Piers' face as well. Why would he feel guilty?

 

"Piers?"

 

"I'm fine," he whispered.

 

"Don't. Please don't lie anymore, none of this is going to work if we lie to each other," Sasha said. "I love you, please, please help me make this work, I can't do it all on my own. Please."

 

He felt exhausted suddenly, despite the good night's rest he'd gotten. This felt like pulling worms, it was such hard work just to get them to talk to each other and it was all on him somehow. Piers looked up at him with sadness in his eyes, worry.

 

"He told me we were alike," Piers said quietly. "That we're the same. And I... Maybe he was right. We're the same, same virus, same... scars. I... god, I'm weak. He got to me... just four days... I thought... thought it was weeks."

 

"You're not alike!," Leon blurted out.

 

"You don't know-," Piers started but Leon didn't let him continue.

 

"I do know! I, of all people, know best! Piers, that man was a monster, yes, but you are not. You didn't chose the virus like he did, you chose it to protect the man you love, not to gain power and to hurt people. You're fighting, you're fighting every damn day to get better. Please, please believe me. I know him, and I know you. You are not like him."

 

Piers stared at him for a long while, and eventually tears filled his eyes. He reached out, and Leon quickly moved closer to him to wrap his arm around his small form. Piers suddenly seemed so small and fragile. And when he did start to cry, it wasn't loud or violent, it was soft and quiet. Tears freely rolled down his cheeks, and his breath hitched here and there, but he was so quiet.

 

Leon started rubbing his back, shushing him a little bit, promising that he had been telling the truth, that he would be here for him, all of them would be. And they reassured him as well, but somehow Leon seemed to have it covered. He could be really good at this, without even knowing. It was only when he really tried that he started to babble and be clumsy. A small smile spread on Sasha's face as he started to clean up the food, so Chris and he as well could come cuddle as well.

 

They spent most of the day in bed together, Piers sort of shifting from one of them to the other. In the end, Sasha thought, they all did feel a bit better, although they had to promise that they wouldn't let their friends visit just yet. Piers wasn't ready, but he did insist going back to his therapist, a good sign, Sasha thought. They would try to put him on some medication, would just have to monitor him very, very carefully. But the risk was worth the chance that it could help Piers get better. For now, he would stay home from work as well. At least the BSAA had great benefits, and they did not have to worry about his job at least.

 

Piers fell asleep again once Sasha had started massaging his wrists. They still looked a bit mangled from having rough rope tied around them for so long, and Piers hummed gratefully when he started touching them ever so gently. He was still working on getting all the residual drugs out of his system, and was quickly back asleep.

 

Sasha sighed and tucked Piers in properly, before he turned to the other two.

 

"You need to help me out here," he said.

 

"With what?," Chris asked, looking a bit confused.

 

"I can't do this all on my own. You never... never talk, you understand?" He glanced at Leon as well, who rubbed the back of his neck. "All you do is bury what bothers you deep inside. You never told Piers what you wanted in bed, and now, even with something as important as this you two do not... do not talk. This doesn't work if we bury it all inside us. It is too hard, okay? I do not know why it's me who has to drag it all out of you, but it... it is too hard. I need you to help."

 

"You're right," Leon said quietly. "I've never really had relationships before. Only like... the one, and that didn't last long either. And this... it's kind of weird, but even with everything that's happened I love it. And I love you. I'll try harder, I promise."

 

He reached out to take Sasha's hand and squeezed it. He let out a sigh of relief, he didn't want this to end either, but he was tired of chasing after them to finally make them say what they really think.

 

"So will I, believe me," Chris added. "This... I'm never letting this happen, ever again. I thought I'd... if I'd lost him I..."

 

Chris couldn't even put it into words, and Sasha knew the feeling too well. He watched as Chris settled in beside Piers, then... he pulled out a book. As if this were just any other day. As if they hadn't had an important talk right now. Maybe that's what they needed, at least for a while.

 

"I'll stay here," he simply said, seeming determined. "I'll take care of him."

 

"Hey how about we take a walk together," Leon said to Sasha, then glanced at Chris. "If that's okay."

 

"You guys need it. Go ahead, take the day tomorrow."

 

Sasha glanced at Leon, at his lovely lips, his gentle eyes and that wonderful hair. It seemed ages since they'd been together, just the two of them. And to be with Leon, to just relax for a while - that seemed like heaven right now. They could talk, they could just be together and perhaps figure a few more things out. How to proceed with the two of them, with all of them, really. They would need this time and if he was completely honest with himself, Sasha also missed making love to him. It had been a while, which, considering the circumstances was no surprise but still a damn shame. Especially now that he could walk again.

 

"Thank you, Chris," Sasha said, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "If there is anything that you two need, do not hesitate to contact us, okay?"

 

"Sure thing. Now go have fun kids." Chris was smiling gently at them. "We'll talk more when you get back. I'll make sure Piers rests properly too."

 

A break. A break would be really good for them.

 

A break, and things would look better.

 


	7. Leon & Sasha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A relaxing day with his boyfriend turns into an exciting heist. But that's not the biggest surprise that day.

"Is it okay to just leave them?," Leon asked, glancing back up the red brick building to where Chris and Piers were safely in their apartment. A while ago he had fantasised about all four of them living together in an even bigger place, but after the chaos of the last few days he wasn't sure if they were ready. He wasn't sure about much at all at the moment.

 

"I think they need to find to each other again." Sasha pressed to his side, reaching to intertwine their fingers. He had gotten a lot braver with public display of affection, both of them had. "And I think maybe we do too. And that break... I really need it."

 

He sighed, resting his head briefly on Leon's shoulder. He liked his boyfriend's weight there, feeling him pressed so close. Sasha was right, he always was. He wanted to sleep, rest and eat, just like after a long mission. This job, and the past few days were draining, exhausting him to a point where all he wanted to do was curl up in a little ball in his bed and eat pizza all day. So he was grateful for Sasha taking the lead and getting them a time out. Chris and Piers needed the rest as well, whether they did it together or apart didn't matter.

 

Sasha turned away from the apartment building and tilted his head up, closing his eyes. Leon watched as he enjoyed the rays of the warm and gentle sun on his face, and was once more struck by how regal and beautiful he was. The stubble on his cheeks or the bags under his eyes didn't make it any less so. He couldn't help but reach out and cup his cheek, making him turn to him again. The kiss they shared was sweet and intimate, in the end resting their foreheads together, just feeling each other.

 

"Let's have a picnic," Sasha whispered, a smile curling on his lips.

 

"A picnic? We have like... no food at home."

 

During the past few days they had basically lived off of fast food, energy drinks and coffee. Real food, something home made sounded like heaven but Leon also wasn't sure he had the energy to prepare anything.

 

"You know there are stores for that, right?," Sasha asked, his smile turning into a big grin as he hooked his arm into Leon's and started tugging him along.

 

They spent their walk in a comfortable silence, only discussing what to buy when they went to the local bakery, getting sweet pastries, strawberries from a nearby market along with whipped cream from the can. Today evidently, they needed to fill their sweet tooth. So much for filling their bellies with real food. Sasha successfully argued however, that strawberries were full of vitamins and definitely counted as good food.

 

"Thank goodness I have such a smart boyfriend," Leon said, grinning widely as they came out of another store where they had gotten a cheap blanket. Now they were on their way to the nearest park, and since it was so early they seemed to have it all to themselves.

 

"You are very lucky indeed to have me." Sasha mirrored his grin, leaning in to kiss him just before they stepped onto the grass. Forgetting all the bad things that had happened lately seemed to be just what they needed. To just be together and enjoy each other's company. Leon sighed into the kiss, it felt like ages since it had been just them, at peace together. For now he tried to not feel too guilty about leaving Chris and Piers behind.

 

Together they searched out the largest and most beautiful tree in the park, sitting near it but not quite under it, both of them craving the sun's rays too much. Sitting here, Leon couldn't help but sigh once more. This seemed so... normal. He closed his eyes for a moment, could hear how Sasha spread out what they had bought on the blanket, reaching out to squeeze his hand gently when he was done.

 

"You okay?," he asked.

 

"I think so, yeah," Leon replied, smiling at him. "I feel like I've been tensing up for a week straight and can only relax now. I mean- I probably did. This is good, really good."

 

"All right, now here, eat this strawberry."

 

Leon had to chuckle when Sasha held it up to his mouth, feeding it to him. As they were almost alone in the park, he leaned in to take it directly from Sasha's fingers, his lips wrapping around them, and he could see his boyfriend's pupils dilating. But neither of them were adventurous enough to have sex in a public place like this. That would come later, after. For now they enjoyed feeding and teasing each other, Sasha taking the can of whipped cream and spraying it directly into Leon's mouth. They both had to laugh when about half of it dripped onto the blanket, and Leon almost choked on it. From then on they decided to be a bit more careful, exchanging sweet morsels of food, finishing with equally sweet kisses and grinning at each other like the dorks in love they were.

 

Leon was taken back to the first time they had shared a kiss, how happy he had been, how fast his heard had beaten. Their relationship had gotten more familiar, but never less special, and in these moments he was reminded just how much he loved him, and what he owed him. Sasha made him ridiculously happy, and he never wanted to be parted from him again. A vague thought started to form in the back of his mind, but he quickly quenched it. Now was not the time to think about anything even remotely connected to marriage, not when they had two other boyfriends waiting back at their apartment. Right now everything was far too complicated for that.

 

When they were both stuffed and happy, Leon lay back onto the blanket, closing his eyes and enjoying the sun on his face. He felt warm, he had his boyfriend right here and he had had amazing food, right now there wasn't anything else he could want. Except some sleep maybe. He crossed his arms behind his head and thought about Sasha on the couch, reading a book and wearing that big sweater, the image was the definition of safety for Leon. He thought about Chris there too, Piers in his lap as they watched a cheesy movie. They fit well into that image of his boyfriend, it felt natural, an extension of his already existing happiness.

 

"Leon... are you happy where you are?," Sasha asked, ripping Leon from his daydreams. He had almost fallen asleep on the blanket, but now turned to glance up at his boyfriend.

 

"Where did that come from?," his speech was a little slurred and his mind worked on trying to get back to its regular speed.

 

"I'm not sure...," Sasha trailed off, looking down at him, his hand coming to play with his hair and Leon hummed in reply. "Sometimes I wonder, with the job that you do and... how you are when you return sometimes."

 

"I... Mostly, I think. I just-," Leon sighed, hesitating. He'd never told Sasha his worries about his job, but maybe it was time. "The new president... he doesn't trust me. And he shows it, every damn time I go into that office. He- Well I can tell he enjoys bossing me around, knowing I can't do anything about it."

 

"What do you mean?" Sasha was still brushing through his hair, making him feel safer talking about these things.

 

"After Raccoon City, some government goons, they pushed me into an interrogation room, I didn't even talk to anyone in person. It was just me and this mirror, hearing voices that told me I had to work for them or bad things would happen to Sherry. I didn't chose this job, I was forced into it. They made me sign some pretty crappy contract, and I can't get out of it. I don't even know where it is, locked up in some HR locker maybe, I don't know."

 

"They did what?" His boyfriend's movements had abruptly stopped, and he slowly got that look. That murderous look that used to scare Leon but now he knew that he was about to get very protective of him. "They forced you to work for them? How is that possible? Why does HR even have a locker? This isn't legal, Leon!"

 

"But there's nothing I can do," Leon said, sighing again. "I'm already fighting Umbrella or Neo Umbrella or Tri Cell, which I am all for, I would love to put them down but I can't also fight my own government."

 

"You could work for the BSAA," Sasha suggested. "Once you're out of that horrible government contract."

 

"It won't work. I appreciate you saying that but... there's no way the President will accept this. And he's the most powerful man in the country. He's just... spiteful towards me now. I was cleared of all charges when I had to- had to shoot his predecessor. But he's never trusted me and he never will."

 

"You do not hear what I am saying," Sasha said, pulling him up, and Leon gaped when he did. "I. Will. Get you out of this contract. I promise."

 

Leon stared into his eyes, recognised the intensity he'd seen over the past couple of days, and back in Eastern Slav. Nothing would stop this man from reaching his goal. Even if they didn't have a plan right now, they soon would. Sasha already started on it, questioned Leon for any kind of information that could help them. Hunnigan might even be willing to help, they had gotten friends over the past- he didn't even know how many years it had been. If they could secure her a job at the BSAA she might just join him there, they were such a good team after all. And there was no one better at her job than Ingrid. Sasha started to smile when Leon told him all of that, cupping his cheek.

 

"You are such a fanboy, Leon."

 

"Well she is pretty damn amazing," he replied, blushing a little, but he flinched when he felt his phone buzzing in his trousers.

 

"Who is that?," Sasha asked, for now resuming to brush through his hair. He looked thoughtful, and was most likely contemplating a plan.

 

"Claire," Leon said, skimming the text she had just sent him. "Checking up on me. I did call her in a bit of a panic when Piers had just been taken. She's... in town actually."

 

"Then ask her over, later. Ingrid too. We should talk."

 

Leon hesitated, glancing up at his boyfriend, who had this mischievous look on his face now.

 

"What are you planning?"

 

"Nothing yet," Sasha replied with a smile. "But we will. Later. How about we go home? Now."

 

He was just finishing the text to Claire and Hunnigan so Leon didn't immediately notice that the way Sasha looked at him now had changed. He had stopped brushing through his hair, and now he felt a finger caress his cheek, then down his neck and finally Leon realised. His heartbeat immediately quickened and he sat up, craving to see the desire in Sasha's eyes. He leaned in but Sasha pressed a hand to his chest, denying him the kiss mere millimetres away from his lips.

 

"Not here," he whispered.

 

"But Sasha...," Leon was surprised by how needy he suddenly sounded, he was almost ready to go at it right here and now, it seemed like it had been ages.

 

"Get up," the commanding tone in Sasha's voice went straight to his cock, but he followed his directions, standing and packing everything up as quickly as they could.

 

He liked when Sasha was a bit possessive, liked when he wrapped an arm around his waist to pull him close, even closer when they passed someone checking Leon out. He was his, and sometimes Sasha wanted to make that very obvious, sometimes Leon just wanted to get on his knees for him, show him just how much he was his. But when they finally got home Leon didn't even get the chance, as Sasha pushed him against the wall roughly. He almost hit his head but he didn't care, as Sasha filled his every sense. Those hot lips on his own, that strong scent filling his every being, and now Sasha started tugging on his clothes, throwing them away.

 

"Fuck you are gorgeous," Sasha mumbled against his neck, kissing his way down. "Turn around."

 

Leon did, bracing himself against the wall and on Sasha's insistence sticking out his ass. He felt him spread his cheeks and he gasped when he felt a wetness against his entrance. Leon whimpered against his own arm, then bit down on it when Sasha started teasing him, playing with him, stretching him open. But it didn't take long for him to not be able to hold back anymore, Sasha knew exactly how to drive him crazy, to make him come apart with pleasure, and when he started teasing that sweet spot inside him his legs almost buckled, making him thankful for the wall that he could at least lean against.

 

He felt Sasha chuckle against his entrance, the vibration of it sending delicious waves of pleasure through him. Searing hot kisses were peppered up his spine, over his shoulder and his neck, and Leon turned his head on instinct, welcoming the rough and possessive kiss Sasha gave him. He seemed to know exactly what Leon needed, manhandled him to make him face once more. The way he looked him all over, his eyes almost glowing a faint red made Leon moan, arching his back and presenting himself for his boyfriend.

 

Sasha took a step back and gave him a once over again, making Leon tremble with desire, with the need to have his perfect cock in him. But he took his time, grinning as he took his phone out of his pocket to take a picture.

 

"Perhaps I should send this to Chris and Piers," Sasha said when he finally closed the distance between them again, slowly undoing his belt, the button of his pants, the zipper. Leon watched as he pulled himself out, licking his lips. He was so damn horny he wouldn't even mind him sending the picture.

 

"Please fuck me first," Leon gasped, moaning as he was lifted up so easily by his boyfriend.

 

He let his head fall back against the wall, closed his eyes and sighed softly as Sasha let him sink down on his beautiful, perfect cock. He missed this a lot, missed feeling how he was stretched open and filled up completely. Sasha stilled for a moment, burying his face in Leon's neck and pressing very sweet and gentle kisses to it. But then, oh but then the started to thrust up into him, slowly at first, but picking up the pace when Leon's moans increased with the pace as well.

 

After the tenseness of the past few days this was exactly what he needed. Leon let go completely, let those moans tumble from his lips, his fingers digging into Sasha's shoulders, leaving red marks there. He moaned his name, overwhelmed by the pleasure washing through his body with every thrust and every fiery kiss. His mind went blank, his kisses turned sloppy as it did, he only registered vaguely that Sasha called him beautiful and gorgeous, something else in Russian that he could understand if he weren't getting fucked at this very moment.

 

Before he knew it he found himself begging for Sasha to come in him, babbling how close he was, just on the edge. Sasha stilled for a moment, eliciting a needy whine from him. But he leaned in and tugged lovingly on his earlobe.

 

"I love you," he whispered into his ear, and Leon was just about ready to melt.

 

He reached out to caress Sasha's cheek, relishing in how happy and perfect he felt at this very moment.

 

"I love you too."

 

"And now I'm going to make you come." The grin on Sasha's face was positively animalistic just before he thrust up sharply into him.

 

Leon didn't need much longer, not when Sasha fucked him even harder and faster than before. His vision went black for a moment when he came all over himself and Sasha's shirt, most likely ruining it but neither cared at this very perfect moment. Leon cupped Sasha's cheek, watched as he thrust a few more times and stilled inside him, closing his eyes. He always loved this face that he made when he came, how peaceful and happy he looked at this moment. One of these days, when Leon was brave enough, he would take a picture of that too.

 

"N-no, don't pull out yet," Leon said, stopping Sasha from doing just that.

 

Sasha grinned, and together they sank down onto the floor, holding each other. He rested his head on his shoulder, felt Sasha softening in him and he had to sigh because of how perfect this was. Together they stayed like that for a whole, Sasha playing with his hair once more, tracing the lines of his face, his lips, pressing the sweetest of kisses to them. It was a stark contrast to the rough sex they had just had, but Leon needed it, needed to come down from this high.

 

They were cuddly for a long while after that, showering for almost an hour because they kept getting distracted with kisses and touches. In the end they had to hurry to get dressed and make sure there were not leftover signs from their escapade against the entrance wall before Claire and Hunnigan came by.

 

Hunnigan of course was the first to arrive, at four in the afternoon on the dot, Leon wasn't surprised at all. But he was surprised to see her, it was always strange to see her in real life and not in a tiny little screen that only showed her face. She was wearing a perfectly ironed pin striped suit with a skirt that showed off her incredibly lovely legs.

 

"Leon!," she said, raising an eyebrow disapprovingly.

 

"Oh god I'm so sorry!" He stepped aside to let her in, feeling himself going crimson. "I just- okay, it's weird to see you in person we hardly ever meet like this."

 

Hunnigan rolled her eyes as she stepped up to Sasha and kissed his cheek in greeting.

 

"I'm Ingrid. I've heard so much about you," she said, smiling. The gentle smile suited her very well, and Leon briefly wondered how she'd look like with her hair down, but shook his head to think about something else instead.

 

He busied himself making tea for everyone as Hunnigan regarded Sasha with stories about how Leon had been gushing about his boyfriend to her in the field. Sasha seemed to enjoy these stories very much, and Leon just knew that he would get teased later, no way was he going to let this go. Ever.

 

"So he gushes about me, hm?," Sasha asked, trying to gain more stories.

 

"Oh yes, and I have to say, after seeing it in person he really wasn't exaggerating about your ass."

 

Leon gasped and stared at her, horrified.

 

"I never-"

 

And suddenly, Hunnigan was giggling, actually giggling and Sasha joined into her laughter. She was- she was teasing him! Hunnigan! Leon had never seen her like this, so carefree and even joking around. He found himself smiling, and decided that he liked that side of her. The two of them were too serious most of the time, with the weight of the world on their shoulders. Hunnigan was lovely like this, but if Sasha's plan actually worked, they would see a lot less of each other. Leon wasn't sure how he felt about that. There was no one else he would trust with his life in the field, he could always count on Hunnigan who had led his way out of more than one fatal situation.

 

"Did you bring what I asked for?," Sasha turned to Hunnigan, and they both grew more serious.

 

"Wait, when did you two talk?," Leon was genuinely confused.

 

"You fell asleep, Leon, don't you remember?" Sasha smiled at him and reached out to squeeze his hand. "You were exhausted."

 

He rubbed the back of his head, the little nap he had apparently taken was wiped completely from his mind and now Hunnigan was smiling at him in that weird way. The way that showed she knew how in love they were, and that she could imagine just how adorable he had looked.

 

"Well, we did talk, and it wasn't easy, but I brought them," she said, her demeanour changing and now she was all business again as she pulled out a few blue sheets of papers.

 

Blueprints.

 

It didn't take long for Leon to figure out what they were the blueprints of. This was the headquarters of the DSO, every nook and cranny clearly laid out before him. He pulled them closer, and immediately saw three hidden rooms that he'd never seen before, and already Hunnigan had marked where HR was located. Were they really going to do this? And how much did she really know of their plans?

 

Before he was able to ask, the doorbell rang again. He was so confused and somehow overwhelmed that he pulled Claire into a tight and long hug after greeting her.

 

"Hey, Leon, good to see you too," she said, rubbing his back. "Are you okay?"

 

"I er... hey Claire." He pulled back to look at her, her smile had turned into a slight frown. "Yeah I just, apparently we're making a plan to get me out of my contract."

 

"Well that's good! What can I do to help?" She brushed past him, greeting Sasha and Hunnigan, introducing herself.

 

She joined them there, pouring over the blueprints as well and once again it struck Leon how lucky he had gotten. Sure, he'd had trouble with his job in the past, but with friends like this there wasn't really anything he couldn't do.

 

"Before we do anything," Leon said, joining them on the couch as well. "Shouldn't I contact the BSAA? What if they don't even want to hire me?"

 

"Are you kidding me?" Claire huffed. "With your track record, your experience, they'll throw money at you to get you. You'd be their best agent."

 

"But shouldn't we be sure?"

 

"Trust me," she said. "They contacted me a while ago, tracked me down through Chris I suppose. They wanted me based on Raccoon City alone. And you have so much more experience than that, it won't be a problem."

 

Leon hesitated. He had always been impressed by the fact that Claire chose to fight the virus, fight Umbrella a different way. He couldn't do it, it would be far too frustrating for him. However, she did have a point. And if not the BSAA there would be another way to keep doing this.

 

"I'll only go if you come with me," he blurted out, turning to Hunnigan. "Would you? I mean... will you? I just... I know I can rely on you, and you're amazing."

 

Hunnigan all but gaped at him, her lips slightly parted, just for a moment. Then her features softened, and a small smile curled on her lips. She looked down and adjusted her glasses, straightened her jacket before she looked up again. Leon thought that this was the most emotion he had ever seen her express, and he wasn't sure why.

 

"It's nice to hear this, you know?," she said quietly. "I will, Leon. Who else will keep you alive?"

 

He let out a sigh of relief, grinning widely at her, at Sasha and Claire. Having Hunnigan on his side was one of the most important things to him, and he felt energised now, leaning to glance at the blueprints again. Among the four of them they started to work on a plan. Getting in wasn't a problem for Leon or Hunnigan, but it would be difficult for them to get into the areas they didn't have access to. As it turned out, Hunnigan had a lot more access than he had, and suddenly it seemed like Leon had no clue about much anything at all. It sucked a bit of his enthusiasm out of it, but Hunnigan smiled at him, and they kept going.

 

Among their more ridiculous plans like releasing thousands of bunnies into the air ducts to distract everyone - suggested by Claire - they also had a few better ideas. Pulling string, planning distractions - real distractions for guards and security personnel. Hunnigan was a lot closer with some staff on site, and even had a friend or two in HR. None that would hide sinister government contracts but a bit of sweet talk could perhaps lead them there.

 

"I'm not sure I'm good with sweet talk," Hunnigan said. "If I had any leverage on them but... they're friends, I'd rather not do that. We need to get into the supervisor's office, that's where that contract would be."

 

"So how do we do that?", Sasha asked.

 

"I know his secretary, but like I said..."

 

"Maybe Leon could convince them?", Sasha suggested, making Claire snort and giggle.

 

"Leon? No offence," she turned to face Leon for a moment, still grinning. "That's not gonna work."

 

"You know... I think you might be her type," Hunnigan said, turning to Claire. "She might be... persuaded, if we can get you in. But a guest pass should be something I can cook up easily."

 

"So, I'll go in, chat her up and try to get the keys to the supervisor's office, which I will drop into Sasha's hands, who will then search for the contract leaving the two of you without any suspicion, yes?"

 

"You know, I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with getting you two into this...," Leon said, squirming. "This is a huge risk, you could get arrested."

 

"Oh please, we've been through so much worse. I survived a damn zombie infested prison island, this is easy," Claire leaned back, taking a sip of her tea. She looked damn smug and seemed to look forward to this whole heist. "Actually, two zombie infested prison islands!"

 

"Claire, how come they didn't get you into one of these contracts," Hunnigan asked. "You're more than capable to do Leon's job as well."

 

Claire's face fell for a moment, and when she smiled again it didn't seem quite so genuine as it did before. Leon had never thought about it before, but Hunnigan was right, despite Claire not wanting to do this job, she definitely could.

 

"By the time that train had slowed down I'd lost my shotgun. I was a woman with a child on her hip," she paused for a moment. "I think they didn't even consider that I could have killed any zombies. They didn't think of me as valuable in any way. They thought Leon protected us and I'd cowered behind him."

 

"But that's not true at all, you saved my ass a bunch of times," Leon blurted out.

 

"I know that," Claire said, her smile still so sad. "But thank you for saying that."

 

Silence settled then, as Leon didn't know what to say anymore. But Claire just adjusted her ponytail, and urged them all to get ready.

 

"Wait, what? Now?," Leon was completely baffled by the idea. "I should... I feel like I should call Chris...?"

 

He glanced at Sasha, who gave him a shrug and a nod.

 

"Might as well."

 

Leon watched in disbelief as the three went over the plan again, so matter of factly and nonchalant as if his entire life wasn't about to change. The phone rang a few times before Chris picked up, and he could hear something like cloth shuffling on the other line. Chris' voice was sleepy when he greeted him.

 

"Sorry, did I disturb you?"

 

"Just having a little nap, it's fine," Chris said, but Leon could hear Piers mumbling something in the background. He was always grumpy when he was woken up too soon. Or just generally when he had to get up, but that was nothing a few cups of coffee couldn't fix.

 

"I just erm... apparently we're kind of breaking into the DSO to get my contract and er... get me out of it. So I can come work for the BSAA."

 

Silence.

 

Piers' adorable little sneeze in the background.

 

"Well good luck with that then," Chris said.

 

"That's it?!"

 

"Do you need anything from us? Should we help?"

 

"No... they have it all figured out," Leon trailed off, somehow not satisfied with that reaction. A longer silence this time, and more sleepy mumbling from Piers.

 

"Well I gotta go-"

 

"Leon?," Chris interrupted. "It's going to be awesome."

 

A wide grin broke out on Leon's face, and finally the good part of this whole plan settled in. Once this was done, he was free. He could choose who he wanted to work for, he could fight side by side with his friends. Maybe he would even take a vacation, pamper his boyfriends for a little while before he went back into the thick of it. They could all certainly use it.

 

Leon left the two to their nap, and when he returned to the living room was instantly swept up by the other three. There was barely any time to think about this, to change his mind or worry. Before he knew it they were on their way to the DSO, both reminding Sasha and Claire where exactly they needed to go. If they looked like they knew where they were going, no one would even glance at their guest passes that should have technically given them very limited access. But Hunnigan- Hunnigan was amazing. Leon saw a side of her he never even knew existed. On the one hand she was focused as she always was, working with precise efficiency, on the other she was smiling and absolutely charming whens she needed to be. Flirting, distracting, so she could plug in a USB stick that would give her access to print out the guest passes. It happened so fast Leon didn't even have time to react. Which was probably better this way.

 

The worst part came up then: His involvement in the plan was to go to his desk and pretend to do paperwork. He needed to seem completely innocent, but it meant leaving the rest up to Claire and Sasha who had never set foot in this place. Hunnigan was probably monitoring them through her extensive network but Leon was completely blind. Sitting at his desk, the papers he was staring at made no sense to him at all. So many things could go wrong and then his friends would get into trouble, just for him. He knew they were capable but still - worrying was in his nature.

 

Ignoring the fact that he really did need to do this paperwork, he got up to go to where he knew Claire was right now - or should be in any case. There was a toilet near there, and he decided that would be his excuse if anyone asked. He even passed Sasha on the way, who was busy pretending to read something as he waited for Claire to do her part of the plan. He cursed quietly as Leon passed, but he ignored him and kept going, slowing down when he was about to pass the HR offices. Just like most other offices in this place, there were large windows showing the inside, consisting of desks neatly arranged, computers on each. At the back was another, smaller office that belonged to the department head. That's where Sasha needed to go.

 

Just in front of it was Claire, talking to a young woman, seemingly in her mid twenties with blonde hair, in a suit similar to Hunnigan's. She was smiling, widely, holding a small folder and giggling, even playing with her hair. Leon, who was very dense when it came to these things, still knew that the two were flirting, and that Claire was very, very successful. She was standing close to her, definitely in her personal space but the two of them were at ease.

 

"Damn she's good," he mumbled to himself, taking a few more steps so he wouldn't be too obvious as he was staring at them.

 

The conversation seemed natural, and Leon briefly wondered what Helena would think of her girlfriend flirting with someone else. But she would most likely agree that it was for a good cause, and merely regret that the poor woman would not actually get a date with Claire. Who had just now pickpocketed her. Leon had almost missed it, it had happened so damn fast, and now the keys were in her possession. He couldn't gape for much longer, as the two of them now turned to walk out of the office - towards him.

 

He turned away, kneeling to pretend tying his shoe and he could hear them talk about getting a cup of coffee as they passed him. In passing, Claire smacked him on the back of the head, and he had to try and suppress any sound. Yes, he wasn't supposed to be here but he just couldn't resist! It was all fine, wasn't it?

 

"You need to get the hell out of here," Sasha's voice came from behind him, and Leon stood to turn and face him. "Go, now."

 

Sasha had the keys in his hand, and was about to complete the final part of the plan.

 

"Hey, it's fine, no one even noticed me."

 

"If you go now, I will give you a blowjob later."

 

"OkayI'mgone." Leon turned to walk back to his office so fast, but then forced himself to slow down and act like a normal human being who wasn't just thinking about his boyfriend kneeling in front of him using that wicked tongue of his- "Stop, Leon."

 

The next few minutes were agony, he hated waiting, that was exactly why he was a field agent! Instead of doing his paperwork - and there was a reminder to do it in his inbox now - he found himself doodling aimlessly in a notebook that he had lying around here. Leon Kozachenko. Alexander Kennedy. Then his phone buzzed and he slammed the notebook shut, hiding it in the lowest drawer under a bunch of different kinds of paperwork. What was he - a lovesick teenager? Why was he even thinking about this now of all times? Besides, neither of them really had to change their name if they ever got-

 

The text he'd gotten confirmed it: Sasha had been successful. He was waiting for him outside of the building, and Leon rushed to go after him. Hunnigan and Claire were waiting for him too, with the former already inspecting the contract, her brow furrowed in concentration. He couldn't help it, he rushed up to Sasha, hugging him tightly, giggling because they'd been successful, because they were so damn close.

 

"You guys were amazing!," he said, hugging Claire too. "I had no idea you were this good at flirting!"

 

"I have many hidden talents," Claire looked damn smug with her arms crossed and chin up, as she should be, Leon thought.

 

"This is completely unconstitutional," Hunnigan mumbled, completely lost in her own little world but then her head snapped up to look at him. "I'm going to give this to a lawyer friend of mine, he'll take care of it. Trust me, they don't want this going public."

 

"How do you also have a lawyer friend?!," Leon was just completely baffled by how easy this had somehow been. And now just like that he was going to get out of it? "How do you have so many friends?!"

 

"I'm a charming and lovely person, Leon," she replied, adjusting her glasses with only a slight smirk. "I'll call you when it's done."

 

"Well, I guess I don't have to do that paperwork anymore," he mumbled absentmindedly as he watched her walk away.

 

"Screw paperwork," Claire took his hand, grinning widely. "Let's celebrate! You guys have booze at home?"

 

They didn't, but that was easily rectified. After a quick phone call, Chris and Piers came by as well, joining in the celebration. Leon noticed though, that Sasha and Piers stayed away from the champagne, opting to go for orange juice instead. They had plenty of reason, and he was glad actually, that Sasha wasn't drinking. He remembered too well finding him completely drunk, trying to deal with his flashbacks this way.

 

For a while he completely forgot everything bad that had ever happened to him, for a while he felt incredibly hopeful for the future as he basked in the possibilities that swam around in his head. As he got a little tipsy he shared them with everyone, the idea that they could go on holiday, or maybe they could follow the bunnies-in-air ducts plan after all. Leon loved bunnies, they were so fluffy and cute, which was why he had fuzzy slippers that looked like them.

 

Even in his euphoric state he noticed Chris and Piers' demeanour changed every now and then. They didn't look happy anymore, quite the opposite, and a silence settled on the apartment when Claire had bid them goodnight, and took a cab to get back home.

 

"That woman can drink!," Leon said, grinning as he turned back to his boyfriends.

 

Piers was hugging himself, looking down. Something was clearly up and he wanted to know what interfered with this beautiful day.

 

"Did you fight?"

 

"No," Piers said, looking at him again. The frail, scared Piers was back again, and Leon's stomach sank. How could they have celebrated after what happened to him? There were still marks on his wrists where he had been bound.

 

"We just talked," Chris said, walking up to Piers and wrapping an arm around him.

 

"I'm going to check into a clinic," Piers said quietly, and Leon froze.

 

"What... what kind of clinic?"

 

"Where they can really help me," he replied, looking up at Chris. "We looked into it today, and discussed all options. I'm not okay, and I'm not going to be if I don't get help, proper help. I think I need to... I think I need to get away from everything for a while. I'm sorry, Leon, for doing this today. We probably won't be able to talk for a little while."

 

"Why?"

 

"I think it's just protocol. Kind of a cold turkey thing? Anyway, I'll be going tomorrow morning."

 

Leon felt like the rug was pulled out from under him. Tomorrow already? How could he have gone from so happy to so sad? He immediately scolded himself for this thought. If that's what Piers needed, then he should get it, regardless how any of them felt. He watched as Sasha went to hug him, whispering sweet words of encouragement. He felt all eyes on himself now, felt a blush creep into his cheeks as he looked down.

 

"Leon?" Piers was closer to him now, taking his hands. "Leon talk to me."

 

Before he knew it he pulled Piers into a hug, holding onto him for dear life. He felt the small, lanky body against him, breathed in his scent, feeling his warmth.

 

"I'm going to miss you so much," he gasped. "I'll drop you off, I'll be there and I'll do whatever you need. Anything."

 

Piers' fingers curled in the back of his shirt, returning the hug and sighing against his neck.

 

"Thank you, Leon."

 

He had finally realised why this made him so sad, why he felt like his heart was breaking the next morning when they dropped him off at the clinic, a building that looked more like a country home than an actual clinic, but perhaps that was the point. He was sad because he loved him, and because he would miss him terribly. But as they had decided when they had talked through the night, this really was what would be best for Piers. A clean slate, a fresh start. He would stay there for a while, without any contact from the outside world, but soon they would be able to visit and Leon was already counting the days.

 

Leon smiled as Piers walked through those doors, smiled until he was out of sight before he pressed against Chris' strong chest, who held him for a while.

 

"Oh, please don't cry, Leon," Sasha said, rubbing his back. "This is a good thing."

 

"I know, I know." His voice was muffled as he was still hiding in Chris' chest. "God, I miss him already."

 

"We do too, Leon," Chris said. "We do too."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leon being forced to work for the government, I got it from this [game](https://youtu.be/QXsGGeTiMV8?t=486)


	8. Chris & Sasha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris and Sasha find themselves getting closer, and Chris accidentally confesses to an old relationship.

"I'm not in the mood to go out."

 

Leon sat, where he tended to these past few days, on his armchair, looking out the window, arms crossed on the windowsill. He sighed for good measure too, a sound Chris had heard far too many times lately.

 

"Come on, Leon, you've been stuck in here for days," Chris said, but his boyfriend was unmoving.

 

Behind him, Sasha stood ready to go out for dinner. Chris had made a reservation and everything, just to get them out and a little distracted from what they were all thinking about constantly: Piers. He had been in the clinic for about two weeks now, and they still weren't allowed to see him. Soon though, but until then they had to keep themselves distracted, because they all worried.

 

"I said I'm not in the mood."

 

"He wouldn't want you to shut yourself in like this," Sasha said gently, but Chris had to roll his eyes.

 

"You are allowed to have fun you know," he said, sighing. "You're being- you're being-"

 

Leon turned then, finally, and looked up at him.

 

"I'm being what?"

 

"Fine, I'll say it: You're being annoying." He was fed up with this. They all missed Piers, not just Leon, they all wanted him back but that didn't have to mean their lives at to come to a screeching halt. Chris didn't want to feel bad all the time anymore, he was at least actively trying to work against it. All Leon did was brood and sigh. "I'm going to dinner, whoever has time and isn't pitying himself every second of every day can come with me."

 

"Chris!," Leon called after him, but he didn't stop. He had to get out of this moody apartment.

 

Down on the street he finally noticed that Sasha had followed him, who was now watching him pace back and forth.

 

"He acts like he's the only one who misses him!," Chris blurted out, gesturing wildly. "He's acting like- like a fucking teenager!"

 

"I know."

 

"I'm just sick of it!," he continued, ignoring Sasha's gentle eyes following him, patiently watching him rage. "I'm hurting too! I miss him, I still feel guilty, I want this to be over but it's not gonna be easy, any of it! All I ask is just one damn night out, is that too much?"

 

"No it's not."

 

Sasha finally stopped him then, a warm hand on Chris' arm, and he froze in place. He wasn't mad at Sasha, and he wasn't supposed to be the one he was yelling at. He shouldn't be yelling at all he was just so damn frustrated. Chris knew what it had been like when Leon and Sasha had been together, how stubborn he had been, refusing to face his own feelings. Now he was just wallowing in them, again too stubborn to even listen to him.

 

"Let's go to dinner, just us," Sasha said, smiling gently. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then he reached out and caressed his cheek. "Don't think about him for a while. We can talk to him later, or tomorrow. I need some time too."

 

He leaned up then, standing almost on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. Sasha's smile... He had been admiring it for a while now. He always had one when he needed it, always there with a reassuring touch, a cup of tea or a snack, whatever he needed. And he seemed to always know what they needed.

 

"Thank you," he said, pulling Sasha into a hug, feeling an odd sense of pride when he heard him sigh happily. "It's a date then- I mean..."

 

"It can be a date," Sasha said, pressing against his side and welcoming Chris' arm around him as they started to walk down the street. "We have not been on one of those yet."

 

"With everything that's been going on, this relationship really is the least weird thing. I thought it would be...."

 

"Weirder?," Sasha asked, his accent making the word sound a little adorable.

 

"Yeah. But we're good, and we haven't like... done... things.... God, I'm lame," Chris huffed, but looked down and returned Sasha's smile.

 

"You are maybe a little bit lame," he admitted, squeezing his arm. "But you are very sweet, very kind... and I think... I may be falling for you too."

 

Chris hadn't expected that kind of confession, not when they had just recently talked how there wasn't much between them. He was silent for a while, just looking ahead where they were walking. Did he feel the same way? He didn't want to lie to Sasha, of course not and yet... His heart did beat faster when Sasha kissed him, he did have those butterflies in his stomach when he was around and took care of him. Sasha felt like home.

 

"I think I feel the same way," he said quietly, then let Sasha stop them both.

 

"Please do not scare me with such a long silence." He was blushing... He had never seen Sasha blush before.

 

"Sorry I just... didn't want to lie."

 

"I know. It's because you are a good man." Sasha's free hand came to rest on where his heart would be, and looking into those deep brown eyes Chris could almost believe it. Almost.

 

When Sasha leaned in that time he didn't make him stand on tiptoe again, instead closed the distance between them to press their lips together. The air around them was so cold, but Sasha's lips were so warm, gently exploring their rhythm together. It was a short and chaste kiss, neither of them were the kind to do more than that in public, but a kiss that nevertheless made his knees weak.

 

They really should have done this sooner.

 

"Now that this is out of the way...," Sasha said, smiling widely. "Where is it that we are going?"

 

"I was in the mood for Italian, nothing too fancy, sorry."

 

"Oh I don't need fancy." He pressed against Chris' side again, and he realised how much he loved feeling him there. "I think that Leon's love for pizza has infected me too."

 

"That man has almost become pizza!," he said, gesturing with his free hand. "I've seen him eat pizza for every day of the week!"

 

"Thank goodness he has a fast metabolism..."

 

They laughed and chatted on their way to the restaurant, Sasha pressed even closer to him when the wind picked up and Chris took his jacket when they had gotten inside. It felt normal, it felt good to be out again and to not think about anything bad for a while. Finally they could talk about books, movies and video games, about things that mattered so much and yet not at all. They shared a giant pizza, laden with all kinds of toppings, and after a glass of wine Chris dared to reach over and take Sasha's hand. With their fingers intertwined and the soft music playing in the background... Chris felt in love.

 

"Thank you for coming out with me tonight," Chris said quietly, by now their bottle of wine almost gone. He felt a little tipsy, and more honest. "I really needed this."

 

"So did I." He squeezed his hand, and leaned in a little. "Shall we go home?"

 

"Yes."

 

The bill was paid for, their jackets gathered, and soon enough they were on their way back to Sasha's apartment. Inside the elevator he was pushed against the wall, making Chris gasp, but then Sasha was there again, on tiptoe, kissing him. Passionate this time, deepening the kiss, his hands somehow all over him at the same time. Chris melted into that kiss, barely knew what to do with his hands it just felt so good to be taken charge of.

 

Inside, they managed to immediately bump against something, making both of them giggle.

 

"I see you're back," Leon said, startling them both.

 

For a moment... For a moment Chris had completely forgotten that he was still here. Maybe it wasn't weird, but their relationship could still be complicated. They had been about to make love, and Leon was still here, Piers was still in the clinic, they had been about to make the same mistake the others had done.

 

"You yell at me, and then you come back like this?," Leon continued. "Thanks for that. Feels amazing."

 

He had moved at least, from his armchair to the couch. Perhaps he had even had dinner. It was progress.

 

"You know you really had been a bit... annoying," Sasha said. "We get it. But I think you get it too."

 

"Yes, I did, and I was going to apologise before you came home... Now I don't know anymore."

 

"It was a spur of the moment thing," Chris said. "You of all people should understand."

 

"Are- Are you accusing me-"

 

Leon looked panicked, hurt, and Chris quickly stepped up to sit by his side.

 

"No, no," he reassured him. "That really came out wrong. I just mean... There was a spark between us, that's all."

 

"He's pretty handsome," Leon grumbled, glancing at Sasha. "I don't blame you..."

 

Smiling, Sasha joined them, sitting on the coffee table on Leon's other side.

 

"We did say it was all four of us," he said.

 

"Yes, but- But we were supposed to talk about sex first!," he hesitated, blushing a little. "I know that sounds stupid coming from me but... We didn't mean to. We wanted to do better after that."

 

"You're right," Chris admitted, his hand coming to rest on Leon's thigh. "You're absolutely right. We can't, I guess. Not with Piers still unable to talk to us."

 

Leon looked up then, like a kicked puppy.

 

"Wait does that mean no sex until- Until whenever he can talk to us again?"

 

"I... I don't know." Chris looked blankly ahead for a moment. "We should have probably talked about that, shouldn't we?"

 

"Yes, thank you Captain Hindsight," Leon huffed, rolling his eyes, but chuckled when Chris nudged his side. "I guess... no sex then."

 

"Well, thank god I am not horny or anything," Sasha said, his laugh sounding incredibly fake. "I will just go erm... take a shower, yes? I will be right back. Ten minutes... Twenty."

 

Chris watched him leave, watched that beautiful ass leave to go into the bedroom and the presumably to take a shower and jerk off. God, he wanted to go with him, felt himself bite his lower lip, trying to will himself not to get an erection.

 

"Go," Leon said.

 

"What?"

 

"Go, fuck him. Get fucked, whatever. Just go!" He was grinning, shushing him away.

 

"Are you serious?," he asked, already standing.

 

"Yes, it's my judgement call as the... er, impartial party. Totally impartial and... just go before I change my mind."

 

"But Piers..."

 

"He won't mind," Leon said. "You know he won't. He'll be thrilled to hear you're getting it on too."

 

"Thank you, love you, bye," he said, kissing Leon in between words before he dashed off.

 

The shower was already running, and he stepped inside the bathroom to feel a gust of hot air surround him. Sasha definitely wasn't trying to suppress his erection with cold water. He tossed aside his sweater, his shirt, then hesitated in front of the glass door of the shower. Before he could say anything, Sasha opened it.

 

"Chris?"

 

"Leon... Leon gave us permission."

 

The moment of hesitation was short, before a grin spread on Sasha's face and he pulled him close, kissing him so passionately again.

 

"Then what are you waiting for? Pants off, Redfield."

 

"Sir, yes, sir..."

 

He scrambled to get out of his pants, socks and underwear, almost tripping over in his eagerness to join Sasha in the shower. It was pretty obvious what he'd been doing, the lube on the shelf where the shampoo and body lotion was, his very obvious erection pressed against his hip. Sasha was kissing him immediately, as passionately and possessively as he had done in the elevator. Once more he felt himself melt under those kisses, eagerly returning them, hoping Sasha would tell him to turn around.

 

Chris knew he should say it. He should be more open about what he wanted, there was no shame in it - at least that's what he told himself. It was still hard to ignore the little voice in his head, all those guys that had made him feel inferior for liking when someone else took him. He was big and broad and he was supposed to be the one in charge, but doing that in the field was already a burden to him. Right now all he wanted was to submit.

 

"Do you want to turn around for me?," Sasha asked, tugging a little on his lower lip and Chris moaned.

 

"Uh- uh-huh," he managed, turning around eagerly and letting Sasha guide his posture.

 

With his ass sticking out and his arms crossed against the wall, he waited for a moment, then felt a wetness against his entrance different from the warm spray that came from the showerhead. Sasha dipped his tongue into him, and he had to bite on his lower lip to keep from moaning. His hands eagerly explored him, rubbing over his ass, his inner thigh, rubbing and squeezing. Chris' knees were weak, it felt so good to be so shamelessly desired, it felt so good that Sasha just took everything he wanted from him.

 

Once he was back, he wanted Piers to do the same.

 

"Let me hear you, gorgeous," Sasha mumbled against his skin, pressing a kiss to one cheek before he continued stretching him open.

 

A finger joined his tongue, gently teasing, pressing in deeper once Sasha had lubed it up. It was hard to keep standing like this, but oh it felt so, so good. When he pressed a second finger into him he couldn't keep his moans down anymore, he let them tumble from his lips freely, heard himself how deep they were. Sometimes he wondered whether being this big and... manly, was really attractive, whether that was what his boyfriends wanted. But then there was Sasha, pressing against him, cock between his cheeks, hands on his chest, squeezing and rubbing.

 

"You are incredible, Chris," he breathed into his ear. "You are gorgeous and I want you so badly."

 

"Hnn please...," he whimpered.

 

"Please what?"

 

"Please-," he hesitated, and when he continued his voice was all but a whisper. "P-please fuck me."

 

Sasha chuckled against his throat, pressed a soft kiss to it and whispered: "Gladly."

 

Chris felt himself stretched open when he pushed into him, tried to claw at the walls but the tiles were unyielding. He hadn't done this in so long, and Sasha went so very, very slowly, letting him get used to the wonderful sensation of his cock inside him. He barely felt the water anymore, all he could feel was the heat pooling in his stomach, felt Sasha take his wrists to pin them behind his back. Now all he could do was press his cheek against the tiles, eyes closed to concentrate on this feeling of fullness he hadn't experienced in so long.

 

"You good?," Sasha asked, making sure one last time.

 

When he nodded, he started to move, slowly at first, increasing his thrusts when he felt Chris relax around him.

 

"Oh god oh god oh god," he moaned and mumbled, unable to hold back anymore. He had forgotten how good this felt, had forgotten how much he really loved it. He had been so stupid, hiding this from Piers. Piers who loved him, cared for him - something like this, what did it matter? Knowing him, he would have gladly done this for him.

 

As Sasha was doing now.

 

"You really like this, don't you?," he was panting, pressing a kiss to Chris' wet should, thrusting up sharply, all the way.

 

"Aahh, yes, yes god yes," he said again, pushing back onto Sasha when he pulled out of him.

 

Before he realised what he was doing he was fucking himself on Sasha's cock, who had stopped moving completely. He was craving this feeling so badly that he wasn't even thinking anymore, just wanted to chase that delicious friction, wanting to tease that sweet spot inside him. Sasha let him do this for a while, chuckling behind him just before he let go of his wrists to dig his fingers into Chris' hips, keeping them in place.

 

"Enough playing around," he growled into his ear.

 

The way Sasha was thrusting into him now could only be described as merciless. And Chris... Chris loved it. Sasha was angling his thrusts so that he hit his sweet spot almost every time, the pressure, the heat, the pleasure all building within him and all he could do in this position was take it. This was exactly what he needed, to stop thinking, to just feel for once, let himself be overwhelmed by how good it was.

 

"Please, p-please, Sasha," he begged, ready to cry because he felt himself come so close but unable to be pushed over the edge. "Please I'm s-so close."

 

"A bit more, darling," Sasha replied, slowing down a little to wrap his arms around him, squeezing and massaging his chest again. "I'm almost there."

 

These new, slower thrusts were just delicious agony. He felt himself get pressed against the tiles, felt the friction against his own cock, twitching, then Sasha's hand sliding between him and the tiles to wrap around it. In time with his thrusts he was now stroking him, sending him over the edge. Chris leaned back, his head on Sasha's shoulder as he let the pleasure wash over him, let himself be completely overwhelmed by it. Vaguely he heard Sasha moan into his ear as he kept thrusting into him.

 

He was pretty sure that the only reason he was still standing, was that Sasha was holding onto him so tightly.

 

Sasha slowly pulled out of him, and when he did, Chris could feel his come run down his inner thigh. Only then did they both slide down to the floor, the gentle, warm spray still covering them. Chris leaned back, eagerly let himself be pulled into a sweet, gentle embrace, kisses were peppered over his neck and shoulder.

 

"Oh Christ I needed that," Chris gasped breathlessly.

 

"Sounded like you did," Sasha replied, smirking at him.

 

"If I had any decency left, I'd be embarrassed about that but god, it was too good."

 

"You should not be," he told him. "You were beautiful."

 

"Beautiful? That's not something I've been called... ever."

 

"Then those people were stupid."

 

"What, all of them?," he asked, chuckling.

 

"I am afraid... yes." Sasha was grinning widely, and every so often they exchanged sweet, slow kisses.

 

They stayed like that for a while, cuddling together in the shower and watching the skin on their fingers get wrinkled. Only when Chris felt that his legs were steady enough did they clean up properly and went to dry themselves off. He just couldn't help it - when Leon watched them come back into the living room he had to blush. That smile told him he had heard everything.

 

"Sounds like you had fun," he said, grinning like a little kid in a candy store.

 

"Oh god..." Now that the blood had returned to the rest of his body, Chris felt himself blushing.

 

"Hey, no need for that," Leon said, crawling over the couch to where he was sitting to press a kiss to his cheek. "I've seen you naked before you know. It's a wonderful sight."

 

"That was years ago, I wasn't... you know."

 

"So you really think...," Sasha started, sitting behind Chris on the arm of the couch, hugging him from behind. "That just because you are... big, that you are not allowed to bottom?"

 

"It's not really about being allowed..." Chris felt awkward talking about this, but if not with them, who? He'd been thinking about this for far too much. "It's what everyone expects. You don't see a lot of guys like me doing... that. And I just- I don't know. Try to explain to someone in the stall of a club that you don't really want to be doing this - It just seemed easier you know. Maybe it's the whole military tough guy thing, being the responsible one all the time, taking care of everyone. I'm not sure. It didn't even occur to me to ask Piers which I realise now was stupid but... yeah."

 

He looked at his hands in his lap, trying to ignore how lame that had all sounded. He wasn't even sure himself how to express this.

 

"I guess...," he continued. "People just started looking at me differently when I got bigger. I mean it wasn't like this with Albert-"

 

"Albert?," Leon interrupted, his eyes wide. "Please dear god tell me you don't mean Albert Wesker."

 

Chris froze, staring at Leon in front of him. He had guarded this secret for so long, only Jill had ever known. And now he was fucked out and sleepy that he had let his guard down. He couldn't lie to them, he just couldn't, not after everything that happened.

 

"I... yes. Wesker."

 

"Chris? How? That guy tried to kill everyone on the planet!"

 

"It was during S.T.A.R.S. times, Leon!," Chris said, crossing his arms. "Do you really think that after what he pulled in the mansion I would have even considered letting that man touch me?"

 

"Oh," Leon just said, looking down for a moment. "Still... Wesker?"

 

"I was young and he was so handsome and authoritative... It was a really bad relationship, okay?" He sighed. Only Jill knew some of the details and he wished he would never have to talk about it again. "He never cared about me, I was just a hole to fuck. But he gave me enough scraps of attention and gentleness that I stayed. I was naive, I know that. That- He- He broke my heart in that mansion. Wasn't enough having to fight god damn zombies."

 

Sasha hugged him tighter from behind, not saying anything, and now Leon let his hand rest on his arm, squeezing a little.

 

"I'm sorry, Chris. Did he... did he hurt you?"

 

He looked down again, taking a deep breath.

 

"Sometimes," he said quietly. "I'm pretty sure it was less about hurting me than it was about controlling me. He did get me to stay for a long time. I... I wish I hadn't wasted one second on him."

 

"We had some bad luck with guys, hm?," Leon said, smiling gently, but there was a sadness in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Chris, I'm really sorry.... Does... Does Jake know?"

 

"No!," Chris blurted out. "No, and he can never know! It's in the past, it's over, he's dead. I made a mistake even mentioning it now."

 

"It wasn't," Sasha whispered softly. "Bottling these things up isn't healthy, Chris."

 

"Jill knew a little bit," he said with an awkward shrug. "It took some time and I got over it, I think. Guess it just didn't exactly leave me confident in relationships."

 

"You can talk to us though," Leon said, hugging him now too and Chris let himself return it, sighing softly against his neck. "I really believe that we can do this, that we can figure this out. Together."

 

"Well, someone has learned his lesson," Sasha said, sticking out his tongue and making them all giggle.

 

They had all had their dinner already, but it didn't stop them from making a midnight snack while they sat around the table discussing Chris and Wesker's relationship. It did feel strangely good to talk about it, since he was now pretty detached from it, now it didn't hurt anymore when he thought of what had happened. Knowing he was dead certainly helped.

 

"You know that finally explains that weird obsession he had with you. Guess he had a hard time letting go," Leon mused, scratching his chin.

 

Chris shrugged, it was probably true, the reason why Wesker hadn't taken the many shots he had on him in the past. It had always been about control. The moment Chris had seen him there had been something in his eyes... a hunger, lust. It hadn't taken long for Wesker to approach him, to all but demand that he take him out. Chris did only later realise that Wesker never asked, he just decided and Chris had to follow. But he had been young and so naive, had liked that someone so authoritative had taken an interest in him. The sweetness that had been there at the beginning had quickly faded though.

 

Then Wesker had taken him whenever he wanted, even in the police station sometimes, or had made him go down on him under the desk.

 

"I am so, so ashamed that I... I liked it," Chris admitted after his fourth beer. "I liked when he held me down but didn't hurt me or... or pushed me down when I... I... gave him a.... Blowjob," he finished very, very quietly, feeling the heat rise into his cheeks. "It felt like he was the only one willing to do that. Although for... for the wrong reasons."

 

"Hey Chris," Sasha reached out to take his hand and squeeze it. "Don't feel ashamed for the things that you like. We can do those things for you, and we will never hurt you. Leon and I already have a safe word."

 

His head snapped up at that, looking between the two.

 

"You do?"

 

"Well yeah I mean," now it was Leon's turn to blush. "We don't do like... bondage or anything. But you know, even if we're just not in the mood... It's a clear sign to stop, you know?"

 

"That... that seems smart...," Chris mumbled lamely. He had never confessed this much before, but now Leon reached out to squeeze his hand too.

 

"We can talk about something else," he said gently, smiling that lovely Leon-smile.

 

Chris sighed.

 

"You know what I hated about Wesker?," he suddenly blurted out, actually feeling the anger rising within him.

 

"That he tried to kill you multiple times?," Sasha suggested.

 

"Well, that too but, I hated that he still was so hot when we fought him in Africa!," he said, making the other two laugh. Laughing was much better. "It's so wrong but fuck, he was still so hot. What was he doing wearing a skin tight leather outfit, huh? How impractical!"

 

"Maybe he tried to impress you," Leon was all but giggling.

 

"Well... if he did, he failed spectacularly because we blew him up with rocket launchers!"

 

He paused for a moment, enjoying his boyfriends' laughter.

 

"By the way, this conversation can never reach Jake," he said again, looking at the other two seriously, before breaking out in a giggle again. "God, I'm a mess today."

 

"A very cute mess," Leon said, kissing his temple. "I think it's time to head to bed."

 

Chris slept surprisingly well that night, sandwiched between Leon and Sasha who were caressing him sweetly until he fell asleep. He had honestly thought if he ever confessed being with Wesker that it would have a bigger fallout than this. But it had been very long ago, he was dead and he had even found peace with Jake who had been... slightly upset with him for a while. Deep down, he had only ever been upset that a monster like that had been his father. The kid had issues, but he was dealing with them, or at least that's what it seemed like.

 

A good message reached them a few weeks later, a call from Piers inviting them to the clinic, as he was now allowed to have visitors. They all got so excited about that prospect that they even dressed up - as much as any of them ever dressed up. For Chris that meant a simple white dress shirt, which the other two insisted didn't show his nipples. Except when he stood in front of the glass door leading to the clinic he could see that it totally did. He huffed at them.

 

"Trust me, he will love it," Sasha said, winking at him.

 

"You know I do like to keep some things private...," he mumbled, but now it was too late, and he was too eager to see Piers than to argue with them right now.

 

Leon wore a similar white shirt, his sleeves rolled up, and over it a black vest that accentuated his slim waist. Sasha had almost followed suit, instead he was wearing a beige, long sleeved shirt with black suspenders, so they wouldn't quite look like a boyband. Chris had to grin at the thought, Piers would have probably thought it was funny.

 

Going into the clinic itself felt more like... going into a hotel. Everything looked very homely, there was a reception area with blue and white armchairs and sofas that looked incredibly comfortable. The staff was only recognisable by the tags they had on their shirt, and otherwise seemed to walk around in normal day clothes. The receptionist quickly led them through to another area, similar to the one in the front but much larger. The back wall of it was completely made of glass, showing a large garden where quite a few people were just sitting, gardening or taking a walk. It was... peaceful.

 

"Leon Sasha Chris you're here you're here you're here!"

 

Before Chris even had time to fully turn to where the voice was coming from, he already had an armful of cute in the form of Piers. He was clinging to him so tightly Chris felt like he was about to burst, in that really, really good way that only a good, tight hug could give you. He had to grin widely as he returned the hug, pressing his nose to Piers' hair.

 

"Oh I missed you so much," he whispered, suddenly aware that there were a few other people here too.

 

Piers pulled back a little to look up at him - he was smiling, tears in his eyes. Happy tears that didn't even spill. He looked better, much better than when he had left. The bags under his eyes weren't so prominent anymore, and he wasn't hiding his scars under a low pulled hoodie. He was just in a simple white shirt and sweatpants, walking around barefoot.

 

"I missed you too!," Piers said, leaning up to kiss him, then quickly hugged the other two as well. "Oh you all look so hot!"

 

He tugged them to a corner to sit down on a bunch of comfortable pillows, sitting close to all three of them.

 

"You... You look good," Leon said, blushing a little. Neither of them really knew how to handle this situation, but seeing Piers with a smile already helped. "How do you feel?"

 

"Much better actually, you don't have to beat around the bush," Piers said and nudged him, before he took his hand and squeezed it. "Coming here definitely was the right choice. I needed some time in a different environment, to just... really think. To come to terms with me, and what I've been through. I mean it's not like it's over or anything but it... it's better."

 

"That is so good to hear," Sasha blurted out, and unable to hold back pulled Piers into another hug, one that he happily pressed into. "We were quite worried."

 

"I know it was kind of a hasty decision," Piers continued, now sitting in Sasha's lap. "But I was... I felt like I was gonna break. I guess it was... I don't know. Some of it is the craziness that happened lately, and going back to the apartments where that all happened. Krauser didn't help..."

 

Chris looked down at the mention of him. They had talked about this before Piers had left, but he couldn't help still feeling guilty. If only he hadn't run out like an idiot. His hands were gently pushed away, and then Piers was suddenly sitting in his lap instead, hugging him once more. He let his head rest on his big shoulder for a while, sighing happily against him.

 

"I'm good, Chris. And I don't blame you anymore," Piers said quietly, and calmly. Then he cupped Chris' cheek and kissed him again, a really sweet kiss that turned a little deeper as they both realised how much they had missed doing that. "Now I just want to get better and build my life again. Figure out what I want to do."

 

"I love you," he whispered. He hadn't said it in so long. Why not? Why was he this stupid? "I love you so much."

 

"Aw, you big teddy bear." Piers cupped his cheeks and squeezed them together. "I love you too."

 

"Oh my god that's so cute," he heard Leon whisper behind them, and together they had to laugh.

 

This was better, this was so much better than being so serious all the time. Some of the old Piers had emerged during the time he had been here, almost four weeks now. He was joking, laughing and generally being cheeky and adorable. Chris had missed that side of him, had thought it might never return - and he still would have loved him. But it was good to hear that laugh, so damn good.

 

Piers wasn't holding back with his affection either. He was freely kissing all three of them, later explaining that he had talked at length about his feelings with his therapist here. He himself had taken some time to get used to the idea, but praised them for trying to figure it all out like healthy human adults.

 

"More or less," Leon had said at that.

 

No, it wasn't always easy, but Chris was convinced that it was worth it. Every second of it. By now he couldn't imagine living any other way.

 

"What if.... What if we looked for a new apartment?"

 

Chris had kind of just blurted that out after chatting for a few hours. Now they were having tea at an actual table, along with small sandwiches that Leon had complained weren't filling his belly at all. Piers had looked wistful when Sasha had promised him pizza later, and all he wanted to do was take him back home. But what if home wasn't home to Piers anymore? What if he needed a bigger change of scenery?

 

"You mean...," Piers started.

 

"...for all four of us?," Leon finished.

 

Chris had to smile, and nodded. For a while silence settled between them, all sharing a few awkward looks, seemingly unsure of what the others were thinking. It was Sasha - of course it was Sasha - who broke the silence.

 

"I think that's a wonderful idea."

 

"You think we're there?," Leon asked, biting on his lower lip. "Isn't that like a huge step?"

 

"I think it feels right," Piers said. "I don't want to run from everything that happened, but I think it would be a good idea. Plus it's just more practical! I don't have to drive across town just to see you, I can just go into the other room. I hate not being able to see you guys whenever I want. The past few weeks were really... sucky."

 

"Together we can afford something big, we can still have our own rooms so to speak," Chris explained, getting surer of this decision by the second. "I think... I think it would be really great."

 

Leon hesitated for a while, but then... then that smile spread on his face, the blush crept into his cheeks and Chris knew they had him.

 

"I can't believe I'm moving in with my three boyfriends. That's... that's so crazy, I love it."

 

"Gosh I had forgotten how cute you guys were!," Piers blurted out, scrambling onto Leon's lap to ruffle his hair which, of course, fell back into place perfectly. "You're so damn cute when you blush."

 

They proceeded to laugh while Piers pinched Leon's cheeks and called him adorable all over again, kept talking, laughing and planning their next move until it was time for them to leave. Piers would still stay, for a while, although since he wasn't in any imminent danger from himself, he was able to leave the clinic now to go with them as they searched for apartments. He didn't want to go back to theirs, feeling it was important to have a fresh start and Chris understood. The last time they had been in their apartment, they had yelled at each other. He hardly even went back there himself, mostly staying with Sasha and Leon instead.

 

Whenever they did pick Piers up from the clinic, they freely shared about what they talked about, all of them. Piers told them honestly how he was doing, how he was dealing with the nightmares that he still had, that he had been anxious about being medicated before, but ultimately it was helping him. The staff knew about his circumstances, that he was infected, had been a soldier who had seen horrors beyond their imagination. But finally Piers was getting the help he needed.

 

In turn Chris was honest about Wesker, about still feeling guilty, he confessed being with Sasha to which Piers only laughed.

 

"I may miss having sex with you guys but I sure as hell won't stop you from having it!"

 

Things seemed easier. Well, most things. Apartment hunting most definitely was not, especially not when there were three other people that had their own views on how a perfect apartment should look. Some were too small, some too big, some in the wrong part of town or had a weird layout. Then there were their individual quirks they had to deal with. Sasha preferred not being too far from work, he didn't like public transportation so there had to be a parking space nearby. Piers wanted a quiet area that was still somehow not too far away from the city centre for convenience, and Leon honest to god rejected a perfectly good apartment because it wasn't close enough to a good pizza place.

 

Chris wanted to scream. It took them weeks before they finally realised that among the four of them, they could easily afford a house. That in turn opened up a whole other mess of possibilities.

 

A mess that was absolutely worth it when they found a house. The house.

 

Chris had all but given up on their search when they arrived in front of it and just... felt it. No one said anything because they didn't want to jinx it at that point, but the dark green front and black roof immediately spoke to them. There was a little porch, the windows upstairs went outward and had little benches there to sit on, there were enough large rooms for them to each have their own space, a wide, open living room that seamlessly opened into an equally large kitchen. Sasha oohed and ahhed at it, incredibly happy with the features it had, half of which Chris didn't even understand. But there was enough space in the basement for a place that they could work out in, a garden in the back for barbecues and even some space for Piers to plant some things. They had all looked at him strangely.

 

"What? I always wanted to try gardening."

 

An odd image of Piers covered in beautiful flowers came to his mind then, and he decided he liked it. Domesticity... it was something entirely new for all of them. Naturally it didn't last long, as soon as they had signed the rental contract, Chris was called out for another mission. They had driven to the clinic again, so he could quickly say goodbye to Piers, unable to leave without doing it. With all four of them together, they pressed a picture into his hands. It was the three of them, standing in the garden of their soon to be house, smiling at the camera. Piers was in the middle, so happy his eyes were closed, their cheeks all pressed together.

 

"You know, in case you get tragically wounded and have to pull out a picture of your loved ones in your final moments," Piers joked, nudging him.

 

"Don't say stuff like that," Leon said with a shocked expression.

 

"I said it with irony, so it doesn't count."

 

"Right...," he mumbled, staring at the picture.

 

They were so perfect. So happy. He wanted to make them this happy for the rest of his life. He tucked the picture away and allowed himself a short walk around the clinic's garden. Piers and Leon fell behind him and Sasha a little, and he reached out to take Chris' hand, intertwining their fingers.

 

"When you're back, I'd like to take you out on another date," Sasha said, squeezing his hand.

 

"What if I-"

 

"No," he interrupted. "Don't even say that. I will make plans with you, always, because you will come back. Understand?"

 

"Sir, yes, sir," he said quietly, smiling as he leaned down for a kiss. "I... like that. Making plans."

 

Ten more minutes, he told himself, then he would have to leave. Ten more minutes of kissing and making plans, ten more minutes of absolute peace with Sasha, so strong and steady against him. Then he would come back and they would live together. Nothing would stop that from happening, he would make sure of it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there will be one more chapter to finish this off. Foursome smut scene yes/yes?


	9. Piers & Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life has finally come together for Piers, Chris, Leon and Sasha. There's almost some kind of peace.

Before Piers grabbed the next box off the truck he stretched, noticing that his shirt rode up to expose his belly. The sun was shining today, it was warming his belly and he grinned as Leon stopped to watch him. 

 

“Still got it,” he mumbled to himself, grinning. 

 

He didn’t pull down his shirt to hide his scars, now he just did it to straighten himself so he could pick up the next box from the moving truck. Things had gotten easier for him, he could almost completely accept himself the way he was now. Sometimes he still fell back, still had doubts, and the nightmares hadn’t completely vanished either but he was working on himself. And he was making progress. It didn’t matter if it was slow, he had all the support he needed from the three men that he was currently moving in with. His boyfriends. He had gotten pretty damn lucky. 

 

“Can you stop ogling Piers and help?,” Claire nudged Leon who blushed in response, rushing down the few stairs and the small paved road to the truck. 

 

“I like when he ogles me though.” 

 

“Ugh you guys are all sooo in love,” she mocked, but smiled. “How do you get anything done?”

 

“We don’t, really,” Piers said, making them laugh. “We just take turns gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes all day!”

 

Claire watched Leon take another box inside, then nudged him gently. 

 

“You’re looking really well. I hope you feel that way too.”

 

“I do. They’re helping, therapy is helping, even the meds, I feel….,” he sighed, unable to contain it all. “I feel good, and I haven’t in a really long time.” 

 

She hugged him then, and he gladly returned it. 

 

“That’s so good to hear. I’m glad you’re figuring it all out. All of you.”

 

“I’m surprised you accepted it all so easily, I mean we had our own doubts about it.” 

 

“Well, it’s not like I have the most normal relationship either,” she said, taking another box, her muscles flexing under her skin. “I guess what Helena and I lack in sex… you guys make up for.” 

 

Piers had to giggle so hard he needed a minute before he could help her out, only then did they make their way back to the house. 

 

“That’s one way to look at it. Can’t wait to try out that huge bed we bought,” he said wistfully. 

 

“Ew, you’re talking about my brother there… possibly. Just, ew.” 

 

“Oh come, on your brother’s hot, you can’t tell me this is the first time you’ve heard something like this.” 

 

Claire graciously stepped aside to let him go inside first, doing a little courtesy which he returned, grinning at her. 

 

“Well, no, but usually I try to let that circus music play in my head, you know,” she replied, both walking into the living room on the left to set down their boxes. “To drown out the gross.” 

 

“Nothing gross about him,” he said, letting his gaze wander over Chris who was putting up a bookshelf. Piers had made sure he was wearing the tight white shirt he liked so much on him, leaving very little to the imagination. 

 

“What are you talking about?,” Chris asked as he set down the hammer on the newly built shelf. 

 

_ God,  _ he looked manly like this. All big and tall, wielding tools and building things. Piers had to lick his lips at the sight, and honestly couldn’t wait for the move to be over so he could christen their ridiculously large bed by fucking that man just the way he wanted it. 

 

“Just gossiping about you,” Claire said in passing, then proceeded to carry her box into the kitchen. 

 

“Don’t worry babe, just good things.” Piers went up to him, grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him down into a kiss. “Damn you’re hot when you’re building things.” 

 

“Oh, am I?” Chris grinned into the kiss. “Too bad you missed me putting up the bed there was… hammering involved.” 

 

“Hmm that’s hot, hammering-,” he stopped himself mid-sentence and had to giggle. “I’m sorry that’s just…  _ hammering.  _ That’s not a hot word at all.” 

 

Again he was giggling so hard he had to hold his stomach, wiping away a tear from the corner of his eye as he forced himself to calm down. Only then did he realise Chris had been watching him with a gentle smile. Piers’ smile vanished then, and he tilted his head. 

 

“What?”

 

“Just you,” he said plainly. “Haven’t seen you laugh that much in a while. It suits you.” 

 

“People keep saying that…” Piers stepped closer so he could snuggle against Chris’ broad chest, and immediately felt his strong arms around him. “I’m happy, that’s all.” 

 

He felt Chris’ hands rub over his back, then one slid further up to play with his hair, and he ended with a kiss to the top of his head. Piers didn’t mind that he was a bit sweaty, they both were, he adored the warmth of Chris’ body and how safe it made him feel. After all this carrying, he was sure getting tired but that didn’t put a damper on his mood. At the end of the day he would be able to cuddle up with all of them, fall asleep and wake up to the people he loved most. He couldn’t wait to do that for the rest of his life. 

 

“You have no idea how glad I am to hear that,” Chris whispered, and squeezed him. 

 

“For a while I didn’t think I could be,” Piers admitted. “But that’s in the past now.” 

 

He pushed away from Chris to grin at him. 

 

“Come on, let’s get this done so we can order that pizza we promised everybody.” 

 

Chris nodded, but leaned down one more time for a pick peck to Piers’ lips, then proceeded to lift him and throw him over one shoulder to carry him out. Piers didn’t mind, he had a good view from up here, and he gave thumbs up to Helena and Sheva who they passed. Once more giggling he was set down outside the moving truck, and together with his friends and boyfriends the rest of the boxes and furniture was brought into the house. 

 

At one point Jake had appeared as well, bringing the beer they had also promised everyone. Tired but happy, Piers settled on the couch between Chris and Sasha, with everyone else strewn around their new coffee table on pillows or the one armchair they had already gotten. With beer and pizza after the day’s work, Piers couldn’t really be happier. 

 

“I want to make a toast,” he said, raising his bottle of beer. 

 

“To our hard work?,” Jake asked, grinning as he opened another one for himself. 

 

“You didn’t even do anything but bring the beer,” Sheva nudged his side but Jake’s grin didn’t falter. 

 

“And I’d say I did my job very well!” 

 

“True, to Jake and the beer,” Piers said, waiting for everyone’s cheers to die down. “And to our hard work, Jake excluded-”

 

“Hey!,” he interrupted, pouting a little but ultimately breaking into a grin again. 

 

“And to…,” he looked left to Sasha and Leon, then right to glance at Chris once more. “This weird ass relationship that makes me so fucking happy. Thank you guys, seriously. I would not be here like this today if it weren’t for you.” 

 

It was quiet for a moment, and when he checked up on his boyfriends he saw that they did not look as happy as he felt right now. There would still be that tiny little sliver of guilt in all of them, for various reasons, he understood that. It had been hard enough for himself to really forgive and forget, but that was behind them not and he would not accept their sadness now. 

 

“No,” he said, poking Sasha’s cheek, then made the other two look at him too. “None of that today! I love you guys and we’re happy, and that’s that.” 

 

“Well if you say so,” Sasha said with a small smile, and eagerly returned Piers’ kiss when he pressed their lips together. “Sir, yes, sir.” 

 

“Now!,” Piers accidentally shouted the word a little, startling everyone but hey, at least he had their attention now. Perhaps the beer was getting to him a little, he hadn’t had any alcohol in a very long time. “We have fun! I say so and I’m always right so bust out Twister!” 

 

“Wow, you’re bossy, maybe you should be Captain,” Helena said as she stood, grinning and ruffling his hair in passing. 

 

“Yes I should, I should be your superior,” he said to Chris and Leon. “And boss you around all day.” 

 

“I wouldn’t mind.” It was Leon’s turn to get a kiss from him now, and as Piers got tipsier, he got a lot freer with the affection he showed. 

 

His turn at playing Twister was very short, his balance completely shot even from just one bottle of beer. Not that he minded, he hadn’t had this much fun in ages, and watching his friends contort into the most ridiculous shapes was even more fun than doing it himself. 

 

“This should be called “Ass - The Game”,” he mumbled to himself as he ogled Chris’, and tried to not look at Claire’s because that just conjured really weird images in his mind. He wasn’t drunk enough for that, nor did he think he ever could be. 

 

They played and laughed into the early morning hours when their friends decided to do the responsible thing and call a taxi to get back home. Piers stumbled when he got up to say goodbye, so Leon took it upon himself to carry him upstairs, bridal style, to their bed. He watched as the other two followed close behind, arm in arm, looking tired but happy. He felt like sighing, and did so, a long, drawn out sigh because he felt so happy at that moment that his body couldn’t contain it all.  

 

Leon helped him undress down to his underwear, and Piers just let himself fall back on the bed, moving pillows and slipping under the blanket so he would be comfortable. One by one the others joined him there, and he cuddled against someone’s chest… Sasha? Arms wrapped around him as his eyes fell closed and he was drifting off to sleep. He felt another body’s warmth behind him, felt kisses pressed to his head and he had to grin just before sleep finally overtook him. This was perfect. 

 

When he felt himself gain consciousness again, he refused to open his eyes for a moment, instead inspecting whether there was any kind of hangover. He hadn’t been drinking much, but he wasn’t used to it anymore. But no, there was no headache or any kind of other discomfort, thankfully. What he did feel though, was morning wood. He pressed a hand to his mouth and tried not to giggle because he sure as hell was pressed close to whoever he was cuddling with. And as he shifted back a little he felt another erection against his ass. 

 

So he finally opened his eyes, noticed that yes it was indeed Sasha in front of him, and Leon behind him. And when he lifted his head a little bit he could see Chris behind Sasha, sleeping peacefully and looking absolutely adorable with his arm around his boyfriend’s waist. He almost didn’t want to wake them, well, maybe he didn’t have to, maybe he just needed to wake up one of them… 

 

Piers grinned as he deliberately moved his ass against Leon’s erection, shifting oh so innocently at first, but doing it quite obviously when he noticed that he only stirred slightly.

 

“I hope we unpacked the lube,” he mumbled to himself, licking his lips, already eager to make slow and sweet love to Leon. 

 

“It is in the bedside table,” Sasha whispered, startling Piers to grind even harder against Leon, who let a moan slip out into his ear. 

 

Sasha was grinning widely, hand on Chris’ as he eagerly returned Piers’ morning kiss. He didn’t care about morning breath, all he cared about right now, he had to admit, was getting some. And very slowly, very carefully he felt Leon explore is bare chest, fingers tracing the scar, finding a nipple and gently rubbing it until Piers moaned against Sasha’s lips. As Leon shifted and pressed his erection closer to Piers, he reached out to cup Sasha’s crotch, rubbing gently before sliding his hand into his shorts. 

 

“Hmm,” Sasha hummed softly. “It is that kind of morning, hm?” 

 

“I hope it will be,” he replied. “Someone wake up Chris.” 

 

As if on cue his head popped up behind Sasha, his hair completely in disarray as he took in the scene before him with sleepy eyes. Leon had reached around Piers, was now rubbing him to full hardness as well, and he could watch as Chris woke up in a matter of seconds. 

 

“Oh my,” he blurted out, and Piers had to giggle. “Lube?” 

 

“Bedside table,” Piers said, turning to nudge Leon to finally get it. 

 

But as he did Sasha tugged on him again, and he shifted closer to kiss him once more. Sasha wasn’t satisfied with one kiss though, and instead deepened until they were making out and pressing close together. He realised then that he and Sasha had never been quite as intimate as he had been with the other two, and he wondered why. There had been so much going on in his life, his mind had been such a big mess. Only now did he really feel comfortable to do this again, felt confident in who he was and what he looked like. Very carefully he reached out with his scarred hand, traced Sasha’s lips, mere inches away from his own. 

 

A part of him, deep down, was waiting for him to pull away, to be disgusted by his scars. But he never did, Sasha just smiled at him, kissed the tips of his fingers and even parted his lips to suck on them. He had to take in a soft little breath, stunned by the sight. Suddenly he was craving this man’s cock inside him, and he turned to quickly snatch the lube out of Leon’s fingers. 

 

“Hey!” 

 

“Fuck me,” Piers told Sasha, who grinned widely as he took the lube in his hand. 

 

“Gladly, my sweet,” Sasha replied. 

 

“Kay, guess we’re switching,” Leon said, amusement in his voice as he crawled all over them to get to Chris. 

 

They all had to laugh at their tangled limbs, Sasha gasping at the knee that pressed into his thigh, and finally Leon managed to collapse on top of Chris, more or less successfully on the other side. There was a general shifting amongst them then, and Piers ended up naked with Sasha between his legs and Chris by his side. 

 

“I find your lack of morning wood disturbing,” Piers said as he glanced down at Chris, heard him groan and roll his eyes. “Come on sit up.” 

 

His own legs were spread wide as he felt Sasha gently rub his entrance, and he had to bite on his lower lip to keep from moaning. On one hand he wanted to watch, on the other Chris was now shifting so his cock was within reach of his hands and lips. He parted them eagerly to lick along Chris’ soft length, wrapped his hand around it to rub him, feeling him get harder under his touch. 

 

“Fuck I missed cock,” Piers mumbled just before he took one especially magnificent one into his mouth. 

 

He closed his eyes for a moment, concentrating on just feeling. There was Sasha gently fingering him, slowly stretching him wider, and there was Chris, now hard in his mouth, gasping softly as Piers went down on him. When he glanced up he could see Leon behind him, watching him with awe. 

 

“Don’t just stand there, Leon,” Piers said with a wide grin. “Prep him.” 

 

A grin spread on Leon’s face, but he kissed Chris’ cheek and leaned in to whisper to him. 

 

“Would you like that?” 

 

“Y-Yeah…,” Chris replied. 

 

Piers remembered their whole discussion a while back, and still couldn’t believe he hadn’t wanted to tell him that he likes doing this. He would have gladly taken on the huge burden of fucking Chris Redfield if only he had known… But he would very much enjoy watching him get fucked too. 

 

The lube quickly passed between Sasha and Leon, and Piers sighed just before he parted his lips again, but moaned against the tip of Chris’ cock when he felt Sasha brush against that sweet spot inside him. 

 

“Oh fuck…,” he whispered. “This is gonna be good.”

 

Chris chuckled above him, reaching down to brush his hair as he finally did wrap his lips around that gorgeous length again. He had always loved doing that, before his face had become what it was now. But Chris looked down at him with the same gentle, loving eyes that had always been there. Nothing had changed for him… except that his eyes now fluttered close as he was simultaneously prepared by Leon behind him. Piers could see his pale hand on Chris’ tanned shoulder, gently rubbing, reassuring him.  

 

“Hmm, you’re tight,” Leon mumbled, one hand coming around to rub his belly. “Relax, you’re safe here.” 

 

“You should lie down,” Piers said, once more pulling away from him. As much as he hated doing that, he wanted this for Chris to be as perfect as it was for him. “Come by my side.” 

 

He greeted Chris with a smile as he came to lie down, eagerly returned the kiss he pressed to Piers’ lips, but Leon wasn’t satisfied with that. He guided Chris to roll on his belly, put a pillow underneath his hips and Piers’ smile went so damn wide when he realised what Leon was about to do. 

 

“What are you grinning about? Oh-” Chris’ eyes fluttered closed as he felt Leon’s tongue against his entrance, moaning softly. 

 

“God damn it you’re beautiful- ahh.” Now it was his turn to moan, almost as if Sasha wanted his attention he had added another finger. The stretch was absolutely delicious. “Sasha, Sasha come here.” 

 

Suddenly he was so eager, almost desperate to kiss him. He tugged on his arms when he was finally crawling up, cupped his cheeks to pull him in, then wrapped his arms around him to hold him tightly. He didn’t feel overwhelmed by this just… full, in a way that didn’t have anything to do with sex but the fact that he had the men of his dreams by his side. Men that accepted him the way he was, that understood what it was like to struggle, to have gone through such terrible things. And yet they had found their happiness together. 

 

“You okay?,” Sasha whispered softly. 

 

“Yeah. Just really happy.” 

 

“And really cute,” Leon piped in, lifting his head from Chris’ ass. 

 

He had to giggle again at the sight, especially when Chris looked up and was completely confused by the whole circumstance. That man looked delicious when he was lost in pleasure this way, and Piers couldn’t resist ruffling his hair. Chris reached out then, to intertwine their fingers and they stayed that way when Sasha finally pushed into him, when Leon did the same after making sure Chris was completely and utterly relaxed. 

 

His giggles had faded, were now replaced by moans as he held onto Chris’ hand, squeezing tightly when Sasha picked up the pace. His thrusts weren’t shallow anymore, he was fucking into him deep and slow and it was teasing but hitting just the right spot every damn time. 

 

“Oh Sasha,” he couldn’t help but moan his name over and over again, then he finally shifted his attention back to Chris and Leon. 

 

Chris was still on his knees, ass in the air, his face pressed to the pillow he was also holding on to. Just now Leon was pushing into him again, as slowly as Sasha was doing it for him. Leon looked to the side, leaning over to kiss Sasha and grinned against his lips. They had never been together like this, all four of them, but damn if it wasn’t perfect. 

 

“Come on, Chris,” Leon said, leaning over him and reaching to caress his belly. “Don’t hold back, let us hear you.” 

 

It took a moment for Chris to open his eyes again, to peek out at them, his cheeks a deep red by now. Piers had heard him moan before, this wasn’t anything new, but this soft little sound he let out as Leon pushed deeper into him was indescribable. It went straight to his cock and if he wasn’t getting fucked at the moment, he would ask to switch places with Leon. He wanted to be the one to make him moan so beautifully, but for the moment he resigned himself to watch and listen. 

 

“God you sound incredible,” Piers urged him one, relished when his moans got louder as he finally, finally just let go. 

 

And so did Piers. He just let go, let himself fall into the pleasure Sasha gave him, looked up at that beautiful man on top of him, always eager to give him the kisses he craved. He felt Chris squeeze his hand tightly whenever Leon hit that sweet spot inside him, heard him moan into his ear, louder and louder as the four of them together chased their peak. 

 

“I’m close, sweetheart,” Sasha whispered against his lips, and, still thrusting into him, reached to wrap his hand around Piers’ cock. 

 

“Me too, oh Sasha, ohh…” 

 

He closed his eyes as he came, letting it wash over him, feeling Sasha’s body covering his own so perfectly as he moaned into his ear. And when Chris squeezed his hand so tightly once more, when he heard their beautiful moans all mixed together he knew they had found their release too. Piers was panting, catching his breath as he slowly opened his eyes again to look at Sasha, this wonderful man on top of him, then let his gaze wander to Chris, who was smiling at him. 

 

“Damn,” was all Chris managed to say. 

 

“Next time,” Piers said and winked at Chris. “I wanna be in Leon’s place.” 

 

“Gladly,” he replied, hiding his face - and his blush - a little. 

 

“And I want to uhm- nevermind,” Leon interrupted himself, sitting at the end of the bed and reaching for a blanket that had fallen to cover himself. 

 

“Leon what did we say about not talking about things?” Sasha sat by his side, kissing his cheek before he briefly vanished into the bathroom, returning with a soft, moist towel. 

 

Chris had turned on his back now, all muscles and smooth skin only interrupted here and there by a few scars. God, he was almost in the mood again to fuck him right then and there, he had almost forgotten how good it was. He was still staring at Chris when Sasha gently started to clean him up, and he had to force himself to look at him. 

 

“God, you’re just the sweetest aren’t you?” 

 

“I try,” Sasha replied, kissing him, then Chris as he did the same for him. "So what were you saying, Leon?"

 

Leon was crimson, but he still managed to somehow bring it out: "Iwantyoualltofuckme." 

 

Oh they would, Piers promised. They certainly would. 

 

They had to take turns then, taking a shower, as it wasn’t quite big enough to fit them all. But when Piers and Chris were done and standing in front of the two sinks to brush their teeth, he did have an amazing view of the other two, unable to quite look away. But hey, they were his boyfriends, so it was okay to look, right?

 

“You’re drooling on your shirt,” Chris nudged him, and dragged his finger through the toothpaste that had dropped onto his shirt, smudging it on his cheek. 

 

Piers had to giggle, feeling so light and free that he even  _ could _ do this, that he could laugh and be happy. For a long time he didn’t think he would ever be at this point in his life again. But as he sat on the bathroom counter and watched the rest of them move back and forth, exchanging a sweet peck here or a soft touch there, he just knew that this feeling would last. With them, he would be happy. 

 

“Hey Leon,” he said, pulling him close by his shirt. “Wanna carpool next week?” 

 

“To the BSAA? Sure.” 

 

He brushed Leon’s hair out of his face, slicked it back and looked him over for a moment before he decided he didn’t like his hair like that and ruffled it back to its original shape. Leon was damn gorgeous, especially when he smiled like he did right now. Cute, boyish, like a kid in a candy store. 

 

“You sure about going back into the field?,” Chris asked, moving to their side. 

 

“I’m far from doing that,” he said, taking Chris’ hand and squeezing it. “It’s just weapon training. But I want to get there. I don’t regret what I did and this… this feels like the only way we’ll make a difference. And I have to make a difference, I just have to.” 

 

“I understand,” Leon said softly. 

 

His smile had faded, and Leon looked at him wistfully now. He understood Piers’ need to do this. Piers couldn’t help but pull him into a hug then, resting his head on Leon’s shoulder as they held each other tightly. Perhaps this wasn’t the easiest path to take, there would be more pain, more hard work, more struggling against an enemy that sometimes seemed like they could never defeat. But with these men by his side, what could go wrong? 

 

There was so much to live for now. His life was busy once more, just the way he liked it, the way he could handle again. Aside from his weapon training, from Leon’s orientation at the BSAA, there was that wedding. They barely talked about it, unless it was absolutely necessary, because Sheva and Jill had had so much bad luck with their previous attempts that they were worried it was jinxed. Nevertheless Jill still needed a dress. As her best friend, it was Chris’ job to help her, but Piers had successfully talked his way into joining them. Because Chris choosing wedding dresses? He  _ had _ to see that. 

 

And oh what a sight he was, browsing through the thousands of white dresses in the store they had gone to, buried in lace and silk and whatever else fabrics these things were made of. Piers stood back a little, enjoying the champagne they had been offered and taking many, many pictures of both Chris and Jill. 

 

“No, no, no,” Chris pulled the dress with sequins away from Jill who put her hand on her hip. “That’s too… just no. Try this one.” 

 

He had chosen a tight fitting dress, and Jill eyed it suspiciously. 

 

“I don’t know… I had the perfect one and then it caught fire! I still don’t know how that happened,” she said. 

 

Piers helpfully handed her his glass of champagne and she took a sip. 

 

“We’ll find another one,” he promised her. “Look how excited the big guy is, he’ll find you the right one.” 

 

“You  _ are _ very excited,” Jill said with a grin towards Chris. “Should we look for one for you as well?” 

 

“I really don’t think I would fit into any of these.” He held one to himself, that was about a third of his body’s width. “I don’t think dresses are my thing.” 

 

“Maybe some lace hot pants though,” Piers whispered into his ear after Jill had gone back to her dressing room. He could practically see the blush growing in his cheeks. “Looks like I hit a spot.” 

 

“Shut up oh-,” he broke off mid-sentence as Jill came outside. The dress was a bit too large on her, but even so Piers could tell she wasn’t too happy about it. “No. Wait… I have an idea.” 

 

It took Chris the better part of an hour, and Jill many, many trips into the dressing room, but when she finally came outside the last time, Piers’ jaw dropped. This dress left her shoulders free, the bodice a work of art, silk vines and flowers growing around her and fading towards the - and Piers couldn’t think of another word - poofy skirt of it. Jill lifted it slightly and twirled, giggling as she watched their reactions. 

 

“This is it, Chris!”

 

She rushed forward and gave him a tight hug, and Chris lifted her to twirl her around once more. 

 

“You look absolutely beautiful, Sheva won’t know what hit her,” he told her, and Piers wholeheartedly agreed. 

 

Piers had never seen Jill and Sheva as happy as when they finally walked down the aisle. Their initial plan of having a huge ceremony was replaced by something much smaller, with just their families and their closest friends attending. They had found a beautiful Victorian mansion with a large garden area, and even though they had worried about being cursed, they had decided to hold the ceremony outside. Simple white chairs were set left and right of the white carped that had been laid out, leading towards the white arch decorated with blue and violet flowers. 

 

He had enjoyed helping them prepare it, had enjoyed picking out suits for his boys even more. Suits… suited them, Piers had joked, earning groans from all but Leon who had to giggle, and that was one sound he could never get enough of. Now however they were sitting under the afternoon sun, watching two of their best friend get married. Piers had managed to get through all the stares he earned from the people that weren’t familiar with his situation, hadn’t gotten mad or defensive in any way, but now… now he felt the tears creep up on him. 

 

“Oh my god, Piers, are you crying?,” Leon whispered, squeezing his hand. 

 

He was pressing against Chris’ big arm, watching the ceremony through fuzzy vision. 

 

“No I’m not shut up,” he whispered back, clearly crying. 

 

Chris reached out then, wrapping an arm around his shoulder to pull him even closer, and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. He didn’t even really know why he was crying. Because he was happy for them, or because he knew he could never be up there himself. He had talked to his friends about this relationship, had discussed that it might not even last because what relationship of his ever had? But somehow, deep down, he just knew. For him this was it, and there was no law out there that would let them marry officially, nor would there ever be, not in his lifetime. 

 

He had even had friends who turned away after he had told them about this relationship. People he wasn’t too close to, but it still hurt. To be called disgusting and a pervert, to be looked at with such contempt… 

 

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to will these thoughts away. This was a happy occasion, and he didn’t want to make it about himself. Chris thankfully did not push him to talk, instead asked him to join Jill and Sheva on the dancefloor during a slow, romantic song. 

 

“Look how happy they are,” Piers said softly, ear pressed to Chris’ chest as they swayed softly to the song. 

 

“They are…,” Chris drifted off for a while, and they both watched Jill and Sheva dance. The two of them didn’t seem to notice anything around them, just danced and kissed, lost in their own little world. “Are you, Piers?” 

 

He looked up at Chris then. He looked… unsure. 

 

“Yeah. I really am, why?”

 

“You just… looked kind of sad, at the ceremony.”

 

“It’s silly but I…,” Piers sighed, glanced at Jill and Sheva for a moment. “I just kinda thought about us, and that we could never do this.” 

 

“Do we really need to?,” Chris asked, a smile spreading on his face as he cupped Piers’ cheek and gently made him turn to look at Leon and Sasha. 

 

They were still sitting at their table, a little bit apart as Sasha tried to throw a peanut into Leon’s mouth. He missed, Leon tried to catch it anyway but completely failed, and both of them had to giggle. Sasha pulled him in for a kiss then, and pushed him back to try again. When he noticed them watching, he gave them a quick wave and continued to try and feed Leon. 

 

Piers did not know why, but the sight of their silliness set him at ease. He looked back at Chris, and stood on tiptoe to kiss him. 

 

“I suppose we’re perfect just the way we are.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been 84 years again, but I did it! Thanks everyone for sticking with me <3  
> Check out my [tumblr](http://vallkyrieshepard.tumblr.com) for more info


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